Girls, is it a big turn off for you to even hang out with polite/nice guys?

i've heard from so called pick up artists that girls aren't at all interested in nice guys Because it sounds "wussy". what do you ladies think and what kind of guys are you attracted to?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Why are you listening to pick up artists? Pick up artists are guys who haven't grown out of their frat-boy days or puberty and think that the epitome of being a man is to sleep and hurt as many women as possible. If you ask any woman if she wants a man like THAT she'll say no because that's just pathetic and disgusting. So their opinion on what's "wussy" is HARDLY of any consequence.

    A REAL "nice guy" doesn't scream "nice guy," he screams "awesome guy." Guys who scream "nice guy" are often guys who are not a*sholes like the pick up artists but are doing just as much wrong social relation-wise and thus driving women's interest away. They don't want to face that they have some work to do on themselves and wonder why "women hate nice guys" (ps, they don't). The same is true for women, I fully admit it's a two-way street.

    I believe a REAL "nice guy" is a guy who is polite, sincere, engaging, mature and with it, well raised, respectful, has a good sense of humor but doesn't text me 24/7, doesn't rush into everything too eagerly and doesn't suffocate me. He has a life of his own and acts like an adult which means he doesn't play childish head games and NEVER makes me feel used, like just a toy or otherwise mistreated. Those types of "nice guys" are GOLD and it's too bad that they seem too be either hiding, taken or we end up too damaged by the a*sholes to notice them by the time we get around to it. A REAL nice guy makes you realize how many a*sholes you've met in the past and didn't even recognize as such.

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What Girls Said 15

  • If by nice guy, you mean a guy who agrees with everything I say, is afraid of disagreeing with me, let's people walk all over him instead of setting reasonable limits and appears to have no life outside of wanting to get with me, then yes, I am turned off by that.

    In reading posts on here I have seen that many times what a "nice" guy defines as nice behavior is not. It is the behavior of a guy who lets people treat him poorly. Example: If you call a girl and she does not take your call, then you text her and she doesn't respond, so you text her again the next day because you think she did not see the first one, that is not nice, that is wimpy. If a girl cancels a date on you at the last minute and gives no reason, and you still try to call her for another date, that is not nice, that is being a doormat.

    So, yes, I love a polite kind man. I could never date a guy who lets others treat him poorly though. That is a turn-off.

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    • tisk, I actually answered a question on here awhile ago about the fact that "Nice guy" has different definitions for women and guys get confused by the fact that women say they want a nice guy but when they find one, they aren't. Because the nice guy they are trying to be is "wussy" like you describe it and the "nice guy" who you want is the sweet guy who says and does the right things to turn you on

  • No. Polite/nice guys are a turn on. Spineless, insecure, boring, pushovers are a turn off. Guys don't seem to get that part, or don't want to get it, I'm not sure.

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    • And even girls that can be bitchy to me when I first meet them, I stay polite and smile and then they usually feel bad about it, and although some might not be interested, some become interested after feeling guilty about being mean to me, girls are meanies, but I love them anyways

    • That's perfect, exactly how should handle it. I know guys think that they're being more of a pushover by continuing to be polite when a girl is mean, but it actually shows quite a bit of maturity and power. You don't have to continue talking with a mean girl of course, but by handling yourself politely and with charm despite her rudeness, it shows more control than getting angry and storming off.

  • Nah. Every guy I've ever dated I would consider a "nice guy" to one degree or another, and my best male friends are "nice". The worst kind of guy, in my opinion, is the kind who would call another guy "wussy" for trying to be a decent person.

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  • I love nice guys... They are extremely hard fir me to find however. But they have to be a littlespontaneous and fun :)

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  • no, I happen to find it a turn on. guys would always be jerks to me in middle school so when I finally did meet a nice guy I automatically fell for him. and jerks always make my skin crawl. I never understood how some girls could like them, but then again when I see someone I know dating one its always a girl with some personal issues :P so really you shouldn't worry about it

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  • Absolutely not., I was hanging out with a friend of mine and when we the day ended he was a real gentleman and walked me to my door and everything, it totally made my heart melt hahah. But he was just a friend and I wouldn't date him. Had it been another guy I would have concidered it majorly.

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  • We like nice guys. We don't like doormats. There's a difference.

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    • Yea, I don't know what the hell the confusion is, the reasoning is so simple, I wish I could tell the male population that nice doesn't equal door mat, door mat equals approval seeking and behavior that can be seen as "manipulative" unwittingly

    • because you can't respect a guy who kisses your ass, like ferris bueller says.

  • I love polite/nice guys, it's actually quite a turn on for me to hear a guy being well mannered just by saying thank you for e.g, matched with a man in a suit/uniform.

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  • i do like nice guys.

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  • There is someone for everyone eventually. I do not like wimpy guys. I like big, tough, strong and assertive guys that are not afraid to open their mouths. I do not like geeky, wimpy, quiet and shy guys that whine all the time like babies.

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  • That's not true at all. Girls hang out with and date nice guys all the time. If you are really insecure or something like that, then no probably wouldn't date you. You actually have to do something worthwhile to get a girl.

