I'm 21 & never had a boyfriend. I've only been on dates with 2 different guys... The first one was a player and stole my virginity & it was a horrible experience :( and I only went out with the 2nd guy once, I don't think we really clicked much. I'm not good at dating... I'm too shy, I don't even try to find guys to date, I only go on dates if someone asks me... But that's rare because I don't go out very often. I feel like I will be alone all my life :( I just want a companion & someone special in my life. But I know no guy will last long with me because I won't have sex with them (I've learnt my lesson from being used by that guy & I hate sex because of him) maybe I'll have sex after a few years of dating or when I'm married though. What do you suggest I do?
Most Helpful Guy
Okay, first please stop thinking that the genital warts was a punishment for sex. That's not how it works, and indicates a slightly perverse, somewhat puritanical view of sex that isn't healthy.
The second thing I'd say is, at 21 you're not alone. There's plenty of 21 year old virgins out there, and 21 year olds who never even kissed someone. There's also 21 year old gay people trapped in a closet of their own fear, living in small homophobic towns. 21 is young.
And I'd say to all of them and all of you, life is just beginning for you. You have no idea where you're going to be in 5 years. Or even who you'll be. But the future requires some assembly, and if you've got the free time now because you're not dating, then spend that time crafting the person you want to be.
If you're fat, lose weight, hit the gym, become fit. If you're shy, work on your confidence and people skills. That sort of thing. Become the person you always wanted to be.
You say you don't find guys to date. That's fine, lots of girls refuse to chase guys. You also say guys have asked you out. That's great! It means that, no matter what your self confidence might be feeling right now, you're clearly not some hideous troll who has to live forever in darkness. Guys like you and find you attractive, even if you don't feel like dating too many of them.
For now, I would say you should try to widen your social circle. Make friends with girls, and throw a few guys in there too. They don't have to be dateable guys or anything. But just having a few guy friends will allow you to see that not all guys are sex-chasing a**holes at least.
No one is forcing you to date right now, or to have sex in the near future. I would *hope* that time being a great healer, you'll eventually change your mind on some things, but for right now, it just seems like you're feeling very alone. And friends are the solution to that particular problem.
I'd suggest joining a few clubs, to meet new people. If money is tight or there's no clubs which interest you in your area, you can find online clubs that don't have members dues usually meeting near any college campus. They can run the gamut from writers workshops, to salsa lessons, and hill walking, all priced at levels to fit a students non-existent budget.
I've had some experience with bringing shy/quiet or depressed individuals out of their shells, so if you'd like some in-depth one on one time, feel free to message me directly. But if you would prefer not to deal with guys at all (after all, I am a guy) then I'm sure there's plenty of friendly girls on this site who can both sympathise and socialise.
It's a global community now, you know. There's no need for anyone with internet access to feel alone these days.1