Girls: Is there any dating advice that you can give a loser like me?

Okay, I might sound like a "creepy nerd", but if so then be honest and tell me.

I'm 27 years old. I never had a girlfriend before. I have had sex one time, and the girl liked me but I didn't like her. After we had sex, I freaked. Looking back on it, I kind of wish that I didn't do it.

Anyways, I have dated before for a brief period of time in college.

Fast-forward, haven't dated in a long while. I don't have have well-developed interpersonal skills, and I don't think that I'm very good-looking. I did used to have my picture on "HotOrNot" before and ranked 7 out of 10, but if I was naked and compared to any random 9 other naked guys then I would probably rank on the low end (to be honest).

That would be because I'm not too athletic and normally don't like playing sports.

Anyways, my positive attributes would be that I hold a bachelor's degree, work in the software development field, and that might be it. I think my car looks nice, but I don't know if that counts.

Also, I'm pretty filthy. How much of a problem is that? Is it something that I need to fix right away or can just put off till much later in my life?

I'm not sure how unattractive a messy apartment is for most women.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's not that hard to do some moderate exercise and clean your apartment, bro. You don't have to do a sport to find an exercise you like: there is yoga, pilates, running, weight lifting, martial arts ... pretty much everything under the sun. Cleaning tips: do it right away. Put something back where you got it when you're done, rinse your dishes after you eat, if you drag in dirt, sweep it up. That keeps the mess from getting too large. Start chit-chatting with cashiers, bank tellers, waitresses, etc. That will help you break out of your shell. Read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" -- and oldie but goodie. Make sure that your sloppiness doesn't affect your style -- iron clothes, wear stuff that fits, get regular haircuts. Don't be the dude who wants to sit at home eating McBurgers while playing WOW for 12 hours. Hit up some events in town.

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    • Actually, I'm sometimes good at chit-chatting with women - depending on the circumstances.

      I think that I don't know how to monitor my body language, but certain times in my life I am more approachable with women. That's how I managed to date before in the first place.

      At my last job, I was staying with family. I don't think that I came off as being socially awkward to anyone at work or with complete strangers. Maybe people at work thought I was rude, but I think that was it.

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    • Just keep on keepin on. Change is hard. Try to do little things at least every week that get yourself back in your groove :)

    • I didn't realize that you responded to my first comment. The first two were meant to be one long response that couldn't fit inside of a comment's space.

      Right, but I can just work through my behavior problems - they're not something that I can't control at all anyways.

      I guess that this goes with your first bit of advice - exercise. If I exercise, I can feel better about myself then I wouldn't have to try so hard in controlling my behavior around other people in general.

What Girls Said 1

  • Okay it seems like you are Down on yourself. First of all I would start exercising! It would help you feel more confidant with your body and it would make you feel good about yourself because you're taking care of yourself. Exercise is good for you mentally and physically. And you're since you're single I wouldn't worry about cleaning. When you meet the right girl you'll start cleaning haha. But for real you don't have to be into sports to exercise. You just have to be motivated. I really think that would solve 80% of your problems. And also just liking yourself! How do you expect somebody else to love you if you can't love yourself?

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    • You're right. I need to become more like my dad, or any of the selfish ass holes who've put me down my whole life. They're full of themselves and women give them everything.

      If I was a selfish prick, I bet I'd have a woman who would do everything for me too!

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    • So, let me recap your advice:

      1) Exercise

      2) Hold off cleaning until I think that "the right girl" will likely be coming to my apartment any time soon (makes sense)

      3) Be motivated - does this really refer to the exercise part or to just getting a girlfriend in general?

      4) Love myself

      Lol. I think that I already follow #4. I'm not sure what it is that people mean when they tell someone to "love [themselves]", because I think most people tend to do this by default.

    • Unless there's something there that I'm missing.

What Guys Said 1

  • DON'T CALL YOURSELF A LOSER

    That's the f***ing problem in the first place man.

    You have a bachelor's degree, you're in the top 25 % of the whole U.S.A

    You work in a software company during a time unemployment is high

    And most like you don't have a lemon vehicle

    And you got a 7 out of 10 which is above average

    There's nothing wrong about you except your attitude. If you are filthy I suggest the following

    Go to sleep early on Saturday night

    Wake up early and go to Walmart and buy the following

    -Pinesol, 409, Wood Polish, Carpet Deo, Plug In Air Freshener, wipes and paper towels

    Spend all of Sunway cleaning.

    Spend the whole day cleaning, then hit up TJ Max, or IKEA, and buy some decoration pieces for around your crib, buy some classy candle holders and candles and invest in some new electronics, and get some nice lights too, like a classy standing light and some black lights and toss around some bean bags, subscribe to some cool magazines like Esquire, or Time or National Geographic so you can toss them around your living room table, keep your frig stocked with liquor and some good microwaveable food. Keep your closet stocked with board games, and your entertainment room full of movies. Then, go out and join a fitness yoga club, or spend some evenings at a book store, meet lots of chicks and go with the mentality that most will be your friends, but the more women in your life, the higher the chances of getting a girl. then, if your bachelor pad is decked out like I describe above, it makes it enjoyable for girls to come over, and then you know what happens afterward if you play your cards right

    now stop whining

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    • You're right. I kind of had a feeling that I was being a "baby". There are a lot of things that I have to be thankful for, and have more pride in myself than to call myself a loser.

      Yeah, but thanks for your advice. I think that I will take your advice for my "bachelor pad". By the way, do I just try to start strike up conversations with girls in the bookstore? I mean, what kind of girls normally go to the bookstore anyways.

    • Don't rehearse anything, just talk to women, you will get rejected a lot but you will learn from your mistakes and learn what works. Don't feel bad, that is part of the game. Everyone gets rejected.

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