OK so I have been seeing this guy for about 2 months we met online. (He said he was looking for friends but things between us have changed) He still logs onto the site and blah blah but I don't think he is seeing anyone else. My problem is we hangout and have a great time but he is really hard to get to know. He waited a month to tell me he is divorced...Which is not a big deal to me. But I don't know why he didn't just tell me, he said that some girls thought he was no good after being divorced. So we text some, hangout, go on dates, etc. But he says he isn't ready for a relationship, he has been hurt too many times... I told him I have had the same problem but that I wouldn't hurt him. He said he had heard that before so how do I reach out to him and get him to understand that I care for him? I really like him and think we could have a future if he would open up.
How do I reach him and make him understand?
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You can't force someone to get over an ex. It sounds like the wound is too new and too fresh and he isn't ready to date anyone. He obviously has fun with you and Iikes you, but if he isn't ready to go there, don't force him - you will just lose him altogether. If a person literally says they aren't ready for a relationship, they mean it. And it's a good thing he is self-aware enough to know that this isn't something he can handle right now. If you really care about him, listen to what he is saying and give him the time and space he needs to heal. Hang out with him once in awhile if you want, but as a friend without any expectations. There's no telling how much time he will need, the time is different for everyone. Just let him know you are there if he needs someone to talk to. Also, don't make promises you can't keep, such as "I will never hurt you". You never know what the future ever has in store, what kind of a boyfriend he will be if you do get together, or what may happen in the future. You don't have all the answers anymore than anyone else does. It's clear that you really like him but if that's true you have to think outside of yourself and your immediate wants. He is going through something, the aftermath of divorce isn't easy on anyone, and he really needs time. You have met him at a bad time in his life and will have to be patient, that's all you can do. That's not a guarantee he will be ready anytime soon or that he wants to be with you, but if he is spending time with you it sounds like he really needs a friend. Good luck.
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