Would you date someone who was in a polyamourist relationship?

My friend tried to set me up with this girl and we went out and just talked for a while and she told me she was in a polyamourist relationship. I told her she seemed really nice but I don't want to get involved in anything like. Now my friend who set me up with her is pissed at me and telling me I am just being to picky because I wouldn't date her.

I just want to know what other peoples views are on polyamourist relationships?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, my partner and I are poly and in an open relationship ourselves, so I wouldn't have a problem with dating someone who was in a poly relationship and seeing if anything came of it.

    That said, I don't think you're in the wrong to not want to get involved with this girl. Poly relationships aren't right for everyone. If you're only interested in monogamous relationships, then the right thing to do for both you AND the girl is to not get involved with her.

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    • Thank you. I just want to feel like she cares about me and I'm not just like another guy to her. I don't think I could ever try the poly relationship but my friend keeps telling me I'm being to picky because I didn't give it a try but I only ever had one relationship before and I don't want to be put in a postition where I have to do something I don't want.

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    • Thanks for all that. I do have a better understanding about it now but it still isn't for me and I know I would end up feeling bad if I started seeing her with another guy. I also have no interest in seeing more than one girl at a time. The concept sounds like it could be nice if both partys where open to it but its just not something I want to do.

    • Yeah, as I said, it's not for everyone and that's okay. :)

What Girls Said 7

  • An arrangement like that isn't for me. When I am in love with someone very very deeply, there is no way in hell I am sharing him with another female. I believe a commitment entails 2 people, not 3, 4, 5 or a whole band. In some respects I am a very traditional female. Moreover, it would be extremely difficult for me emotionally to see the guy I love physical with another female, her pregnant with his baby or her wearing a wedding ring from him. Maybe it appeals to some but quite honestly, I don't know how it doesn't bother the person.

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    • thats kind of how I feel but my friend is making me feel bad for not dating her.

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    • step off and get over it. If he persisted, then I may even be inclined to tell him where to go (and this place is not COLD).

    • thanks yeah I just think he is trying to help me but I ain't going to go out with someone I don't want to.

  • I wouldn't want to be in a polyamourist relationship either. If I really like the guy I'm with I wouldn't want to be involved with anyone but him. A polyamourist relationship sounds like another way of saying that the person is open with cheating. Your friend shouldn't be upset about it.

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  • I sure wish my Fiance was like you. Every 6 months or so we are almost at war because of the freaking sex sites and texts. So far no outright cheating but waiting on it. I think it's awesome that you feel you want to be with one love. Tell you the same thing I tell my Teenage son, stay that way. You will meet some females that will hurt you or like being "open" but don't let it ruin your perspective. You will eventually find a girl who will love only you. Just hope you have better luck than the rest of us.

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  • You're allowed to have preferences, don't let him make you feel bad or tell you that you discriminated against her or anything. Some guys are way pickier about girls than that :P

    I wouldn't want to "share" my boyfriend with anyone, I'm a hardcore monogamist. If I started dating someone who was *previously* in a polyamorous relationship but is now monogamous, I don't think I would have a problem with their past. But if they wanted me to be part of their current relationship, I couldn't do it.

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    • Yeah I wouldn't mind it if it was something they did in the past either but my friend is making me feel selfish because I want the girl to be in a relationship with just me.

    • Yeah, that's silly of him. There are plenty of girls out there who would be way more compatible with you.

  • no I wouldnt. I have been in a poly relationship before and I am not able to do it. I'm just far to jealous. but I wish I could do it. its an amazing concept :)

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  • No. I don't share and polyamourism just sounds like an excuse to be a ho

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  • If I didn't care about any of the guys maybe but then why would I be with them. I guess my answer is no.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I am poly and in an open-relationship of 4 years now. It works extremely well for us. We frequently get comments about "puppy love" or how "fresh" we are, only to be met with surprise when we tell them we've been together 4 years. There is so much to learn, excitement, exploration, passion, etc in a poly relationship that is so hard to maintain in a traditional relationship. I think this is really about trying it before you knock it. Saying you are too jealous of a person means that you need to work on your jealousy issues. That jealousy will exist whether you are poly or not, don't use it as an excuse. You need to try it before you say you are against it because I GUARANTEE even if it does not work for you (which is absolutely fine) you will learn more about yourself than a traditional relationship can possibly teach you. And for those who say being poly is an excuse to be a "ho," damn right! We are sexual, we are horny, we are lovers, and we are proud!

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  • Yes but only if she was one of my wives.

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