When does a person become too old to date? (Age gap wise)

I'm in my early twenties, and I really like this woman that is in her mid to late thirties. There's about a 15 year gap between us. I personally don't have a problem with it, but a lot of my friends are saying that I shouldn't even give it a try. The thing that annoys me though, is that none of them can give me a reason as to why. So I just wanted to ask others out there that are intelligent enough to form an opinion that makes sense, that can back it up with a reason other than "she's old" what their stance is on the age gap situation is. Thanks everyone :D

Updates:
thanks everyone for your input. and just to be clear, my friends opinions don't affect my decisions and I wasn't really asking anyone wether or not I should go for it, because I'm gng to anyway, I was just asking what other people thought and why. but thanks for all the responses and motivation and ill keep you guys updated :D


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It shouldn't matter that much. I could see if you were like 15 and she was 24. Mentally you are no where near each other. But you are an adult now, so you are mature. If you feel you two have some things in common and want to pursue her, why not? Your friends are naive. So what if you are dating an older woman? If she makes you happy, go for it! :D

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What Girls Said 19

  • Actually, I'd advise HER not to pursue you. Nothing against you personally, but when going for someone younger, you're getting into all the immaturity that surrounds that age group. Yes, everyone is different, but generally, ANYONE in their early 20s will not be up there with someone in their 30s as far as being emotionally and psychologically developed. I'm only 28 but I am NOT the same person I was at 21-23. You definitely change a lot through your early to mid 20s.

    I never thought much of this stuff until I experienced it myself. I've been with younger guys (though it was 4-5 years gap max) and they are not joking when they say that people are still developing til they're 25. SO much bs and drama because these little boys thought they knew what they wanted, but they really didn't. Why? They're still figuring their stuff out and think they know what they want. The reality is that a lot of people in this age group have no idea what they really want and are still figuring things out. That said, this stage of life conflicting with another stage (she being beyond that) may cause a little bit of a rift.

    Overall, if you want to, it's all on you. However, the issues that may arise because of such a gap is something you should really think about. From her perspective, she may not even be interested. But it really does vary based on the individuals. Personally, I couldn't date someone that much older, and being the "older" woman in the past few relationships I've had, I saw the problems that arose because of the guys being in their early 20s. I think the early 20s is a bit worse than teenage years sometimes, honestly.

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    • couldnt agree with you more lol. but I gotta take a chance. and just from what I've experienced, people are always changing what they want at any age, that's why people get divorced in their 70's... anyways I feel I should explain that the only reason I feel attached at all, is because we talk a lot over the phone and through txting, and we are very good friends so we connect at the same level of maturity. but thanks for a different take on the situation from her stand point :D

  • Ignore them, if you like her, go for it. If your friends give you a hard time. just remind that that women around that age are starting to really hit their sexual peak. "Cougars" don't have that reputation for nothing ;)

    I've learned to not let age be a deterrent. You could be missing out on wonderful people that way. I just turned 32, yet have recently spent some wonderful times with younger men (21-ish). My aunt met a man 20 years her senior. They've been together over 35 years, raised 3 wonderful children, and now are enjoying wonderful grandchildren. And they still love each other just as much as they did back then.

    So, whether you just want some fun, or a looking for a more invested relationship, keep your mind open. You may be pleasantly surprised with what you find. (and tell your friends that if they can't form a reasonable argument, supported by fact, then they just need to bugger off). :)

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    • ya, I'm definitely not looking for a physical relationship, imo, women that need that are f***ing crazy, and that's from past experiences with my ex relationships. I'm more interested in this woman for her positive outlook on things and we really just have a lot in common :D

      p.s. are you british?

    • i'm American, but I have friends from all over the world, and I pick up their sayings. Was it the "bugger" that you made ask that? lol I'm glad to see your response. you like her for her, that's what's important. I wish you the best of luck! :)

    • yes lol.and thanks

  • Fifteen years isn't that much. I'm attracted to older guys all the time. Give it a shot. Sure beats always asking "what if".

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  • I think that age gap is OK in your situation because you two are older. When you're younger age gaps are harder to make the relationship work. Like I have a coworker who said he would ask me put if only I was 10yrs older. Weird thing to say but makes sense because I'm 18 and he is in his late 20's, 27 I think. Go for it and good luck!

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  • I say go for it. I tend to date older guys, I am 20 and I have only dated a 29 year old when I was 19. So I went ten years, not that big of a deal. I find that I connect better with older guys, maturity factor or whatever.. Also I know a lot of hot young guys that want older women, they feel like they can learn more.. Have fun and good luck!

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  • If you're attracted to her and you two can get along, I don't see why not. If I were to give my friend the advice that your friends give you, it would be because I would think that you might not be able to really connect emotionally. I would be worried that you were making a mistake based solely on the physical.

