I'm an 18 year old female and I've never had a boyfriend. Bad?

Long story short - I'm an ugly duckling who grew to be a swan. While everyone else my age was having their first dates and relationships, losing their virginity, and getting to know love/dating/relationships, I was going through a rough spot in my psychological journey. It had a strong hold on me... wrapped it's self around me, binding me from so many experiences. I've just now had my first date this past Valentine's Day, my first kiss two days later, first time cuddling with a guy, first time spending the night at a guy's house (nothing happened), and overall my first time really getting to know a guy with romantic interest.

All of this never bothered me before. I genuinely love the single life and not having to deal with the stress, frustration, pain, and drama that I’ve seen come with dating and relationships. Yet after getting a taste of having a guy around, I kinda want more. The guy I mentioned earlier, we got to a point where we would act like a couple. Things didn’t progress because we’re both moving and we didn’t want to get attached only to face painfully parting our ways. Anyway, I’ll be nineteen in a few months and I’ve never had a relationship and barely dated. It never gets to me until I’m out in public and I see couples who just look like they’ve found peace in each other. Or when I hear songs with words like “Love is kind when the world is cold. Love stays strong when the fight gets old. Love is like the water when the well runs dry. Quench my thirst; keeps me alive. Just need one sip, baby. Love is you. “ I can’t help but want that experience. I’m feeling a little frustrated. Yet, I don’t think it’s wise to just go out there and look for some guy to be my boyfriend just because I want one. Seems like that would be settling. By the way, it’s not like I desperately want one, I just want the experience. I’m not even sure how to act in a relationship or how things are supposed to go. Any tips? Any advice at all? Anyone sharing my situation, please give your thoughts and feelings! Guys, what would you honestly think about dating and possibly pursuing a relationship with a girl like this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Enjoy it. Unfortunately I've had a messed up childhood where my parents, specifically my father has tampered with my psyche and I haven't been able to shake it. I've never had a relationship nor found a descent girl to give me a chance. I'm about to be 23 in September. I've had a few flings but their few and far inbetween. I'm a classy and respectable guy who'd bust his tail to see a girl smile. I just don't see what I'm doing wrong, or not enough of. I've been thinking about seeing a dating guru just to see what responses I'd get. You have nothing to worry about. Since "becoming a swan', guys will gradually notice you more and more. Your personal life will pick up before you knwo it

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What Guys Said 4

  • If I like her, I wouldn't care about her history unless it still affects her. I just want her to be comfortable with me. As long as she's happy with me, then nothing else really matters. Be yourself and be honest on what you want from the guy. Be understanding that we can't read your mind and sometimes we need some alone time to hang out with friends. It doesn't mean we don't care about you, we just want some time alone.

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  • Look, you may FEEL like you're behind, but at 18, you're really not, or at most, only a very little behind. Aside from the players who just want sex ASAP, most guys are going to be perfectly fine with where you are in experience. And the better guys will be happy to go through the learning process with you; they'll make it into an adventure!

    My advice is this: you are RIGHT in that you don't know how to be a girlfriend, or how to choose a boyfriend, etc. Those things only come with experience, and you don't have that yet. So... the answer is: DATE. Don't get too serious too quickly, and don't be afraid to go out on a date even if you're unsure if you like the guy (but be honest with him), because you don't yet know what's really important in a mate, and you need experience to learn. And just like, say, learning how to play a musical instrument, you're going to have to survive the awkward early stages, where you learn to play Twinke Twinke Little Star, badly, before you can move on to more complicated (and rewarding) material.

    So, get out there, go out with guys, even if it's a "hang out" date, and figure out what things are important, and what isn't. Go slow, and don't get too involved unless you find a really good match, and even then, know that at your age, most relationships won't last. Be okay with that, even if you are sad when they end. You will end up going out with some lousy guys at first, but that will be valuable experience to help you choose better the next time.

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  • Bad? Not at all...I was technically a virgin until I was 19...I have had sex with at least 20...

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  • sounds like you need to get boned

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What Girls Said 2

  • I actually know tons of girls in your situation. There's totally nothing wrong with it. But if you do find yourself liking or dating someone, try not to get really clingy. Because that person would be like your first "real" partner, you're more likely to be really attached to him. And don't be afraid to make the first move. Sometimes if you want a relationship to go anywhere, you have to act. (A lot of girls now a days think that men are responsible for paying for everything, acting first, and all that... but it's not true. Us ladies have to do all of that stuff too.) Another thing, don't do anything you're not comfortable doing. If you're in a relationship and he wants sex or whatever, you don't have to if it's too weird for you. Just be yourself and if a guy doesn't like you the way you are, then that's their lose.

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  • welll...i feel like me and you are sisters from another mister...ahahhah...i will also be 19 in a few months and you pretty much jsut described my love life to date...any guy I ever wanted, always seemed more interested in my skinny, pretty, cheerleading friends! I do feel the exact same as you about the whole seeing couples and wanting what they have...when you are around nothing but couples ALL the time...it can kinda make you feel like a third wheel of some sort...but see although I haven't went through all the heartbreak my friends have, when I DO finally get a boyfriens, which I KNOW I am gonna meet in college...he will be the one...i like to thibk of girls like me and you LUCKY! not left out...hahah

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    • Awww, sorry to hear that! I can't relate to guys choosing some skinny, pretty friend over me because I'm a model and guys hit on me all the time, but I definitely feel your frustration! Why do you think you're lucky?

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