Once a cheater, always a cheater? Is it true?

What is your pov on this?

I have encountered several instances with my husband where lying & infidelity has occurred. I feel like we are in this odd place where we have fun, sex is always new/hot...so...I have no clue what the true issue could be. He says he's never actually cheated, but only attempted it.(as if its any better) He claims he just loves trying to get attention from the opposite gender...bc as a teen & early 20's he was overweight. Bs maybe?

Again...as I said...I'm lost.

I don't have low self esteem, I don't think I myself can personally change him, I don't think I couldn't "do better"...I just have never had such a insane bond with, this much fun with, or such incredible sexual compatibility with ANY man until now...so as a woman who could say pretty confidently that I hadn't even "loved" until him(at the age of 27)...it saddens me to think of letting this go.

Any opinions are welcomed...I'm a "guys girl"...& have always had predominately male friends (until marriage) & cannot take anymore hormonal advice from other women.

Thanks!

E


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well a cheater is a cheater is a cheater...his reasons are actually disturbing ...he enjoys trying to get attention for the opposite gender and has "attempted" to cheat ...attempting is so much worse since he is trying to...not things just happened...he's actually trying to ...id say leave ...you can't change anybody they can only change themselves...and loving someone is no reason to stay if they have no respect for you and continue to act this way...you deserve better

    best of luck

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What Guys Said 3

  • Anybody who was a late bloomer needs extra validation, that's not bs. If you loved him, you'd understand that. So that forgives flirting, which I think is healthy in a relationship and this is why, by successfully attracting members of the opposite gender, you are reminding yourself that you aren't 'stuck' in a relationship and that you didn't 'settle', that it's a choice you are making daily to be with the person.

    Now, if there was actual infidelity, then I wouldn't say to forgive or forget that.

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  • Flirting = okay, intimate talks/sex=not okay. If it's the former I say give him a chance to shape up; if it's the latter I say quit while you're ahead. You can either be divorced at 27-28 or you can be divorced at 32-35+, your choice. People who don't grow up and keep screwing around don't make good spouses.

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  • Sluts is sluts.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I believe that if a guy cheats on you, he won't *necessarily* do it again, but the fear/possibility that he WILL is enough to drive you insane and it isn't worth staying with him.

    My belief is more like, "Once a cheater, can't be trusted."

    Plus, many guys cheat because they aren't with the right person for them. But the important thing in your situation is that he hasn't actually cheated. I don't know the specifics, but it sounds like he's just a natural flirt? Some girls can put up with that, some can't (I'm one of the ones who can't, haha). But if he has lied to you many times... I personally would let go.

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  • Once a cheater always a cheater. The best way to predict the future is to look into the past.

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  • Yes they will always be a cheater. Everyone that I know of that has cheated in the past continues to still do it no matter how in love they say they are. They know it's wrong, but they still do it because they want to, and they can.

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  • i personally think so. I would never date a cheater. if they can do it once, they can do it again

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