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  • I don't think it should make any difference at all. If the age difference doesn't bother you, then take a chance. If the difference bothers her, then she won't go out with you. If it doesn't bother her, either, then you may just find out you're well suited for each other. People are only as old as they feel and you may be mature enough to be with her and she may feel a lot younger than she is.

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  • We're sorta in the same boat, I am interested in a man who is 15 years older than me and I hear the same stuff, that's gross, please don't mention it anymore and this and that, although I cannot even try to pursue it because I work with him and that's against the companys rules. But if you really like her then go for it, who cares what your friends say do what makes you happy, really. Just because someone is older than you doesn't mean yall don't have anything in common, maybe you like more mature women, I don't know I guess I just don't see a problem withit because I feel the same way! ha ha good luck to you!

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    • Yeah I am with you I was attracted to several older men and I don't really find it gross they don't all just want sex out of young girls maybe it can be an ego boost but some of them really do want a genuine relationship with her...

    • ya, we work together as well, but its not against company policy for coworkers to date where I'm at. and best of luck to you :D

  • I would say that love knows no bounds. But a word of caution not to become too focused on this woman, usually woman will date with an age limit; me, my sister, my mother, my aunts, and my friends all agree that there's an age range for dating. If I was you, I would ask her for her opinion on such things. Best of luck to you!

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    • thanks for the heads up. and I've thought about this possibility, and like many others have said on here, f*** it, at least I know instead of having that what if question for the rest of my life :D

  • How did this pan out for you?

    I just found this Q and was gonna say, go for it! I am 30 and interested in a man who is nearly 50. He doesn't look it or act it and we DO have a lot in common... we get along fantastically. People assume I am a gold digger but he isn't even working right now.

    The point is, don't let age or what others say stop you, or you may always wonder, what if

    Yes, LT there is gonna be struggles but you know what? People close in age has that too sometimes, just because someone is like 20 and their partner 22 doesn't mean one of them one endure cancer and be horribly sick or something and the other needs to care for them. Not really much different when it comes to your partner "getting old" and you caring for them. Love is love and I hope this worked out well for you

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    • yeah, unfortunately it didn't work out. I agree with you on all your points though. It was really upsetting and hurtful the way she handled things and our friendship ended on bad terms after I told her how I felt about her and asked her out. But whatever, I had some good times and the experience is still good enough.

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    • Its only been almost 3 months for me, so I feel I need to ride the friendzone ship a bit longer but I do plan to "ask him out" in a sense on his birthday, to go do something with me. I guess I will get a better idea of things at that point. So now... do you feel any other woman is "settling" since she was your perfect one? That's what I worry about

    • No I don't. The nice thing about love, is that we choose who we give it too. I've loved several different women in several different ways, they were all unique and wonderful, and for whatever reason, it simply wasn't meant to be and we both moved on. It's sometimes hard to realize that happiness is a choice and we get to choose who we share that happiness with. And no woman I love will ever be me settling. That's too negative of an outlook for me to have... I'm a lover and a fighter for it.

  • Never. It's fine to date in any age. It's only the people that you date that you should watch out for. Don't go too young or too old...

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  • honestly I don't think that ''dating'' has an age limit. I mean there's people in their 60's who get re-married. I think if you like her and you truly care about her then you should try to be with her. jhonestly if you like her it shouldn't matter what your friends think. follow your heart. I think you should let her know that you like her and want to be there for her. jus try to be there when she needs a friend and ask her to hang out some time as friends like ask her to meet you at the mall or something. that way you two can hang out and you can get to know each other without the pressure of tryin to start a relationship. and overall be sure that you always RESPECT HER! I hope I helped.

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  • Guts let love cougars :)

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  • If you like her, date her. Age doesn't matter, it's the maturity level of both parties that determines whether the relationship could work out or not. Go for it!

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    • i have a similar outlook on the situation and thanks for your input. I feel the maturity lvl is one of the more important factors in any relationship situation

  • Well, people are never too old to date. But if you are talking about dating someone who is older than you, I think age does matter. I don't think a 20 year old should go out with a 40 year old.

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    • you don't think a 20 year old should date a 40 year old? are you speaking for yourself or is that something that you don't want other people doing?

    • okay, so you have an obvious stance on the topic, but what imm asking is why :D

    • There is just something creepy about a 40 year old guy hitting on 20 year old girls. There are plenty of single women their age, why do they only come on to young adults.

  • I am in my forties and have always been attracted to men in from 25-35.We seem to get along best. If you like her go for it! It will Be the fun and experience of your life.

    And like the other user said I have no problem attracting guys from18(yes) and up. I just choose 25 as minimum age!

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  • For me, 30 is the highest and I'm 18

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  • I am 38 and will only date men between the ages of 18 and 30. I am just not attracted to men any older then that. All you can do is what feels right for you. My friends don't get it either but I don't care.

