Is he truly stressed or does he not feel the same?

I've been dating this guy for about a year now. things started very slowly and moved that way for a long time. We have always communicated about everything very openly without much awkwardness. One of the things I loved about him was that he did the small things that meant so much. Examples are just basic consideration, respect and making sure I was always OK with things. I also respected that he was his own individual. He has a large school load along with sports. I have always been supportive and understanding. Our time is limited, but it has always been quality time with a lot of laughter. He has 2 very demanding sets of parents that are very controlling and critical of him. Over the past few months things have changed. He is less considerate, more irritable and has less time. He is hanging back with his old group of friends more ( who he admits are bad influences). I have told him a few times how I feel about not getting to see him. I tried to be very respectful when I do this. If he feels me pulling away, he gets upset. He tells me often how he loves me and doesn't know what he would do without me. The problem is his actions don't match his words. I have detached, backed off and supported the fact that he is very busy and stressed at the moment. But I feel empty and confused. It is that he is truly stressed or is it that he doesn't feel the same?


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What Guys Said 1

  • I think it is he who is confused.

    I'm sorry to say this, but you are part of that confusion.

    He has demanding parents, he has bad influences from his friends, a demanding job, and of course a very loving girlfriend.

    You have done the right thing by being cool. The trick is to find that fine line between being cool enough so you don't add to his stress but still give enough warmth to know you care.

    Give him a bit of space, and ask him if he fancies going for a mini-break somewhere. Doesn't have to be major fancy. Just a long weekend somewhere nice. Don't press the subject or make a big fuss, just matter of factly suggest it.

    Now, back to this chap, he has to be strong in himself, for himself. You can only suggest. And do not be distraught if he chooses his parents, his work, or his friends over you. Such is the way of life sometimes.

    If you stay strong, calm, self assured, and not pressurising him into anything, and yet all his friends, family, job is, well, he may go off on one and try and deal with all this, burn himself out, and come back to you, your rock in his turmoil.

    That is all we can be for anyone.

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    • Wow...thank you. I think you just best described the situation. And I am afraid that he is going to go off on one. And I think I am the rock in his life, I am certainly more self assured than him. It is a little sad to see the changes in him from the guy I fell for. There really isn't much I can do, accept take care of myself. I miss him though

    • I believe we all know the answers to our lives. We are all self aware of what we need to do. Such as yourself, you knew already there isn't much you can do, take care of yourself and hope for the best. There is something in the human psyche that seems to force us to make mistakes despite us already knowing the outcome. He probably knows you're his rock, and he probably doesn't know why he is doing it. I guess we have to fall over before we can learn to walk.

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