Girls, am I a hopeless case? Is there any hope at all?

Here's the story. I'm 20 years old and I've never had a girlfriend. I want one in the worst way -- nothing could make me happier than having someone to love and care for. But lately there's much standing in the way.

I would prefer to be the one to ask her out -- in fact, I've asked ten girls over the last ten or so years and I was rejected each and every time. My own self-esteem already being at a low, it just got even lower with each rejection because I could not understand what I did wrong. Nowadays if I like a girl I'm too afraid to approach her. I mean, I'll watch her, but I won't act on it because of this paralyzing fear.

So, in the end, I'm waiting for the girl who truly does like me to come along and tell me herself... mind you, she'll have to work pretty hard to convince me because I'm not even sure I'll believe it if I see and hear it happen. I've become convinced that there's no way on God's green Earth that a girl will ever be interested in me that way.

No flirting either -- flirting is too subtle and my over-analytical mind will rationalize away all the standard flirts as the girl simply being friendly.

So, am I a hopeless case? What advice do you have?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You are most certainly not hopeless. You just haven't had the best of luck. It could be that with the other girls they thought of you as a friend and didn't want to risk the friendship. Or maybe the time just wasn't right. Either way, you're not alone. I've lost guys I like to so many other girls it's ridiculous. You just have to get back up and move on. That's easier said than done. Find a girl you like and start flirting. And by that I mean make the fact that you like her obvious. Tell her she's pretty and has beautiful eyes and a nice smile. Ask if she wants to hang out sometime, but don't clarify if you mean as friends or otherwise unless she specifically asks. If she does, say it's a date. If she doesn't, don't say anything. And then when you go make a move. "Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost." - Defying Gravity, Wicked. Most girls don't proclaim their feelings becuase they want the guy to do it first. Good luck and remember you may be lonely, but you're not alone.

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    • Your instructions are very very simple and I appreciate the advice. :) However, there's one small problem -- I'm deathly afraid of "making a move", mostly because I'm not sure what move it is you're talking about and also because I don't want the girl to hate me instantly because I made it.

    • That's the thing, sometimes when you jump you know exactly what's at the bootom. But other times its not as clear. When that happens you just have to close your eyes and go for it. The "move" can be as simple and cheesy as yawning to put your arm around her. It's cute and cheesy. Most of the time, if she likes you its works like a charm. No girl is going to hate you unless you make rude or perverted actions or comments. However, if you do something funny they might tease you. But they like you.

What Girls Said 1

  • No one is ever a hopeless case until they've convinced themselves they are. You are what you think you are.

    I can only give you this advice: don't think that way. If you think you're a loser, everyone else will pick up on that vibe and think you're a loser too. Girls are generally not into that. AND IT'S NOT EVEN TRUE. I can tell that you're a great guy but you just need a little push.

    Work on yourself. Do a complete overhaul. Rediscover yourself and LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF. If a girl doesn't want you, she's an idiot. Don't think it's your fault, it's honestly not. Girls are so stupid when it comes to guys and rejections are sadly part of everyday life, for both sides. See them as experiences that can make you stronger. Trust me. They do if you let them.

    It might be hard to think the way you think of yourself and behave, but it really is worth the effort. I used to feel inadequate like you and my insecurities ruined the best thing I ever had with someone. Try not to let that happen to you. Don't distrust others based on your own insecurities, because you are not your own best judge.

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    • How am I supposed to do all of that?

What Guys Said 2

  • glad I'm not alone

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  • You're not a hopeless case, but you have some maturing to do.

    For one thing, no one ever died from being rejected. Keep asking girls out, but do it with no expectations. Do it solely for the purposes of building up a callous, the way you would on your fingers playing guitar. Eventually, you'll realize that rejection is harmless, everyone deals with it, and you'll lose the fear of rejection.

    The fear is possibly one reason you weren't successful. Fear is the antithesis of confidence.

    Lastly, you need to work on your flirting skills. It's a skill like any other. Practice makes perfect.

    And you're not a lost case because you're only 20 and realising you have a problem. There are 40 year old guys out there who've never been rejected 10 times because they never asked 10 girls out. It's a LOT harder for them to even admit they have a problem, never mind address it.

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