Was I just the rebound girl?

Hello all, this is my first time doing something like this so bear with me if I miss important details or whatever I need to get a full answer...

OK background, I dated this guy 17yrs ago and we got together again recently. He'd split with his long term partner about 6/7wks previously (it was commonly known he'd been trying to get out of the relationship for about a year before he actually did). We had a one night thing that developed and were dating for about 4months and during these 4months things were AMAZING. We really were so into one another, all his friends said they hadn't seen him so happy, he told me I was the best thing that had happened to him and also told me he loved me. Was very caring throughout and so kind, gentle and good to me. Then for about 2wks he seemed slightly distant but when I asked him he reassured me Id nothing to worry about, I was the one for him etc. We then had a big fight when drunk, I don't remember much but I guess it was a build up of my insecurity that something wasn't right between us. Anyway after the row he wouldn't speak to me phone or text but then text saying when I'm ready to talk I'll let you know, 3 days later I heard nothing so I text as I needed to get my car key and that really has been it. I bumped into him again in pub and tried to speak to him and he told me to go away and I meant nothing and I have since heard that he is now seeing someone else. Have I just been the rebound girl? I'm not stupid I know what I've just wrote looks like but I can't get out of my head the man that was so in love (or portrayed) with me. Its like two different people and is he just a b@stard or is this a game. I really don't know and would like some feedback. thanks...


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's hard to know exactly what's going on but we have a few facts here that seem undeniable.

    1) He obviously is able to move in and out of "close" relationships very quickly

    2) His feelings appear to be very volatile

    3) He doesn't seem to feel much concern for respecting the feelings of the other person when things are concerning them or an obligation to communicate openly.

    This sounds like a dangerous mix emotionally. So the question is do you really want to be with someone like that? It sounds like you would agree you don't. What you are really asking seems to be "How can someone just change like that?" Well some people actually do have multiple personalities. But with most people it's more subtle than that. They have various parts of themselves that conflict to one degree or another. And this person sounds like his various parts are in some major conflict. So he can be ruled by certain parts and fall deeply in "love" and then the other parts come raging to the surface and push him out of "love". And worst of all, he doesn't seem to recognize this happening and take responsibility for it.

    He doesn't sound like a very emotionally intelligent or conscious person. And it's sad that you (and apparently some others) are bearing the scars of that. But at least you weren't with him for years before you saw what seem to be his true colors.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Yes, you sound like a rebound girl. People are sometimes more honest about their feelings when drunk.

    Why not have an affair with a married man, where you know better than to make plans!

    I'm available.

  • Sorry for your troubles. All men are not this callous and cruel. I believe you may have been a rebound or he has some mental issues. Either way you should never take him back in the future. Take care and try not to let your heart lead the way all the time.


What Girls Said 1

  • Sounds familiar. Men are apt to fall in and out of infatuation more readily than women. They want it to be difficult to get the girl. I learned that just following your emotions is not the healthiest thing to do. This all being said, don't let him break you down. His action via non-action to you near the end without an explanation was poor form on his part. He was a coward to ignore you than to let you know how his feels about you now. Most men are not good in this department.