Falling for a Muslim guy, so confused, advice?

Right now I am dating a Muslim guy I met through a friend. He is so sweet, romantic, smart, and funny but I'm starting to wonder if this relationship is a good idea. He got 'mad' (like he doesn't freak out but he starts saying I don't love him and acting weird) about me going to the movies with a guy and the other day, I hung out with him nd his roommate and while he was talking to the guy I was texting, so later he took my cell phone and read all my messages which kind of bothered me but I didn't have anything to hide. So yea he's jealous/possesive of me but he always talks about living with me. Yet he said he is never going to tell his family about me. We went out together and he made me wait outside while he went into his work because he didn't want this Muslim guy he works with to tell his parents about me. And finally last night he asked me to study up on his religion (I know a fair amount because I studied it in school, but I think he wants to convert me.) I have really strong feelings for him, I love talking to him and being with him, I really feel happy with him but I am starting to see that I might be being naive. I don't want to leave him but I feel like I have no idea what I'm getting into, I'm getting nervous. Anyone have any advice for me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It seems he is already letting himself be candidly selfish, putting your individuality and freedoms second to his comfort. This is a red flag in any kind of relationship, personal or professional.

    It doesn't sound like he respects you all that much, and with misogyny playing such a big role in the big religions, I can't see that changing much...

    Also there is something to be said about his emotional stability, jealousy and extremely possessive behavior can be a sign for a number of things, whether it be paranoia because he is cheating, an inability to trust women, or something else, it is probably in your best interests to cut your loses...

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What Guys Said 6

  • His being Muslim has nothing to do with it. He's just a guy who's way too protective (territorial might be the word). Many Christians or Jews or Buddhists or Hindus or atheists are the same as he is. Religion has nothing to do with it.

    As for advice, well, you need to talk to him. If you don't want to convert, then don't convert. He can't force you. And if he tries to force you, leave him, regardless of how strong your feelings are for him, because he shouldn't be able to force you to do anything.

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    • True. If it helps, he is from Pakistan. He's lived here 3 months. He has apologized for being possessive, but he can't seem to help it. He doesn't even want other guys looking at me, and I have lots f male friends, and I'm going to university, so he's feeling insecure and thinking I'm going to meet someone else. I'm just wondering about long-term.. if there's no possibility we can stay together, then I want to just leave him. Do you think I should?

    • Hmm yeah sorry but I think leaving him would be the best thing to do. If you're already having problems now, you're definitely gonna have problems later on when he likes you even more and when he REALLY won't want to lose you. Best to leave him earlier than later - less pain / damage.

      I don't know much about the country but I don't think Pakistan is that bad in terms of government and culture. But still, the fact of the matter is, he himself is too protective, regardless of his native country.

  • What AltTech said. He's already being a jealous d***, he's only going to get worse.

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  • So he's jealous, possessive, wants to convert you, and is ashamed of you.

    Does even have good qualities?

    You said it yourself, you are naive, and very much so. This guy is trouble. He's going to get more possessive and controlling. And as time goes on, he's going to press you more and more to convert. Probably ultimately telling you that you have to convert to continue seeing him.

    Get out now while you still can.

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    • He does have good qualities, he is sweet, protective of me, he's smart, funny... Its kind of sexy for a guy to be possessive and protective, but he just doesn't seem to trust me at all, and thinks I belong to him.Plus like you said, he is going to try to convert me.. I really care for him and like him but I guess I have to be a big girl and walk away before I get hurt..

  • K I say get out now, as a guy with some Muslim friends I can tell you right now their religion and family are everything, they can love a girl to death but if their parents don't approve then there is no hope for u.

    Also not being racest, but the Muslim culture dictates that men have complete and total control over everything, that may be why he had his kittle freak out and why he's so possessive

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    • There's no such thing as Muslim culture. Culture is based on where you live. Yes, Afghan men probably want total control over everything. But just because a guy is Muslim doesn't mean he wants total control. So, no, his little freak out had nothing to do with the fact that he's Muslim, only his own personality.

    • That's true, but the behavior may have been a product of his childhood environment, if he grew up in a traditional Afghan household then he must have been exposed to that living mentality at a young age.. But I could be wrong

  • If you're falling for him, forget the religion stuff.

    Just be sure to tell him how wonderful pork actually does taste :)

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  • Focus on him, ignore the faith for the time being. It's just fun and getting to know one another for the time being, maybe hint about him calming down etc, see how he reacts

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What Girls Said 5

  • This is a horrible question but does he have his citizenship cause that might be his intention. If he does then I will tell you that Muslim guys won't tell their parents about a girl they are dating. They won't say anything until they are sure that they will marry you. All the other things like jealousy are a cultural thing and not a religion thing. Culture has a lot to do with the problems you are having with him. Things are not going to get better so you need to decide whether you can accept his flaws or is it a deal breaker. There is always a chance of getting hurt no matter who you date. Middle eastern girls have a hard time as it is with dealing with these problems and it will be harder for you. I know this for sure though. He will not marry you unless you convert and this is a fact. I don't know weather he will want you to wear the islamic hijab but there are other restrictions like drinking and eating pork. If you don't plan on becoming a Muslim then don't waste your time cause it will never work. He is already trying to do it. He could be a very nice guy and he could make you very happy but your life will change and you have to be prepared for that.

