What's up with the dating scene?

I'm in college right now, have two jobs, a car, and hit the gym pretty often. I don't like to party on the account that I don't do drugs or like to be around them, and I don't/can't drink. Bars are pretty much disgusting and absolutely smell but I do go out and DD for friends on occasion, and clubs seem to be places for people to meet for random sex. It seems like I was born in a generation that I'm not part of. I focus on school, giving back to the community, keeping my body healthy, and working to pay the bills. I do have a decent amount of free time yet dating seems to be out of the question. I wouldn't say I'm completely unattractive just an average looking guy with every other aspect of my life being amazing. Yet when it gets down to it it seems like since I don't party and or drink girls have zero interest in me. I've tried online sites, classes and college recreation groups, work, pretty much everything just to really get myself out there and meet people. I've got a BS in psychology, intelligent, charming, funny, etc. All of the sorts of things I hear girls want from friends and people they date yet I clearly see them at Portland State (Huge college by the way) dating guys who are bums, lazy, not going anywhere in life but are big party and drinkers. Then I see them treat them like crap even on campus during school. So what sorts of things should I be doing otherwise to meet people? Seems like after I meet a girl and get them to hangout a few times it's a piece of cake once they realize the type of person I am, but usually those girls already have boyfriends/engaged or married. It's been a couple years since I've had an official date and I'm only 24. I've run out of ideas to meet people like I said I tried online, in school, through work and my volunteering, and even school related groups and programs. Any suggestions from anyone. I'd like to date a little before I head off to med school hopefully make some good friends and possibly connect with someone but don't have any expectations for more then making friends.

Updates:
Thanks longbefore for your answer, it does make sense but that's something I've never really done is looked down on people. I'm not saying any of that is a terrible thing, I just don't partake in drinking because I physically can't. I don't expect something unrealistic, just good personality and honest people. I get what your saying a lot but instead of people saying serious they say because I don't drink I'm boring. I've got both the serious side (work/school) and fun side (everything else)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think its because YOU don't party and drink, but because it, by your text, seems like you look down on people who do. In collage, most girls want to have a fun, before facing all the more serious things that comes with life. But at the same time, there are a lot of girls that are what you seem to want, but I think you are overlooking them for different reasons. You seem like a guy who knows what he wants and have high expectations on things and that might get in your way in this case. Not many people wants to date a guy who is to serious and especially has to high expectations of you. What's wrong with drinking and going out for example? Sure there are people who goes out to get laid, but there are just as many people going out just to have fun with friends, and meet new people. Many of my friends have I met while partying (and no, I haven't flirted or slept with them), and you meet pretty deep people doing it. It doesn't mean that just because you are very smart and mature you can't go out and have fun. Since you are so serious and has so many things going on with volunteering and so on it feels like you think people who doesn't' do it, or are a bit more unseious, are beneath you. I'm not saying that that's how you feel, but maybe that's the way you make people feel.

    It feels like I'm rambling, but I hope you get my point. You seem a little too serious and rigid :p

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What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Guys Said 2

  • Put yourself in her shoes.

    She's a girl, but like you. Smart, hard worker, drug and alcohol free. Doesn't do bars and clubs. Where does she go to meet guys and have fun?

    "my volunteering, and even school related groups and programs."

    Try non-school related groups and programs. The world is full of book groups, running groups, climbing groups, groups of all kinds. It should be really quite easy to meet people this way.

    Also, don't dismiss bars and clubs quite so quickly. Any such establishment has to get good at drawing women in to survive; guys don't spend money to drink with a bunch of other guys.

    So you'll find a lot of events--concerts, karaoke, holiday parties, sports events--sponsored by the bar created to generate traffic. Even if you don't intend to drink--no one cares if you're not a jerk and you tip your barkeep kindly--at least you're someplace where there's likely to be available women. Remember, when fishing, you go where the fishes are.

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  • So your success and accomplishments are what you expect to, in a sense, "buy" you a girlfriend? That could be your problem.

    If you don't like party girls, then quit looking for them at parties. If you don't like bars, then don't go (unless you feel your friends really need a DD). Go to a place that you think would attract the kind of girl you're into, and talk to them.

    Are you trying to impress them with what you've done? Are you hoping they'll like you? Basically, are you trying to hard to force anything?

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