Ladies: Do you ever stop to think that maybe YOU'RE the problem?

I've seen a lot of women go on rants about how all men suck because they've been wronged somehow by all the men they've gone out with in the past. Maybe every guy you've ever been with has cheated on you, or lied to you, or abused you in some way, whatever. Do you ever stop to think that maybe YOU'RE the problem? Or, more specifically, the guys you go for? Maybe you just happen to be attracted to the type of guys who would do something like that.

Updates:
Heres my theory: Women, just as with the female species of all animals in nature, are naturally inclined to want the "Alpha male". The problem is that with humans, the qualities that define an "alpha male" are the same qualities that make for a.
bad boyfriend, one who treats their women like dirt and like a piece of property.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • First of all, generalizations are stupid. Saying all men or all women suck (something men AND women both do) is ridiculous. So it doesn't work out with someone, there are 6 billion other people on the planet. I see men and women both whine in the same way about the same things and it's pathetic. An attitude like that usually suggests that they have their problems and most likely contributed to whatever happened. Men and women do tend to have types and tend to replicate patterns they were raised with. If they find a consistently unhealthy combination, they need to evaluate their own behavior and make better choices.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Though it may not seem like it, there are women who have evolved beyond the standard. You're definition of an "alpha male" is a testosterone laden asshole who beats up everyone in his path. MY definition of an "alpha male" is one that can provide for my children, with his brains not his brawn. Because these days brawn gets you no where.

    I think the male definition of women is skewed. Of all the millions of women on earth, the majority of them are not dating your definition of alpha males. When you speak of women in general, you are speaking about the ones YOU are attracted to. I'm sure your ideas of attraction have nothing to do with her level of intelligence, her common sense, or her ability to survive in a dog eat dog world. It's based more on looks. I understand there are intelligent women out there in abusive relationships, but the MAJORITY of smart women, brought up to think for herself and loved by those around her - are too intelligent to fall for some stupid brawny guy's spiel.

    There are plenty of healthy women in fulfilling relationships out there, you just don't hear from them.

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    • I can see your point but see my definition of an alpha male comes from what defines it in the animal kingdom, and that carries over to us. your definition of an alpha male is not the dictionary definition of one. and my point is that those guys do possess the qualities that attract women.

    • Folk tend to get the what a MAN really is- people all want a man of action- independent, has his own things, has his own code/mode of living, owns up to his faults/frailties. Too many people think that being some meathead who pisses on everyone is being a man. That's how they get it twisted. Being a man is being firm, definitive, and most of all, real. True to their beliefs, and their families. They don't gotta be 6-2 240 to cast along shadow for others to follow, y'knw? Anyways, that's how I see it

  • Honestly.No, we do not think that we are the problem. We automatically assume its the mens fault. He lied to me, he cheated on me, he abuded me.we never stop to think." What did I do WRONG." Then again some women blame themself.he is hitting "abusing" me because I'm not worth it, or I didn't do that right, or its that the way he wanted it. I'm not good in bed so he cheated on me, I'm not sexually satifasting him so he cheated on me, or he he feels like he can't talk to me so he lies to me.some of us women think and ask our selves those questions.

    The general population of women do not though. We assume those men who cheat, lie, and abuse are just WRONG. We do not want to believe or think we are the problem.

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    • Youre right. THOSE men are wrong. What I'm talking about is the women who keep consistently getting involved with THOSE men. What the woman needs to understand is that its obviously something about her taste in men that's the problem. The qualities that attract her are the ones that go hand-in-hand with men like that, and if she tried different things, gave different types of men a chance, she wouldn't have these complaints.

    • I completely agree with you... I do not know why we as women choose men like that to be with.

      At first they tell us what we want to hear, give his want me need..and then when thye have us in the palm of their hands..Thats when the trouble brings..but this time we are in love with these men and it hard to get out of a relationship when you love someone.

    • That's b/c, Lisha, they found the woman's TRUE G-spot: between her ears.... why do pimps have a strong "talk game"? That's why. And add to the fact that lotsa girls don't really know what to look for wen it cumz to men (dadz are the girlz' first true crush)- I've seen it play out like that time and again- I've even talked to a number of women that have experienced this... I do like this site, 4 realz...

  • YES!

    i try to explain my point of view to my girls, but they always go like "NOOO! I DIDN'T DO NUTTIN' WRONGGG!"

    and I'm just like "ughh" because these are the same girls that get all crazy the second they see their boyfriends talking to a girl.

    you need to find a different kind of girl. not all girls are like that. it seems like the girls you've dated are really insecure. I hate these types of girls. it's painful to watch them torment guys. I really feel bad for guys though because I've noticed that girls complain a lot and they think that they're the ones that suffer more, but I think it's the guys that suffer. when guys are wronged, they don't even say anything, but girls just EXPECT to be wronged. blame society and the media.

