Is he really gay?

My best friend came out to me in April. He dated a guy for a couple of months and then they broke up before July. In September, we both had a little too much to drink, and we hooked up. I've made out with my gay friends before, but this was nothing like that. While we were kissing, he stopped and said, "You make this so hard for me." I wasn't sure what he meant by that so I asked and he said "Being gay, you make it hard for me." After that night, he ignored me for a week until I cornered him and talked to him about it, saying things shouldn't have to be awkward with us since we're best friends. (And since he's gay).

There was one night a month after the first time where I slept in his dorm room. I could tell that he wanted it to happen again. The next day he told my friend that he was a good boy, and didn't do anything with me. He brings up the night that we made out often. And he says that he thinks about it a lot.

Last weekend at a party, we made out again.

Everyone at school thinks we're dating because we're ALWAYS together. We get along so well, and I'm starting to like him because he just acts SO straight. I don't know what to do! Should I talk to him? I don't want to ruin our friendship though.

I'm so confused, if anyone has any advice or anything, please help!

Updates:
*And if it makes any difference at all, he's a virigin with both guys and girls.
My friend & I have gotten even closer. We hang out with each other 24/7. Everyone thinks we're dating. He has kissed maybe 2 guys since last fall. This weekend while we were away, we were in the hottub & ended up hooking up. Thoughts?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • if I were you (being a girl in that kind of situation), I would talk 2 him, don't necesarily tell him just like that, try and drop little hints that you 2 need 2 talk and. for all you know, he might have the same feelings towards you, as you have towards him. It sounds a bit typical but it really works. I went on this music course over the summer and I met this guy who admitted he was gay from the first time I saw him, I had a few feelings for him and I didn't want anyone to know so I kept it to myself. If I could go back, I would tell him how I felt, as he did. On the last night, we all stayed up until about 4 in the morning talking and we were the last ones to go to sleep. When we were the only ones awake, he told me that he didn't think he was gay and that he just needed to meet me and he would never have been gay in the first place, we're both better friends than I'v been with anyone and we both know how he feels towards me. And, if he doesn't specifically answer your hint-y questions, the answers he gives, will show you how much you mean to him and if nothing, it will make your friendship stronger.

    Hope my advice is useful and good luck with it all x

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What Guys Said 5

  • I got married at 23 to a woman I went to high school with and loved her very much. I came out about 3 years after being married to her and have been living as a gay man for about 20 years now. If I have learned one thing - its that labels will get me into trouble every time. With labels come some kind of judgment of good or bad and that can never be a good thing. I think that Americans place far too much emphasis on labels. Love is love and you don't get to choose who you fall in love with. I have loved both men & women in my life and what I am most grateful for is that at age 48, I don't focus on labels of gay, bi or straight. I focus on who a person is, their character and the innate integrity of who they are. I have to ask myself the question, "Do I love the person or do I love who I think they are by some standard of labeling?" Don't think about it too much - reflect on what you feel and let that be your guide. Your head (your thoughts) can steer you wrong but your gut won't ever. Good luck!

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  • You know where he is coming from, and you can see that he is interested. It is really up to you to decide if you want to put any time or effort into a relationship that may not go anywhere if he really is gay.

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  • wow well I think that he is bi

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  • Probably Bi, but he finds you to be someone he can be straight for

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  • Give him all the poon he can handle and he won't want to go gay ever again!

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What Girls Said 4

  • I think he may be bisexual. For some reason he seems to be afraid of his feelings for you. I think he's still figuring out what he really is. I knew some girls that went through a high school phase of being lesbians. Some of them stayed lesbians while others actually got married and had kids. The lines of straight and gay have become blurred nowadays. It's nothing to be ashamed of it's just how it is nowadays.

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  • It's possible he's bisexual, but this is the kind of thing you should talk to him about. And be careful.I don't mean to be rude, but there are more STDs in the gay community than in the straight community (of course, there are STDs in both, but anal sex tends to create more bacteria, hence why there are more diseases in the gay community!) Anyway, if that's not an issue for you, feel free to talk to him. But if he is really gay, he could end up leaving you years down the road for a man. I really do suggest you go find yourself a guy who you know is straight.

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  • he might be bi

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  • he is mostly Bi/Bi courious

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