Okay here's the deal. I met this guy on Facebook through another one of my friends. He's white, & I'm black. We exchanged numbers & at first I didn't really care for him as far as dating goes but I decided to give him a chance. We're still not dating though & haven't even seen each other in person yet. We've only seen pictures of each other.
The problem is that while I can tell that he likes me, he keeps bringing up race as if it matters. We tend to talk on the phone late at night & if he's tired, so he says, he gets very sarcastic, but I think he's just like that in general. He keeps making jokes about how he's not racist because he voted for Obama (or so he says "the black guy") & other stuff like, i.e. "My doctor is black. See? I'm not racist!" (he didn't say that one, it's just an example), when I never asked him anything like that.
Last night, he had been drinking & told me to call him, so I did. He told me while on the phone, he asked me when we were gonna hang out, & that I can choose wherever we go. I said that we might could go bowling, I don't care. Then he asked what bowling alley. I said I don't care, but I live in the inner-city & I know how it can some places here, so I said probably somewhere out in the suburbs. Then he basically goes on & on for the rest of the phone conversation asking me if racist black guys are gonna come up & say something negative to him or us, & kept stating that if they did, he would beat them up or shoot them. I think he was overexaggerating since he WAS drunk at the time but even when he's sober, he'll occasionally bring up being worried about black guys attacking him or us.
It makes me feel a little uncomfortable because I like white guys & I'm not racist, but I know other people are & some people have a problem with interracial dating, but I'm aware of that & I don't make it a big deal. He claims he never really hangs around black people & never really talked to a black girl dating-wise before, but he always feels the need to prove something to me, when he doesn't. & then he seems SO worried about "black guys" coming to attack us, yet I know that both black & white males & females could make insulting comments, but I'm still not worried & I really don't care.
Should I take offense to this? It seems weird. I don't know if I really want to meet & hang out with him.
Most Helpful Girl
So it sounds to me like he likes you, but is not mature enough to handle an interracial relationship. It's understandable; if his interactions with people outside his race are limited, the idea of having an interracial relationship can seem a bit daunting. Personally, I don't know if I'd have the patience to be someone's teacher, but if you really like this guy, you're going to have to be much better at communication. Tell him that his comments are hurtful, and try and prepare him for the difficulties of this kind of relationship. If he's committed to you, then you guys can work through it. But if he's going to constantly have some kind of inferiority complex and think that black guys will come beat him up or something, the prospects don't look great. Sometimes it's better to just leave well enough alone, even if you really like each other. But just talk openly and honestly to each other and determine if you're ready for that kind of responsibility.2