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  • No not at all. I think it's gentlemen like and I plan on marrying someone like that. I think what they mean is that most girls like a guy with a "bad" side, just as most guys don't want a girl who's a goodie-goodie. They want her to be a little sexy badass sometimes. Haha. Sounds silly but it's true for most of us. Do you know who Tim Tebow is? Ya' know, the rookie quarterback for the Broncos last year that claims to be a virgin? He's like THE nicest sweetest guy, I don't see a "bad" side to him, but I would date/marry him in a heartbeat because I know he'd be a great husband and father and companion for the rest of my life. And no I'm not all creepy obsessed with him, I just really admire the way he is and how he stays true to himself among so many men that probably tease him every day for the way he is. But you know he'll find an amazing wife someday and have a great wife. It'll be all the "bad" guys that are jealous of him after their gold digger wives divorce them in a few years. So stay true to yourself, that's really important. If you're a nice guy then don't let some idiots try to make them just like themselves. There will be a girl someday that sees how you stand out and will want to be with you. Trust me, there's a lot of girls out there that only want guys like you. So don't change for the majority of whores about there! lol, there's a lot of down to earth fun girls out there ok? I wish you luck :)

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    • The kid's right, the world ain't worth changing for man. People are a rotten bunch in this day and agae. Be yourself and don't let anyone get in the way of it. Shakespeare said it best, above all else to thine ownself be true

  • No. but be exciting and fun though

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  • Have a personality. Usually when the first adjective used to describe a man is "nice", that means he either doesn't have much of a personality or comes off mousy and wimpish. It's not that you shouldn't be a pleasant or polite person, but be yourself. I want to get to know the real you so relax and don't be so awkward. Sometimes "nice" people are so focused on trying to gain your approval and get you to like them, that they aren't being themselves. Don't overcompensate for any insecurities by trying hard to be nice. THAT'S what's unattractive to women and why a lot of us aren't interested in nice guys. It comes across as boring because we don't really connect with you, we're meeting your "nice" persona, but at the end of the day I can't say I really know you. When I go on job interviews I'm nice, when I talk to old people I'm nice, but in male/female connections it should be different.

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  • I'm attracted to a nice guy but I find he is boring. It could be the issues he is going through so everyone is different. For me I find I want more excitement in my life and he doesn't give me that.

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    • Based on your answer...you make it sound like you leech on a guy to excite your life.

      You need to make YOUR OWN LIFE exciting. Relying on a guy to make your life exciting, frankly, is being needy & selfish.

    • Eventually a nice guy is who you will end up marrying, even though you won't get the excitement in your life you crave, living a comfortable normal life will be enough for you to feel coozy inside knowing a nice guy will take care of you, you might feel like divorcing him for Fonzy on a motorcycle, but you won't because you'll be more mature by then, eventually you will be in love after several years and will have kids that will be on this dating site just like you saying the same thing

What Guys Said 5

  • Dude, don't listen to PICK UP ARTISTS, they give you the WORST ADVICE EVER. reason I know this is because I signed up for a mailing list just to see what all the hype was. The weekly email tips with ads for their "easy payment offer, buy now get this dvd free" bullsh*t was the worst load of crap and I just removed myself from the mailing list after 3 weeks.

    They tell you that you need to be cocky and funny, then they give you examples like going up to a girl with a brown dress and being like "hey you look nice in a brown dress, but are you trying to look like a fudge brownie?" just made that up...

    the basis behind their tips is being "teasing" compliments followed by insults or some sh*t like that, and although it works when you already KNOW the girl, it doesn't work on random girls you don't know and you just come across as a jerk.

    You have to be RESPECTFUL and really nice and polite when you meet the girl the first time and just be f***ing normal, don't talk about yourself endlessly and keep some mystery. Then when you get to know the girl a little you can flirt. that's the best advice

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  • Women are not looking for a nice guy alone. Most women are looking for the complete package in a man. The list of requirements are as follows: tall, handsome, wealthy, athletic, race-specific, nice guy to her but a jerk to other men, and obedient. He must be strong and assertive in public but a p**** cat to her at home. He must be ready to protect her when needed(without the body armor) but also back down when she is in charge. It takes a lot to gain the POSITIVE interests in a woman, even just to hang out.

    Is this too much to ask for? Not at all. It's called women having expectations. Don't complain or you will be thought of as a wimp loser with no confidence and personality.

    Is there any hope? Sure: Canadian sex workers! They don't care as long as you are paying their rent!

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    • you sound just like Pickup Artists, you should consider coming out with your own website "NINJA JEDI SECRETS OF THE FEMALE MIND, LEARN TO HACK INTO HER BRAIN AND DOWNLOAD HINTS IN HER MIND THAT YOU ARE AN ALPHA MALE, ONLY 19.99 ORDER NOW GET 10 PERCENT OFF AND GIFT CARD TO STARBUCKS, 5 DOLLAR VALUE"

  • If you're a guy who's putting yourself on the market and looking for a girl to be your actual girlfriend, not just someone to sleep with, then the worst thing you can do is follow the advice of pick up artists. Different goals mean different targets, and different methods are needed.

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  • I know a fella who is very sheepish, have shy mannerism, often stuttering, fidgeting a lot and all around has "nice guy" written all over him. But, looking slightly under the surface he is very cunning, vindictive, and cruel. The guy just doesn't have the gut to boldly express his disdain to others; in other words, he is a gutless bad boy or cowardly ass-hole. In the often misleading popular culture, this specimen is termed "the nice guy", but not so!

    I found out that the true nice guy, in popular culture speak, is "a gentleman"; a man with integrity, high moral values, is kind to others (not just towards attractive women) and has an an overall maturity about him. If that's your definition of nice guy, then it is a no brainer that women will fall for him instead of the immature, never-grow-up bad boy ( with the emphasis on the word "boy")

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  • That whole PUA movement is horrible. I've ruined it with girls before by listening to them.

    Just be yourself. They'll eventually find out who you are anyway.

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