Guilty for snooping, would you have done the same?

I have been dating this man for 2 years now. We have gone through 1 “break” now things are better than ever. But I snooped through his email and now I am confused and I’m beginning to think that he is just settling with me because his 1st options isn’t available. So here’s a bit of background: During our “courting” phase lol him and I had a drunk casual convo where he mentioned how much he cared about me and how much he loved me. He said that there has only been one other girl that has made him feel this way but she was 3000 miles away in N. Carolina stationed out there due to the navy (we live in California). Another time we were eating dinner and he received a phone call from this girl. he had a big smile on his face and stepped out to take the call. I asked him about her and he said she was just an old ex and they were just friends. I left the issue alone but have never felt really at ease with the subject. I have a gut feeling that if she were to live or move to cali he would dump me on the spot to be with her….

So during my Sherlock Holmes incident he went to work early and left his Ipad at home…I opened to log into FB but realized he hadn’t logged out of his email. I checked them and there I found emails between him & this Brittney girl. The last one dating back to June262011. He was very interested in who she was dating now and she was very flirty and coy. He apologized for losing touch with her and said he never meant to because she was a huge part of his life. He gave her his telephone number and asked about her family and son. She flirted back asking about work and how she just might have to fly out to California for a 1 night stand with a firefighter (meaning him) he replied with an lol and said that he was a chef now. She asked him how many girls were lining up to go out with him and he said none. He replied that he’s not dating anyone because he hasn’t been lucky in the love department. I’m devastated. & feel betrayed. We got back together On my birthday June 5. These emails string back to April 4 2011. I have even gone as far as checking his phone yesterday and didn’t find any text messages from her. I understand talking to exes but where do we draw the line? Is this okay? Denying relationships and flirting about 1 night stands? He also asked her if she still dress all sexy to go to work? She said she covered up now. And he also let her know that he watched their movie the other night and how he ran into someone that looked just like her but didn’t approach.

Back in April my boyfriend (we weren’t together at the time) had a Culinary Competition for school. He left to Arizona for a few days and in his emails he mentions to her how he saw her son and her mother, he said he’s happy to see her family is well. Her family lives in AZ. So now I realized that he went as far as visiting her family too! Even though she’s in NC.

I know I can’t say anything because this would backfire on me for snooping..but I'm sure if the opportunity presented it


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You should have a deep conversation about how he feels about you. Where are you guys heading, serious, steady etc... And ask him you remember him talking about that girl, ask him how he feels about her during the convo. Two years is a long time, you should know where to stand and how he feels about it all.

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    • Thats a good way to bring it up...I can casually slip that in...Hmmm good idea...He's not really the emotiona romantic type and since we got back together he's has been. He said he loved me finally! He's affectionate and I think our relationship is serious steady..It's not just a casual affair...i Don't think...These are the conversations I'm afraid to have with men.

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    • its kind of when you confess something to your parents knowing that your gonna get grounded but your right I should tell himand discuss this.

    • Yes you should. I know this kind of thing is not always easy with guys that are a bit immature, but you need to know where you are, I can tell all of it is hard on you, so go ahead and bring it all and ask for what you need to know, it's your life and you deserve answers.

What Guys Said 2

  • He's with you, right? If he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat. All you can really do is prepare.

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    • yes he's with me but come on! Why not just stay single and eff around. It's not fair to me. I feel like I'm competeing with a ghost...like I'm just a stand in.

  • Things may be better than ever for you... but I'm not so sure he feels the same. Snooping is a very grey subject, I think a lot of people would do the same if put in your position. Whether he still loves this girl or simply has a crush on her is hard to tell, but you may want to have a serious discussion about your relationship and his feelings for this ex.

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    • Oh man you are right! Things might be rosey on my end but I never thought about his? But why come back to me.? I don't want to bring up the subject becasue I know he will become upset after he finds out that I snooped...Ugh! this sucks!

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    • NerdInDenial: I have asked and he non chalanty replies. "Yea" Sometimes he hugs me and says"yea" never more than that.

    • Why come back? Because you're the safe and easy choice.

      If he's not telling his ex he's in a relationship I would consider that a red flag that he's either decided to try and cheat or he doesn't consider this a lasting relationship.

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