How do I start dating after a breakup when I still miss my ex?

I was doing okay alone. I feel a bit lonely sometimes, and tried to go out with new people and give them a chance but there's no attraction. I feel like if I try to date people, I will just be empty to them, I can't give them any love, because I don't know anyone as good as my ex, or anyone who I was as close to. We basically lived together because I saw him everyday and now he's dating someone new so its very painful. I want to be in a relationship too, and he wants me to be happy, but how we broke up was more by pain and exhaustion than that we ended it because we didn't have the energy to be our best to each other anymore and he tried and thought he failed and I tried and thought I failed. He got really easily agitated or annoyed and I got really depressed. I feel like I've only been having 2 types of guys around me since then :guys who are nice to me who I have no attraction to, guys who I'm attracted to and get along with who are taken or otherwise unavailable. I feel really lonely if I continue to cave myself in and lingering on my ex and not being open to new things but I've been double burned. I liked this friend of mine and he said he liked me too and we got along well and hang around a lot, but then he had sex with me and it wasn't because he wanted to be with me, he just wanted sex. He told me that later, not before. I feel kind of betrayed by everyone, including my ex who was still talking about making things work and then a few weeks later he was sleeping at some girls place already. Like I don't know who to trust anymore. I can't sleep with my friend anymore even tho I'm lonely and want to just feel close to someone, because he doesn't care about me that way and I lost the person who did care about me and loved me the way I wanted. I feel sad my friend was using me because he wanted to have sex and saying he likes me and later explaining and excusing himself that he meant like a friend and he was drunk. I really hate all this, I'm super depressed and can't live like this and don't feel like I'd be a good girlfriend to anyone atm, don't feel like anyone could love me that I love back. Its not negative thinking its just the pain from the breakup. I feel betrayed and its so hard to find someone who suits, because its about lifestyle, and getting along, and attraction, its hard to have all those things togethers close to. We basically lived together because I saw him everyday and now he's dating someone new so its very painful. I want to be in a relationship too, and he wants me to be happy, but how we broke up was more by pain and exhaustion than that we ended it because we didn't have the energy to be our best to each other anymore and he tried and thought he failed and I tried and thought I failed. He got really easily agitated or annoyed and I got really depressed. I feel like I've only been having 2 types of guys around me since then :guys who are nice to me who I have no attraction to, guys who I'm attracted to and get along with who are taken or

  • Start dating right away
    25% (1)0% (0)17% (1)Vote
  • Wait a few weeks
    0% (0)0% (0)0% (0)Vote
  • Wait a few months
    25% (1)50% (1)33% (2)Vote
  • Only try to date when I'm totally over the past
    0% (0)50% (1)17% (1)Vote
  • The right person will come along, I'll take opportunities as they come but I'm not actively looking
    50% (2)0% (0)33% (2)Vote
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Most Helpful Guy

  • whoever voted start dating right away is retarded.

    Don't date until you're fully over it. Or enough where you know you really love whoever you end up with after. It's not fair to the guys to date them and jump from one after another. Work on yourself. Focus on school/work/whatever. Focus on a hobby. Find something about yourself you want to improve and work on it. Don't just find someone new right away to "avoid the pain" or something.

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    • yea, I'm not sure if they are retarded, some people respond like that. my ex did :( it really hurt. Didn't like to think we didn't mean anything. I don't think that was his intention, he was running away from a lot of pain. but its terrible now to see he's still in pain, I don't know how he manages himself.

      Anyway lucky I'm over my exes now. There's 2 key points: 1) they are not right for me 2) they do not have the ability to love me right now, or maybe forever.

    • Show All
    • And trying to date right away to hide the pain is even worse :\

    • he has said some really douchy stuff before. and that's exactly why I can move on. Can't imagine who in their right mind says "I can't see a future together", and some months later " well I didn't mean that, you know people say bad things when they are stressed" or " I'm feeling tense" he had a lot of weird stuff. life is simplier and happier without him.

What Guys Said 2

  • Just do what most chicks do: use online dating a get guy after guy to ask you out to distract you for the evening, act like a b*tch, and never talk to them again. Men are here for your amusement dear.

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    • jessuus christ, who laced your breakfast cereal with angst? I don't think that's what most 'chicks' do. cmon anyone coming out of a long term relationship hurts. Actually my ex was the one dating right after we broke up, like within 2 months. I don't like hold it against him, but I do feel like he doesn't love me or hadn't loved me for a long time if he can do that, so there's no reason I shouldn't date other people if we are not in love anymore.

    • You're right. I was in a horrible rut when I wrote this. Sorry.

      And I've been in your shoes. I know it's frustrating.

  • My ex dumped me almost two months ago and hasn't talked to me since. I wonder if she feels like you do about your ex. She loved me (so she says, etc) but she moved on and began dating other people quite fast after our break up.. It leaves me f***ed inside. I don't ever feel loved, I don't feel appreciated or anything by her and what I did for her. Sure, I screwed up, but it was nothing major.. I miss her a ton. I hope that she thinks of, misses me and eventually will come back and want to talk...

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    • well I still talked to my ex after breaking up. actually tried to contact him often but he was more distant. he said he needed space. maybe your girlfriend is like that. well my ex said he loved me too, but once he also said 'but that was a long time ago' so really, I don't care now. he cares about me generally tho. yeah I think if you don't feel loved then you know you should be with someone else. that's why I was in so much pain, he didn't love me anymore. even tho we still stayed together for a long time.

What Girls Said 1

  • advice: Best way to get over one guy, is to get under another

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