How can I go with the natural flow with her?

Hi, thanks for reading my post.

I'm at a point in my life where I'm realizing what I truly want, but sometimes just don't know how to go about getting it -- or finding it, whatever the case may be. I have had a lot of short relationships. Some long, but most of them were in the 3 month range. It dawned on me recently that I have been living out an unhealthy pattern of attraction and emotional connection, by realizing this, I can feel some progress. But the old habits are still there.

What happens is I get really interested in a woman and within a short time I develop expectations based on my own image of her, which I know is not the whole story since I don't know her so well yet. I think this is due to the fact that I spent many of my younger years chasing women based on initial attraction without a reasonable level of emotional compatibility, or something.

So my question is about that. I met a woman in the past month that really got my attention. I asked her out and she said yes. When we went out the first time, a couple weeks ago, it was a spur-of-the-moment thing where we went for some drinks and then got dinner. After dinner, I said we would get her home and caught a cab for her. She said "OR, we could go to your place and make out." So we did. Besides the things we have in common, the chemistry is awesome. I know, I know, I really still don't know her yet. But it seems like we really clicked.

The thing is, during the next week our communications were spotty, and with our schedules we didn't have a chance to go out again. I think I screwed up by not calling her the very next day, although I did text her two days later. We've communicated and talked on the phone a bit, but have not made plans yet. It really would be hard to believe that she would not want to see me again after how well it went. But my paranoid mind is telling me that I've screwed it up already, and that it's all a let down from here.

I can't stop thinking about her -- the other night I only got a couple hours sleep. Yes, I realize this is not necessarily healthy indicator of interest, but the heart wants what it wants. If I could just get out of my head, and accept whatever outcome unfolds (without trying to make it happen), I know at least I would be in a better place.

So how can I keep myself from trying to get it "on track" and just go with the natural flow? Any good way to let her know I'm still interested without crossing over some imaginary lines? Until I know her, I really don't know how much interest she expects me to show...

Any ideas?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Well, write a letter to her, but, don't send it to her. Then, you will be able to read the letter and analyze how you would approach her next.

    My recommendation - slow down on the physical stuff. Just because the chemistry is there, you've waited this long for a wonderful woman, why let your emotions take control?!

    You say you want to get to know her better. Be carefully honest with her. You posted your feelings on here - you seem passionate and controlled. Just choose what you say to her carefully.

    I know my ideas are kind of ambiguous, but you let your heart and mind work together on this. You seem to be trusting your mind more recently, but let your heart get the better of you in getting physical with this new woman.

    You'll figure this out man. If you really want, you could read "I Kissed Dating GOODBYE." Minus all of the religious stuff, which I partially agree with, it's a SOLID book on dating, but geared towards younger adults. However, I'm not a young one anymore and it affirmed how I have felt my whole life.

    Much success on your finding the right woman after you IDENTIFY what it is you want in the right woman. :D *both thumbs up*

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    • Thanks man, great advice.

      Yeah I was more emotionally wrapped than physically -- even though she is super hot, our personalities and interests matched so well that I was totally on my best behavior.

      At this point I am at the letting go stage, since she has shown that it's more important for her to flake ("I apologize for all forms of flakiness.") instead of showing up. The hardest part of shutting it down is that there wasn't any strange event or bad vibe or any of that.

    • Well, sometimes things aren't meant to happen. Consider this an awesome letter in what you want to feel when someone really wants to be with you. You'll really feel it and you will say it was worth the wait!

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