    And yes, I have no problem attracting men in this age range for anyone who is wondering.

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  • It is probably because dating a woman that much older is against the social norms so they feel uncomfortable with it but can't put a tangible reason as to why. I mean as a woman I personally do not like younger men at this point in my life but I do like men who are quite a bit older than me which is more "socially accepted" than a guy dating an older girl but hey if you are both legal you like her and she likes you why not give it a shot?

    The thing to consider with May/Decembers though, if it is serious and not just a few fun dates, is how you may feel down the line. For example would it bother you if you are only 30 and she is nearing 50 and already hitting menopause? If you want kids and she is already in her late 30s there isn't that much of a window left for her to conceive. Also consider issues like retirement, by the time you retire she may not be employed for years already. Also remember that women age in a different way than men do...a 45 year old man with a charming personality and a career can be very attractive to young women but is a 45 year old woman entering menopause and aging still attractive to a younger man? I know it is sad and shallow to think that way but that is how society thinks and you have to think about that idea. OTOH There are also different issues to consider when it is a man who is significantly older than a woman, which I think about myself.

    But all in all I say sometimes when you really like each other and there is nothing wrong with it (as in you are both legal adults, and not married or whatnot) you will feel worse if you never gave it a shot and wonder "What if" for the rest of your life, so in a situation like this just tread carefully and be prepared to realize there may be issues down the line because of your age gap.

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What Guys Said 10



  • Do you know what she wants?

    Do you know what you want?

    She might want different things than you whereas you might not have even considered what you want to get out of a relationship. Hey, you have plenty of time to waste without having to seriously think about that. She, on the other hand, is in the final seasons of her fertility. Does she want children? Does she want marriage? Do you? When she's in her 50s and you're in your late 30s, will you still want the same things you thought you did when you were early 20s? It's always big gamble, but this time for her more than you. So that'll be her choice. Hers. But you should be aware of these things. I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear, but even if you love each other and get along great, pursuing a relationship CAN be the wrong choice. You can make each other happy now, but will you each be happy ten years from now with the decision you made today?

    I'm not saying don't do it, and even if I were, you must not let any mere WORDS convict or dissuade you. These are points to think on. Let me know if any of this ends up helping.

    Two of my best friends in the world are age-gapped mates. They have a great, long marriage, and great children. They didn't listen to their friends-- they listened to their hearts, and to each other.

    Good love, and good luck.

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  • Too young is but a name in china. Haha But all jokes aside go for it! There may be many differences between you guys however. Such as conflicts because of your age difference, but you never know until you give it a try. My honest would be that your guys' age difference is too much, but then again if you're really into her give it a try.

    Best of luck man.

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  • If you're going to make your decision based on numbers you're not really interested in dating her anyway. I've dated 22 years younger and 12 years older than me. The things that made the relationships worth while had to do with personality and passion, not numbers of years.

    Also, if you're going to let your friends decide who you date and who you don't, you're a tool. It's your life - make your own decision. If what your friends think of your decision is going to make a difference then your out-of-whack priorities have already sabotaged any relationship you might have with her.

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    • ive already made my decision to go for it, I was just curious as to what others thought on the topic. and if I let my friends rule everything I did, id be a sad sad sad lonely man lol. thanks for the input :D

  • you know someone is to old to date, when that person is unable to hold his/her bladder and wears an adult diaper or when their dentures falls out and kiss you.

    Other then that it's okay to date people that are older then you, if you are legal yourself.

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  • Men your age are typically attracted to older women. Mostly due to women in your age range are more attracted to older, more established men.

    There's not really a problem with it, but when you're 30 and she's 45, she's gonna be looking rough, and you'll be eyeballing those twenty somethings who are flirting with you (cause you're older and more established).

    Remember, a woman's sexual value starts deteriorating after about 25. Significantly after 30. Do you want to have kids? But not yet? Maybe when you're 30 and she's 45? Most women after 35 have serious fertility issues.

    Just some things to think about. Yeah, the 15 year age gap doesn't mean much now, but what about when you're 40 and she's 55?

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  • Go for it, I find older girls are more patient and understanding, I've gone with 24 and 26 year olds before and they were always more calm and less dramatic because I guess they were older and just didn't have the energy to go insane and psycho like some younger girls

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  • Screw your friends. Do what you want to do. If she will date you and you want to date her then do it. f*** what everyone else thinks

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  • good for you! enjoy

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  • I bet when she was your age, she has done every guy under the son.

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    • debatable, but not really the focusing on the topic... unless you're saying when she was my age, she was doing guys that are currently her age, but I'm not concerned about the physical aspects. thanks for your input though lol

    • and your harsh reality

    • Hey man, I bet she'll blow your mind. I wish I could get a cougar.

  • As my friend says punishment knows no age.

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