If this isn't true girls, then what is?

I've read several times, even here, the question, "If a girl doesn't text you first ever, is she not interested?"

Most responses say "No, not necessarily. She may be busy, may be too shy, may not want to seem clingy/needy/desperate, may not want to bother the guy, may want the guy to traditionally contact first," etc.

My question is then, if the guy is trying to see for himself if the girl is interested at all (because that fear is what leads them to ask the question) and decides to not text for a while, does the initial common responses still stand? Are they still too busy, too shy, not wanting to bother?

Sometimes it seems as if the girl will keep waiting and waiting for you to contact again, then start thinking it's him who's losing interest. And if that's the case, he's not contacted yet again because what's the point.

I understand every girl is different, of course. And the situations are also very different for each of us. That's why I ask to see some different opinions.

So, once again, the question is: Do those initial responses still stand after the guy backs off from contacting first?

If not, is that way a better measure to see if the girl is genuinely interested?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If the girl IS interested and she's waiting for you to text, and you pull that backing off stunt, she's gonna be so guttered. And think you aren't interested. Ultimately girls like to be chased and hate making the first move.

    She may cave in and text you something random just to check your response if she is forced to wait for too long. But really if you don't bite while it's hot, she's gonna move on feeling really annoyed and you'll have no idea...xX - In my opinion...xX

    So I guess you can play the waiting game for a little bit but not for too long cause the bait won't look so tasty in her eyes and you both may end up dissappointed bud...xX

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    • Well the chase is fun, but if it lasts too long, what else are guys supposed to think but the same thing, "she's not interested".

      Not talking about making the very very first move, just once you two have talked, contacting first could definitely be done. Don't think you're getting the question... the guy is only backing from contacting first just to see her reaction. as if the girl always contacted first, to see if the guy cared that there were no more msg. it's not a game, just a sanity check

What Girls Said 1

  • If I were interested, I would wait for the guy to text to see if he were interested in me. If he doesn't then I would naturally assume he isn't really interested and feel down. I wouldn't text him in this situation. I'd just think: 'Why bother, he's not interested in me anyway.'

    But if say, I talked to that particular guy and am 100% sure he is interested in me, I'd use excuses to contact him once in a while.

    You may say we women are complicated, but I'd just say we're different. (:

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    • That first paragraph you wrote is basically what I wrote in the "sometimes it seems..." part haha.

      What I was looking for is if girls would first contact a guy they've been talking to for a while. so you say you would if you knew he was truly interested, but only once in a while? not saying it should be anything strict, but shouldn't there be a balance? because then don't you think there's a natural occurence to the guy that the girl's not putting any effort?

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    • But it really depends on the girl's personality. If she is shy, then it would be less likely that she contacts first. If she is bold, then she may contact you first.

    • Yes, I do understand shyness. But at a certain point in continuing to talk and have conversations with a special person, wouldn't that shyness be overcome by affection, thought, and consideration for the other? I'd understand if a girl was shy and hated to contact first, but at the same time I'm the one seeming the only one interested (only in this aspect) of having to contact first.

      Shouldn't it be balanced at a certain point? Bc otherwise the guy starts to doubt the relationship...

What Guys Said 1

  • If you feel rejected a little bit after every time you speak to her, it's just not going to work. Everyone deserves better than chasing someone who can't figure out what they want.

    When it's right, it's easy, it falls into place.

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    • I get what you're saying. Question's not about feeling rejected though. It's about the guy having to contact the girl first every time. I understand that's how it should be most of the time, but it's a bit weird for the girl to never initiate conversations. Naturally it would seem at first that she's not interested in talking or is responding trying to be polite, however the convos go.

      Certainly this is such an unimportant issue overall. But it's a question asked, and one I'm curious about.

    • You shouldn't have to contact the same girl first every time. That's ridiculous. I won't do that.

    • Exactly. That's why I'm asking if those initial responses to "if she doesn't text first.." still stand for when the guy decides "i'm putting in way too much effort" and backs off a bit.

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