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    • Yes he does. I am having a hard time deciding whether I can accept his 'flaws' or not. The thing is, he seems to expect me to be obedient?he says "you have to do this" and its something I really don't want to do I'll just say no and won't give in to him.He says "why don't you ever do what I say" So I'm surprised he hasn't snapped at me. He told me 4 girls cheatedon him which is why he doesn't trust me. I don't know about becoming a Muslim.I'm young and I don't know what kind of future I want yet :/

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    • Good. Why don't you think I can be happy with him? We do have a cute relationship, where we can just hang out and we are always laughing and joking around with each other, and he's more sweet/romantic than most guys but yeah he'd have to learn to cool down and trust me... which I hope would happen after we dated longer..

    • My concern has nothing to do with religion. His flaws like the jealousy and him taking your phone from you to check your messages is not normal. If its like this now then I can't imagine how it would be if you guys were married. Its only going to get worse and I am afraid that he will lose his temper and hit you one day. I would say this no matter what religion he is. This much jealousy is going to destroy your relationship so if something doesn't change then I don't see this working.

  • Can I be honest with you about Muslim men?

    They will always be ashamed of the girls they date especially OUTSIDE their religion, the men especially are too scared to tell their mommies that they have a white/black/Spanish/Russian girlfriend and they never will tell their parents because they don't think you are THE ONE for them. All this stuff he is saying about wanting to be with you and living with you is bullsh*t, TRUST ME! Dump him now and forget you have feelings for him because later you will cry over him.

    I know you think this is nuts but believe me it'll be worth it when you are with someone else, NEVER date a Muslim guy; you'll be treated like trash. They only date their own people and rarely marry outside their religion.

    Here's an example: My sister used to know a coworker of hers she was black and her boyfriend was Muslim from Pakistan, anyway they've been dating for 7 years or so and his mother STILL has no clue he's dating this girl, she thinks they will get married but he knows he doesn't want to marry her. So all he is doing is lying to her and she knows it but because she loves him she believes somehow he will stand up to his mother. But so far, nothing. So dump him and find someone worth liking. I know I sound like a complete bitch right now, but I am being completely and 100% honest with you.

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    • Not true. My muslim bf introduced me to his parents after 2 months of dating and they welcomed me with open arms. I'm white with a christian background and have lots of tattoos. Just saying, you can't portray all muslims the same. There are extremists and radicals that should be kept at a very big distance!

  • As has has already been mentioned, he has exhibited selfish behavior in many important aspects of your relationship, so I don't think it is a good idea for you to continue this relationship. I am Muslim and having been around many Muslim communities, I can assure you that most of the Muslim guys from conservative background are trouble, esp. if they are dating non-Muslim girls. It's ok to get to know him for a while, but if has shown no sign of compromising even a little bit while expecting you to compromise on many things, then it's clear that your relationship is headed for trouble. The best case scenario in this relationship would be that you would be doing his bidding (conversion, abandoning your lifestyle, etc) and he would convince you to think that he has done you a favour by 'liberating' you. Quite a lot of people, both men and women, in a lot of Muslim dominant cultures have a negative image of strong, opinionated women. I'm not saying that this is a 'Muslim guy' thing as I have known quite a lot of kind, wonderful and open-minded Muslim men including my husband. It's a cultural thing and it looks like there is a huge cultural clash here. Stay out of it if you can.

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  • Hi there, I have been with my muslim man for over a year now. He is also afghan. I had some of the same issues in the beginning, and let me tell you, it just gets worse with the possessive ness and going through your phone. My experience was a little different though, in that I am the first girl he has ever brought home to meet mom and dad. I did make sure all my tattoos were covered and I didn't wear a low cut shirt. They were very accepting and kind. I am still with him till this day, but I did have to make some sacrifices. I gave up fb (to his knowledge) and gave up a couple of friends that were really not great in the first place. At the same time, I know I have him for life because I dedicated myself to him and vice versa and that means a lot to their culture. So basically it depends on what you are willing to give up for someone you love and if it has been more than six months that he hasn't let you meet his parents, you should push the issue or move on. If you need any more advice let me know. Hope I was some help.

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  • That's a downfall of why I am afraid to date a Muslim guy. They are protective of their property. I personally would never convert to a Muslim. It is hard to tell a Muslim guy you love him but don't want to convert. His family will be disappointed and also I wouldn't be surprised if he will ask you to wear the hijab. Just tell him how you feel but seriously I think your relationship won't work because if he asked you to convert, him and his family expects you to convert.

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    • lol there are plenty of Muslims married to non-Muslims and plenty of Muslim girls who never wore a hijab. I don't know about Afghani Muslims but Muslim is such a broad term. There are arab Muslims, Mediterranean Muslims, Asian Muslims, European Muslims. lol

    • @Black_Swan_12 in afghanistan wear burqa

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