Dating an older man?

im 19 and he's 44….he has one daughter, 5 years old. and he says he has no problem with the age difference at all. we have so much in common (and no I'm not just saying that, we really do), and he believes that or commonalities can over come our age diff. I honestly don't have have that big a problem with him having a kid, but the age difference does bother me somewhat…

i just don't know if I should get into this, I mean I really like him but could I honestly date or marry a man 24 years my senior….

im kinda having a war in my head right now, mulling over things lol

  • Yes, give him a try
    43% (6)6% (1)23% (7)Vote
  • No, move on to someone closer to my own age
    57% (8)94% (15)77% (23)Vote
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i don't have a supermodels body so it isn't that id be a trophy wife...

and I'm not a gold digger so...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There's something wrong with this guy. I'm 29 and I'd be creeped out dating someone your age.

    Sure, he's 44 and probably a lot more mature than guys your age (although you'd be surprised at how many mature 19-25 year old guys there are out there) but he is too old for you. Way too old.

    Think about a future together. If he gets you pregnant in a year or two, he'll be about 70 by the time your kid/s go to college.

    You'll be in your 40's and you will end up having to care for this guy while you'll be in the prime of your life and full of sexual energy. He'll be an old man. Even if he stays fit, you'll eventually regret it. There are literally hundreds of other reasons for not getting involved with this guy.

    Stay friends with him if you must but try to find someone with similar qualities at a more reasonable age... at least that's what I would do. If I was a 19 year old girl I wouldn't date anyone over 25.

    It's not worth it in the long run and trust me, there is definitely something fishy about this guy. A sane, normal 44 year old man would not date a teenager.

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What Guys Said 13

  • I have to say no. You're way too young. My parents had a 29 year age difference and it sort of worked only because they were both adults (mom was 33) and although my dad was old he was still very healthy and active and my mom was very old fashioned. There were even benefits like the fact that because he was retired, he was able to spend a lot of family time with us, but even then there were issues- like the fact that he had a wife/2nd family that we were a secret from, and he died while I was in high school (although from an accident, not old age).

    Right now you're 19, you barely know what you want in life and he's a lot more experienced than you. Perhaps, maybe in the future if the two of you still really feel like soul mates I'd say go with it, but right now I think this is really wrong. You're certainly not a kid, but you're still a "teenager". At least wait til you're settled into a career and then think about it. Back in the old days it wasn't uncommon for really old men to marry really young women, but I mean...just think about what kind of life you'll have with him. As others mentioned, he'll be in a retirement home before you, and he'll most likely die before you, possibly leaving you with a kid to raise on your own.

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  • let's look at this from another angle... your 19 and want to date someone 24 years younger than you... you would have to wait 5 years before your future date is born... then actually wait longer for that baby to grow up old enough for sexual maturity... ummm yeah I guess that's it ! lol

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  • I really don't know, I have no problem with age differences, I'm just thinking it's very unlikely you have THAT much in common even if you think you do. I won't say no, but I'll say "don't rush it." Love doesn't care about age differences or whatnot, but it's very unlikely it'll last. Honestly because he could just be going through a mid life crisis and that'll cause strain (or he will), he could try and feel like he has rights over you being "older" as older people sometimes think so (foolishly) and so order you around (not necessarily will, just be watchful of it), you could change over the next few years (no matter what you think, generally between ages 18 and 25 people go through many changes due to experimenting or college or whatever and can become entirely different people). Ya, I'd say the odds are stacked against you. If you feel something strong for him, give it a shot, but don't rush into anything at all, like barely even kiss for awhile and let things go really slowly.

    Best of luck.

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  • Well... It's obviously unusual. BUT I think it's totally fine. If you both actually like each other that go for it. some people might look down upon you though. But you shouldn't care

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  • I think you should only get into a relationship if you feel comfortably with it yourself, maybe it will help help if talk about it with him. You shouldn't think to much of what other people might think, I've seen people with even bigger age differences have great relationships.

    But you should also stop a second and think about the daughter, whether you are ready to be in a mother like role to this girl, and what she will think about it especially when she get into her teens and older, she might consider it awkward having a "step-mom" who could easily be her big sister.

