If he likes me so much why still on dating sites?

OK, so I've gone back and forth with this guy, as I've had issues with him still being online after talking with me a few months. please. read and lemme know honest opinions, even harsh ones...i really would appreciate it!

OK, so we started talking, mostly texting and emailing in February. we finally met up end of February. so it's been about 2 months of hanging out on average maybe once a week, but we had a few weeks total of not hanging Because of a fight and also he was on vacation one week (though we still texted every day). anyway, we're both divorced, have kids, both had rough end to our marriages. but we both have a good 2 years out of the marriage so the exes aren't really an issue. we talk or text all day every day, we hang out based on our kids' schedules with our exes. he tells me he likes me. we get along really well, we are very similar...we really enjoy our time together. my one issue is the online thing...he has not hidden his profile yet. he says he will not go on any dates while seeing me, but he is not yet ready to take down a profile completely so soon...that he does go on. he is very honest and blunt so when he says he hasn't seen other girls I believe him. yesterday he calls me and says hey just wanted to let ya know a girl I used to hang out with asked to hang out with me. I said no. I just wanted you to know. Because I only hang out with you. we hadn't been fighting over the online stuff since getting back together, I have gotten back online too (why hedge all my bets if he isn't). fact is though it kills me he is online I like him a lot and he seems to like me. what do you guys think? should I just try to go with the flow? I try not to mention it to him now Because I don't want to appear eager or desperate. I even went on a date (he texted me during it lol)...he hasn't gone on a date since February. he knows I really don't wanna be online though. anyway, feedback is appreciated...sorry if I rambled lol...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is awful. This guy is treating you like a backup plan. Ridiculous. I would never stay with a guy who treated me this way. Instead, I would have told him immediately that I was not comfortable with him maintaining an online dating profile. I wouldn't nag and I wouldn't give an ultimatum. I would just tell him how I felt and if he said he still wanted to stay online, I would end it.

    I have found out the hard way that staying with someone who thinks you are okay or who is not sure about you is not the way a strong relationship starts. Face it, the beginning is the honeymoon period where everything is supposed to be at it's best. What happens when you are not in the honeymoon any longer? I guess the fact that he now told you he wants to hang out with a former flame shows you how that is going to go.

    Oh, and hopefully you two are not having sex. If you are, well you have shown him that you are fine not having any emotional intimacy but having sexual intimacy and that is a recipe for disaster.

    So, don't you deserve better than this? Don't you deserve the man who thinks you are so amazing he would never risk losing you by keeping up an online dating profile? Think about it. Good luck!

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    • thanks so much for feedback...to be clear though he said "no" to the former flame...he just thought I should know she asked. but he said he wasn't interested. but that doesn't change the fact he is online :(

    • Yes, it does not change the fact that he is online. Honestly, that is insulting. If you guys are just dating and not intimate, well I guess you can both do what you want theoretically, but if you have moved past the casual dating into any sort of intimacy, this is not cool. However, people will do what we put our stamp of approval on. Even if we say that something they are doing makes us uncomfortable, they may continue to do it, but then we have the choice to end it.

What Guys Said 1

  • you are his back up until he finds another woman he wants to get to know better.

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What Girls Said 1

  • maybe he didn't delete his profile yet? :) or he just wants to see what kind of massages he receives out of curiosity! I mean there's this guy I really like and I hope things are gonna work with us! but I haven't deleted my profile yet because I don't really see the need to! as long as I am not on it so what's the hassle? you know :)

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    • he def still goes on but I know he prob likes to see messages he is like that lol, ego thing. I just wish he would get off but I'm not sure when I should give up on the idea of him getting off or not. maybe it's still too soon I dunno...

    • well my advice would be don't pressure him in any way not until you guys are exclusive then just talk to him about it and ask him to delete his profile!

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