Should I pursue her?

About 3 months ago, me and a girl started working at a new company. Initially, we were very friendly and then became flirty with each other. As time went on, she mentioned that her and her previous boyfriend had "unofficially" broken up. I figured that she needed time and just kept being friends with her.

After a couple of weeks, we became closer and closer. She would come over to my house and we would hang out before going to work. We would eat lunch together every day at work. We basically became more than friends. Fast forward 3 months and all of a sudden her ex starts talking to her more and she suddenly stops things with me and tells me that she's decided to try again with her ex because she doesn't want him to feel like she gave up on him.

Their previous relationship was somewhat troubled due to her parents. Anyway, now we are very close as friends but not the way we were before where we would be kissing and sleeping (non-sexually). She knows how I feel for her since both of us are very open in our communication. I've mentioned to her that I have very deep feelings for her and she says that she appreciates me for everything that I've done for her. She says that she cares for me greatly and that she feels for me as well. She also says that had she not been with this other guy, she would be with me. She says that she's only said "I love you" once and it was to this guy.

That's why she can't say it to me. I told her that I'm not asking her to say "I love you" to me. I even told her that I care for her greatly and that my heart doesn't want to give up on her. She comes by my cube in the office often and we talk. We touch often. Just yesterday she comes over, starts talking to me and touches my fingers (because I used to play with her fingers and nails) and places her hand near my mouth. At this point I'm sitting on my chair and she's standing up. Anyway, I kissed her hand like I've done in the past. I can't tell if she wants to be closer with me or if now I've become her friend. I don't know what to do. My heart just feels so heavy now and I don't know if me and her will ever be the same way as before but my heart doesn't want to give up.

What do you all think I should do? Any advice?

What I don't understand about this girl is that she has this "loving" look in her eyes. Even my co-workers who see her with me say this. And she says that she "loves" me and even put a lot of effort and thought for my birthday and Christmas presents.
I'm not sure what to think anymore about this girl. I really like her but don't know how much I'm hurting myself. I've never connected with anyone like this and this fast before in my life, especially a girl. This is what's keeping me from quitting.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds like she is confused but she was willing to so quickly drop you for this other guy maybe she does have feelings for you but the ones for her other guy are stronger and she wishes to see where it leads her. Cut the flirting out let her know that esp if she is with this other guy it is not right and it just puts more unsolved issues between the two of you just be friends with her not flirty friends just non touchy friends and be there if she needs to talk but also if you think your advice to her will be influenced based on how YOU feel for her then do not even do that cause it is not right she has got to make the choice on her own in the end or even if she does choose you it will not be all her and who is to say because of her not finishing this current realationship she won't just leave you again? Just distance yourself a little your only going to get hurt in the end if you do not go about this carefully and with caution for not only your friendship with her but your own feelings and emotions.

    • I agree with the advice, but could you please use more punctuation? Your answer is hard to read.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Just tell her you care about her happiness the most, but don't expect much, she told you from the beginning the break up was "unofficial," and you did not tell her, please let me know when it's official before you "basically became more than friends", time to draw some boundaries :-)


What Guys Said 4

  • Dude, I'd say your were sort of the rebound guy, but not even. You are her emotional crutch. Obviously she wants to be with her boyfriend, and pursuing her will only lead to more hurt for you. I hate when chicks do that to guys I have a friend who Chicks love to use for emotional support, he falls for them and then gets hurt. It sucks, I say back off and be normal friends.

    • Unfortunately that is the set-up here. I agree with your advice.

  • Run for the hills. She's using you for the emotional support that she doesn't get from her boyfriend.

  • I agree with Stanley, she is using you for emotional support. If she has a boyfriend, then back the f*ck off! How would you like someone trying to steel your girlfriend? Not to be mean but so many guys can't seem to find there own girl so they take advantage of someone else's girlfriend when times are tough. Find a girl that is more stable, then you won't have to worry about who she's flirting with when you have your own hard times.

  • Oh boy that's a tough one. I had a similar situation but I found out that I was the friend on the side...(the penis in the jar so to speak, her words not mine) anyway same similar situation work love and we hit it off, BUT she wasn't that into me she still thought about her boyfriend and I was a bit concerned. I'm a Loving guy and I believe that everyone should be happy so I told her to be happy even though it wasn't with me. MY ADVICE be a friend give her the option and let her know how you feel about the situation.