I Need to Learn How to Have More Respect for Her. Helpful Advice?

I am into my friend Kaitlin, who is dating another guy right now. But she knows I'm into her, and we both know and agree that if/when she breaks up with this guy, that she'll be back with me. But I'm not happy with how I've treated her.

I really care about her, and she notices that. But I'm a very physical person, and I also have a great desire to see her body, and she knows all this, too. And even after all the times I've asked her to do more sexy or risqué things for/with me, she still knows I care about her, and she still likes me. But I don't like that I keep doing that. I hate the fact that I keep making her a sexual object half the time.

Can anyone give me any advice as to how I can go about treating her better, as a friend and as a romantic partner? If I ever do see her body, I want it to be because I earned it as a loving and trustworthy partner, and not because I asked fifty-billion times until I got a result. I don't want that to be me.


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What Girls Said 1

  • You're a guy.

    A lack of respect for women is in your nature.

    Try talking to her, touching her with no intention of hooking up, and find out why you think of her as an sex object.

    If you're just feeling sexually aroused by her you're not viewing her as a sex object. It's when you think of her as having no use but to please you that you are.

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    • Heh. That both helps me and makes me more upset. She definitely sees me a one of the better guys she's ever met/dated. And I like to do things with her that don't have to do with making out or anything. But I definitely enjoy that a lot, also. I guess the bigger point is that I want to think about the sexual stuff less. I want to completely avoid running the risk of thinking about myself more than about her.

    • Then how about when you think sexually think of pleasing her?

      That way you don't see her as a sex object but as a sexual being.

      Having urges don't make you a bad guy what you do with them does.

    • I can honestly say that pleasing her is just as important, if not moreso, than pleasing myself. I'd love to be able to please her. But she's not ready for that stage yet. That's why I'm trying to build on stronger foundations than physical pleasure. I can do it; I just want to get my mind on those things more often/strongly, so I'm looking for ways to do that. I appreciate what you've said so far, though.

What Guys Said 1

  • Honestly, the first thing I noticed that is horribly wrong with this picture is when you said "WHO IS DATING ANOTHER GUY NOW" and then "IF/WHEN SHE BREAKS UP WITH THIS GUY, THAT SHE"LL BE BACK WITH ME". Sorry about the Caps Lock but you need to see how wrong that is. There's no reason for you to let ANY girl, even if you're in love with them, treat you like a dog waiting on his master. I've done that so many times and it failed miserably each time. Even the times when I actually was dating the girl (i.e. my last girlfriend) everything ended terribly and with a plethora of unnecessary drama. NEVER let a girl even think that you will wait for her to be finished with another guy. She just wants to have her cake and eat it too. It's manipulative, deceitful, and is a terrible foundation for a serious relationship. You're just too good for that. Don't worry about her and pursue another girl or just date WOMEN. When I say WOMEN I mean casual dates that don't include a serious, steady relationship that may or may not include sexuality. Let the ladies know that you're a confident, fun guy to go out on dates with. You'll have more fun and do without a metric sh*t ton of heartbreak. You're better than this and you know it.

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    • Hey, man. I wanna let you know that you were totally right. It turned out in the end that she was basically using me and didn't really think my feelings were very important, even though I've treated her like a queen. Thankfully, I've gotten long past her, and I'm now talking to a girl who actually thinks highly of me (named Kaitlyn. Go figure). I knew your advice was true, but I tried to sort out everything anyway instead of dropping it. But I dropped it, and now I'm feelin' good. Thanks.

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