My exes started dating someone. How does this reflect on me? Is it me? Is it them?

Both of my exes started dating someone else little more than a month after we broke up... I'm kind of lost really... I don't know whether to hate them, or look at myself and wonder if there's something wrong with me... I'm not a bad person, I've answered plenty of questions around this site to illustrate that far before ever thinking of asking this question, but I can't help but wonder what that says about me that they both entered a new relationship barely a month after leaving me, if that. Or does it just say that I'm dating the wrong women? lol Because I don't have a clue how to find the "right" one...

And thoughts/adivce/help? I'm just kind of... Stunned... At the moment... Not sure what to think...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Who broke up first? You broke up with them first or the other way round?

    It could just mean, they are trying to get over you by dating some other guy or trying to make you jealous. Or, they think there's no point in sitting around, wondering what could have been so they are back in the dating game.

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    • They both left me... AKA they broke up with me first.

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    • Both times it was a "I love you but I'm not "in love" with you" situation, so they said. Both said they wanted to be friends, but that didn't pan out, and after I unfriended this previous one she posts her reasoning for breaking up on a site and when I replied saying there was no reason for it she blocked me all over Facebook/aim/skype & posted something saying I need to move on. The first gal didn't go that in depth with it, just said "You're the perfect guy, but not the perfect guy for me."

    • Oh, I'm sorry. The previous one semms childish.

What Girls Said 2

  • You just haven't found the right girl yet. Don't hate them and don't hate yourself . The both of them just moved on pretty quickly. You have to move on too, and learn to love yourself. That girl that posted something online sounds very immature ; be happy that you're not with her. You find somebody , you just have to be patient :).

    I hope I helped.

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  • It's not about you. Stop internalizing this and trying to make it seem like it's about you when it has nothing to do with you. It's all about them. Maybe they just met guys they felt were very correct for them. Maybe the guy is really amazing and they feel they can't let him pass them by. To be totally honest, you sound extremely self centered.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Ok, I am going to tell you what you don't want to hear, but what you need to hear. IT IS ABOUT YOU! Not the way you think, but it's about what they didn't want with you. The "It's not you, it's me" crap is an excuse to try to keep your feelings from being hurt. As you can see, your feelings for more shattered because of the lie. IT'S YOU!

    They got into new relationships because they wanted to be in a relationship, but they wanted guys that were more offering to them somehow. In other words, you were missing something that those guys weren't. There wasn't a equal trade of value so they decided to go with someone else, it's that simple. Those were not the "wrong" women so don't fall for that excuse, YOU WERE THE "WRONG" GUY.

    There were over you days even weeks before they left you, and they left you for a reason or reasons. If you are a nice giving loving caring dependable guy, you weren't a challenge to the girls and they start looking for excuses to leave because you didn't hold their attention. The thing is, you have probably been brainwashed about how to treat girls, thus you were treating them "how they wanted to be treated" and got dumped, and that's why you are confused so "sparing" you feelings didn't work.

    As far as being patient to find the "right" girl, how long are you willing to wait? Months, years, decades? Nice guys finish last, so stop being that guy. You have to change your game. You can't be "friends" with an ex, because you are never friends with someone you want to have more with. You are going to have to be the alpha male. It's about ATTRACTION, not how you "treat" a girl. Girls are treated right and chased by guys everyday, but they aren't attracted to those guys.

    Take all of this for what it's worth, but you have to face the facts. The way you are and what you are doing isn't working. The jerks and bad boys are more successful at getting girls because they aren't boring. Fun, drama, an element of danger, mystery, money, power, fame are certain things that girls crave. Look at yourself, hard. Should you hate those girls, yes. For wasting your time and not helping you improve on your game to get girls.

    Move on, date other girls, don't get serious. Play the game, have more than one girl at bay just in case. Don't be so available all the time and give space. Don't spill all of your feelings because the mystery leaves. The problem is you, and girls won't tell you that because deep down they don't really care. As long as they are getting what they want you are a distant second. Stop being the guy for the future and be the guy for NOW.

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  • it doesn't reflect on you. it just means they're weak willed women who are incapable of being alone and rebound onto the next unlucky sod who gets in their way.

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