    I think the most important thing is to talk about, to prevent that unsolved issues rise above at at later stadium of the relationship.

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    • we have talked about it, nd I told him how I feel and he completely understands. and I don't even think his daughter lives with him, but I understand what you me...

  • This is only about his money, whether you're aware of that or not. It can't possibly work on any other level.

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  • Theres no way that you should be dating a guy that much older than you when you're still a teenager. He's just taking advantage of you and from now on try to stay within ten years of your age.

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    • how is he taking advantage of me...

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    • If you really need me to explain to you why a 40 something year old dates a teenage girl then you're not thinking.

      I don't mean to say that you're a little naive kid, but as you are still young, you may not have the knowledge to make the best decisions.

      IS that good enough?

    • yes, now that's an answer thank you lol :)

  • That's freaking creepy. 24 years? 10 years is pushing it.

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  • thats to much of a age gap. My age gap is 10 years and I;m 28

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  • If you are both happy right now why not enjoy it. If you are looking for something more long term however (not everyone is) you should move on.

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  • i would say go 4him cause 2me age is just a number and as long as you both get along and respect and are honest and loyal to each other its all good... ps I'm lookin 4 a younger girl 2get 2no as friends and then watever else happens I guess happens

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  • The biggest problem I see is you being able to have some power in the relationship. If you fall into a relationship dynamic where he's your parent, you won't receive the respect you need to feel empowered.

    I say this because I've been in a relationship with about a 20 year difference. I made a conscious effort to make sure I was empowering my partner to challenge me and excel in things where she'd surpass my skill level. (These were also technical skills that were pertinent to my work, so she could eventuially feel that she was a critical part of my career.)

    Another worry I had was that I was going to slow down well before she did. It was my plan that I would be setting aside enough extra money for her so she could fulfill a couple of her travel dreams later in her life (without me). I was going to have her set aside the money in her own IRA, so she knew that it was always going to be just for her.

    (My relationship ultimately failed for other reasons, not for what I warned against here.)

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  • you are his new toy, he will get bored of you, or have a heart atack "lucky bastard", hell I'm jealous and I'm only 29

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What Girls Said 4

  • He could be your father,your closer in age to his daughter...and imagine, IF you did end up marrying him he would be 84 when your 60...you would most likely still be active while he was in an old folks home...you would be a very lonely woman...but if he really makes you happy that should not matter...but the fact that you are questioning it now makes me think you will most likely regret it in the long run

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  • I'm 19 and I thought I was dating an older guy. My boyfriend is 25. A lot of people aren't going to like that at all and are going to think the dude is a petefile. If you truly believe he is a pure hearted person and you are his one and only...then I kinda don't see why not. People will stare, judge, and think it's messed up...but as long as you think what you have is real. Besides, my one friend actually dated a guy that was 40...she was like 17 at the time. I don't know if they're still together though...or if he had kids. Hope this helps! (:

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  • what I ve learnt from "old daddies", that they always use those words "he has no problem with the age difference at all" and of course why he should? But don't expect something serious from him... its a game for you both, he likes younger girls, and 4 you its like an adventures...its a game and it leads to nowhere.

    Just imagine, even if you both get marry, you will want the children in a few years, but I doubt very much that will want it, as he already has a grown one

    i am 22 and my 2 ex boyfriends were much older. One was 41 (when I was 19) and second was 38, when I was 20...

    My 1st man also was 41, when I was only 17...

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  • I can't speak for every situation because there may be cases in which a 44 year old man and a 19 year old girl are perfect for each other. I can say though, that in most cases, you aren't right for each other. You are worlds apart. There are only 2 things that a 44 year old man has in common with a teenager. 1) He's her father or 2) He likes hot, young bodies...and she has one.

    Outside of that, it's rare that a guy his age sees you as his soulmate. He's just very attracted to you physically. He also has so much life experience on you, that it will be easy for him to take advantage of the situation. You will probably get hurt by the end of this.

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    • You don't have to have a supermodels body. You are still way younger and more attractive than any woman he could get at his age. Just about any 19 year old out there would be a step up from a 40 something woman.

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