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  • Um.well it's both sides. There are always three sides of the story. Version 1, version 2 and the truth. So, it's both people. Not one nor the other. If it's an abusive relationship it's on the women for not leaving AND on the guy for being abusive. Both. Some women just take a while to learn that they are worth having a solid and good relationship.

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  • Honestly, I see guys on here rant about the same thing, and the same question crosses my mind.

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  • i try and explain that but they only want to hear people agree with them and say that all guys are @$$s. they don't want to hear people say "your in the wrong!" or "maybe you did something wrong" they don't want to hear it so they want people to say the same thing as them.

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  • I agree with you. I wouldn't say that woman deserve to be abused or cheated on but if the have bad morals. then yes, they precondition this type of behavior. I also believe that it should be this way.

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  • Yes its quite likely that a woman can be a problem in a relationship/friendship. But really at the end of the day, its appropriate for either sex to question what they are doing to see why problems are arising. I think generally women say men suck because they have been cheated or lied to too many times. But saying that I am sure that many men have had this happen to them too.

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  • Yes, often. I often think that I am the problem and that usually gets me down. However, I think that there is a light up ahead. How long it will take to reach, I don't know, but I will get there someday!

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    • Not quite what I meant.. I was referring more to the woman's taste in men being the problem, rather than the woman herself.

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    • The fact that their parents are divorced doesn't really change them as a person, its a norm in todays society. just about everyone I know was raised in single parent homes, and theyre doing fine. most of my male friends treat their girlfriends/wives fantastic, and they came from single parent homes.

    • Yeah but they tend to treat me badly, but hey it's probably me. who cares? I'm single and playing the field, so yeah.

  • what? how is it the girls fault that she gets cheated on?

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    • You didn't read the whole question apparently. what I'm saying is that it seems like more women repeatedly go for men who do cheat and treat her poorly because only those guys possess the qualities that are attractive to them, then blame it on all men.

  • of course we feel like we're the problem, or that it's our fault, in almost every case. we lose our self respect, become insecure and depressed, whether it is our fault or not. and sometimes it is not, though sometimes it is. feeling anger or resentment towards the person that hurt us or towards men as a whole is a woman's biological way of trying to repair the damage done to her. yes it is a very negative way to do so, but many of us have no control over it until we realise that it isn't helping the situation in any way, shape or form. that's when we decide to "get over it" and move on with our lives, even start dating again, but then something that our new man either says or does sends a trigger to our brain that resembles what went wrong with the previous relationship. this again causes insecurities, depression and fear that history will repeat itself and depending on how our new guy responds to this, it may happen to us again, even if there was nothing wrong in the first place. so yes, sometimes we are the problem, or in many cases, our biological make up is the problem and then again, sometimes we just date jerks, so there you go.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I wouldn’t say its there fault so to say. Know a lot of girls who are in really bad relationships with guys and they won't leave them because they can change him, he’s not always like that, or some other lame excuse. Then if they actually do leave the person they end up in a relationship with someone who is exactly the same. Its really frustrating especially when they say stuff like guys suck, there all dicks. Most don’t even try to date someone outside of the normal type. For example they go for the athletic football player over the quiet guy who draws a lot even though he will treat her better. I think it has to do with confidence. A lot of abusive guys have a lot of confidence which seems to be what girls are largely attracted to.

    Men are not the only ones who do the things they complain of too such as cheat. Plenty of girls do that.

    People just need to learn to treat each other better in general.

    If you think you might be one of these girls I would suggest that you consider dating someone who is not generally your type. You may be surprised.

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  • Kudos to you for stepping up and saying something, agree with many of the points however will add that if they admit it or not and realize it or not they look for something in men which they can change and correct and make their own, be it fashion, self care, or behaviors. The need to be needed is always there if not then all that's left in the relationship is sex and please ladies stop thinking you're that "good" at it you're not all experts/professionals even if you can act the part.

    As to the statement again, cheated on you? males are meant to get as many females as they can, get the christian marriage prudish fallacies outta your head we wouldn't have legs if we only needed one forever and more to the point we wouldn't be able to procreate every 15 minutes. lied to you? fear of reaction, avoid conflict if you can, run from danger sound like common traits, we're only human remember we can stuff up (or get caught) JUST LIKE YOU!. abused you? find another guy less he's that worth it, you poke a tiger with a stick the tiger eats you. Stop thinking you're the center of the universe because its a much further away than mars, pluto or whatever the planet you're currently living on.

    thanks for the post annon lol

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    • If males are meant to get as many women as possible, why bother getting into a relationship in the first place?

      And lying is an act of cowardice. I would rather hear the truth even if it hurts. Don't be scared of a girl

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