I was a weird kid / teen, but normal now, does it matter?

Trying to keep it short, as a kid I was very curious sexually and did my share of experimenting and curiosity, which I hate myself for. For whatever reason I think I remember exposing myself to (2) young cousins (too young to remember it happening) when I was about 14. My parents would leave the doors open when changing and going to the bathroom, perhaps lending to my confusion, but I'm much older now and obviously I think its detestable and keep my business for my partner and myself. I'm not an exhibitionist at all, but I obsess about these things, and although I'm not like that at all now, it gives me crazy anxiety. What are your thoughts? Any help is appreciated.

Updates:
I am currently 25, and I accept how abnormal it makes me seem. I had a very confusing childhood, its not an excuse. It's constantly on my conscience, but obviously it has nothing to do with who I am now. I'm not a freak or anything gross like that, just a very poor decision as an early teen. It's hard for people to understand that just because we made a really poor naive choice as a kid, does not mean we are proud of it or that we'd EVER repeat it again. The memory disgusts me.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, if I knew that about your past, I would not date you becuase I would not want to have chidlren with you.

    Regardless of your orientation, though, if you obsess about it, then yes, it matters, because it is affecting who you currently are. You have to let go and forgive yourself for these things. Call those cousins if you must. Everyone does stupid things when they're young. You have to live in the present.

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    • Just so you know I didn't downvote you, I respect people's opinion, and I didn't downvote just so you know.

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    • I hope so too. As per your most recent update, I do honestly believe that you are a better man and you wouldn't do that ever again. But when it comes to my future children, I'm sorry, but 95% sure that you are a better person is not a risk I am willing to take. I would forgive you myself, but I can't make that decision for my children. But you will find someone who can, as long as you have forgiven yourself. Accept it so it is not on your conscience all the time.

    • It's an understandable worry, and its something only I can truly know that its a 100% assurance, I can't fault anyone for not seeing into my head. Its something I need to accept, it happened (unfortunately), but knowing who I am now I need to let go and forgive myself for a mistake I made. One that I will protect my kids from making, because no one deserves to have the childhood I did, or to have the regret that I do, because my parents were never there. All I can do is be a better man for me.

What Girls Said 1

  • things are meant to be left in the past, yes it was something wrong. But don't try to dwell on things that don't matter since you have changed

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What Guys Said 1

  • What age are you now?

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    • You've had eleven years to clear yourself from guilt. You clearly can't do that, so instead of trying, merely accept that you will find guilt and disdain in your wrong or futureshock contradictive actions, and find ways to lessen that worry.

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    • thank you, the fresh perspective is welcome.

    • ^_^ Your welcome

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