Sex the first night?

I would love to get the honest opinion of some guys on this. Upon recently having this discussion with some girlfriends the opinions were very much split about this topic. Some of the girls believed that if you met a guy out had a great night but then took him home and had sex with them that this automatically means it will go nowhere after this...no matter how easy the conversation is the next morning or if numbers are swapped etc., As they believe that if the guy gets this the first time then he has nothing to chase after so looses interest, and also that he doesn't have a lot of respect for the girl because he's thinking how many other guys has she done this with?



On the other hand, some of the other girls thought that it was very old fashioned to be thinking this way and it takes two to have sex so why would he disrespect her for doing it with him, when he's more than willing!!! Also they said that if the conversation is going well the next morning and they actually click well with each other, that there is no reason why he wouldn't call and that there's as much of a chance of a proper date as there would have been if they didn't take him home.

So guys what's the truth? Although it doesn't sound very modern or cosmo of me, I think I'm leaning towards the first opinion above. But please let me know what you think.....I told the group I'd get back to them!!!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The first part depends on what you mean by chasing. There is a vast difference between playing hard to get for a date and playing hard to get for sex within a relationship. Pretending not to like someone to increase his anxiety or saying "no" the first time someone asks you out as a test is not something guys admire or enjoy.

    On the other hand, playing hard to get in regard to sex is something that many men respect. It shows us that you have self-respect and establishes your relationship priorities. In addition to those character aspects, sex right off the bat disrupts the romance curve. Both romance and bonding relate to the unfolding of the other's personality and the emergence of a relationship in which the two parties understand each other and care about each other's feelings.

    There's also a trust issue. While it's true that it takes two to tango, how comfortable could you be in your partner's fidelity when you know from experience that he or she will hit it with someone they've known for a short period of time? The stereotypical "player" avoids entanglements - one might wonder if that isn't a defense mechanism to avoid being exposed to the natural curve of that kind of relationship?

    To me "old fashioned" means "way that has worked in our culture for a long time." I'm one who thinks it's a terrible idea, so I can't speak to what someone else would do that thinks it's a good idea. I guess it depends on what you're looking for - if you want a sex based relationship then I think you can have sex on the first date and see how things turn out.

    Do you think the editors of Cosmo are looking out for your best interests?

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What Guys Said 7

  • Guys don't enjoy the chase, I've never met a guy who enjoyed being put thru shit to get to a girl, and me and every dude I know has no idea why girls think that's an issue for guys.

    If you have sex on the first night we'll think it's awesome. Guys just like sex, plain and simple. If you want to be absolutely sure he calls you back, blow him in the morning.

    The guys who would hold first night sex against you are probably such a minority you might actually never meet one outside of Utah

    Really a guy shouldn't hold if against you if you like sex, and you chose him to sex up. If he brings it up just tell him he got lucky.

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    • I like the chase, it's like a video game. If it's too easy it's boring, too long then it's not worth the time.

      If you give it up the first night, Great for us but know when we talk to our friends, we'll be referring to you as that "skank / slut" we got.

    • Outside of Utah.. so, how's the divorce rate within the Mormon community? Lots of STD's? Teenage pregnancies?

  • So I made it simple...I emailed those of my friends that were married, and I asked them if their wives gave it up the first night they dated, and none of them replied with a yes. Matter of fact, they said that if had she given it up, most likely they would have ended up with another woman as a wife. If they lived in Holland, maybe it would be a totally different response, however.

    As far as my own experience---every girl that gave it up the first time, it never evolved into anything else more than a sexual relationship.

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    • Thanks for the research, it confirms what I suspected. However it is rather confusing that men (not all of course but many) do try for sex, if she agrees its unlikely he'll say no, yet he doesn't respect her after, but he doesn't think any less of himself!

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    • He is just making a statement that it might be different based on social norms of other countries then again idk much bout the dutch

    • According to my friends that lived in holland, when guys there ask you out on a date , and then they show up to pick you up, is not uncommon for the guy to tell the girl...'so do we come back to your place or my place after this date' I asked a few dutch girls about this, and a couple replied, 'and whats wrong with that?' :)))

  • Sex the first night or not, it's still about how you feel and interact with the person. If you click together, then it's almost a sure bet the guy will pursue the relationship further. However, if there is no chemistry, and it was just a quick fling, the guy will treat it like that.

    Brings up the question of having sex that quickly in the first place. I tend to think it's better if you get to know the person first. Then it's more meaningful!

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    • Hi lovebird01, thanks for your reply. I agree its a lot nicer when you know each other and have a build up to it. However sometimes these things just happen. your opinion of, if there is genuine chemistry that he will pursue it is very good to know!

  • When that happens with me it usually means yeah that's it once it happens with her on a first date no matter what I tell her, like oh yeah don't worry I will call you, it doesn't end up good it's a dead end. Every single girl that I have slept with on a first date that was it, I don't even talk to them after that night. And the funny thing is every guy wants to get laid on a first date, so more and more women these days are gving into that because they might think well its the norm in todays time, and they think well if I don't give him any then he will think I am prude and not talk to me again. So to be safe ladies don't be a prude but then again don't look like a slut. The best thing is make out and if you go further mess around, have oral sex but then when he says lets have sex say I am not ready yet. This will keep us interested and yeah you'll get another date and possibly a relationship.

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  • There is two points.

    1. Both are going to be in the same position; he will say this girl is too easy she will say this guy is the typical bird eats and then flies away.. So do not think in favor of your side or against your side both have a lot to loose.

    2. When two person find each other for first time, there in not too much to loose if one of them say something wrong so, if they feel attractive to each other they will start to look directly to their ayes, to have a chatting no matter what they are talking about and in that chatting all the feeling, intentions, needs will merge between them. As humans, we like to be loved, hear it, need it and when we find that person we give ourselves to that person no matter what! One think is looking for that person, in that processes always the physical rules the search but after the sex contact always comes the relaxing time is this time when the human shows his real personality! And is the personality that decides if you really will like that person or not. The rest I think you are mature to know what it fallows after.

    My friend do not think too much about that. Thats why it is very beautiful, enchanting and interesting when this two persons takes their time to know each other better.

    If you want to ask something else or feels that I could not gives you an answer at all you can write me to javaragonp@hotmail.com and add me to you msn messenger, if you want.

    I wish you a great day!

    Javier

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  • Even though women would like to think they are living in a more modern era its always been the same situation concerning sex. I would still think in my mind just as most men would that if I had sex with her on the first night that she's pulled that trick more than once. Really you should take a little time to find out who it is you sleeping with. Do we like each other and enjoy being with each other (when we are sober).

    What is their past. Is it safe or worth while to invest time with this person. ANYONE can have sex. Its always more complete when you actually developed feelings for the other person.

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  • Just to provide another side to this. My wife and I actually had sex on our first date. That was 26 years ago in July so it's not a death sentence! That being said, I don't think it's something you go out of your way to do to try and catch a guy either.

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