Guys really want bitches

I'm always just too nice, too available and just too forgiving. I inow it is my fault and no one else. My last 5 relationships (actually never became relationships, just dating) just never became serious, because right at the beginning, I am too nice, I accept things too much and am just too avalable. All my guy friends tell me I'm just too nice, so guys who would normally fall for me, just see me as too easy to work for.

Is there a way to change that after it was done. I am currently dating a guy, have been for a couple of months, but he (like all the others) doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. I really like him, but I know I am just too nice to him, I am too available so he'll always call last minute, he'll cancell on me, he'll tell me he doesn't want to be too serious. How should I go now if I want him to fall hard for me if he has feelings. (which he says he has)

Updates:
Thank you for all the great answers! Being nice doesn't mean being clingy and not having a life though, I have a life... Actually by being too nice, I meant not saying a thing,if I do not have a call from the guy in 4 days, if I text him and he doesn't answer, I won't be waiting for him, I won't say a thing when he'll call 2 days later because I don't see it as something worth having a fight or being mad.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "Too nice" isn't actually *nice*, it's desperate, clingy, and being a pushover. There are plenty of people, male and female, who don't feel confident in themselves and don't see themselves as being "worthy" of a decent mate, and so they try to be "nice" but instead become welcome mats. That is unattractive to both sexes.

    The problem is NOT the other people, it's you. You have to learn to accept yourself for who you are, and be comfortable in your own skin. You have to learn to love and respect yourself before anyone else is going to respect you. And then, you need to demand repect when it is appropriate to do so.

    That means: canceling at the last minute is unacceptable. Expecting you to be available at his whim is unacceptable. Expecting you do to 90% of the work in the relationship is unacceptable.

    Being nice is wonderful, but you've got to dial that back some until you are no longer "nice" to the point that you're being taken advantage of. It's not only OKAY to stand up for yourself, it's NECESSARY.

    Sure, having some standards means that some/many guys will be eliminated from being a potential Boyfriend because they don't meet those standards and requirments. And that will include some guys that you (think you) really like. You have to learn to accept those losses as part of the process, rather than bend over backwards to try to accomidate them. But having those standards will mean your chances of having a GOOD relationship go WAY UP.

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    • Wonderful advice! Thank you!

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    • Good answer!

    • Dating advice GOLD!

What Guys Said 11

  • Being nice is awesome. I would never date a woman if I didn't think she was kind, patient, and compassionate. But don't be so accommodating. Have your own life and hobbies and friends. Friends with benefits is a scam. Don't allow yourself to be used for sex. Make him at least acknowledge that you're his girlfriend. I am all for premarital sex, but I don't think that some basic level of commitment is asking too much. Men want to have sex with the girl who gives it up quickly, but we don't want to keep her. We want someone who values herself enough to exact an emotional price for sex.

    As for what you can do now, that's easy, really easy. Just say "I don't know where this is going," and refuse to have sex with him until he shows you some sort of commitment. I thought that one was in the women's field manual. It seems to be a favorite.

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    • Love this answer. I have the same issue the QA has. I actually exercised my right to say no and showed him he doesn't have me wrapped around his finger. Became less available too (well that's a process I started today lol). I finally realized that I am great girlfriend material. I don't like drama, I don't expect people to read my mind, I am excellent at various things so I just needed to stop wasting my energy on a waste of space and find someone who really deserved what I have to offer.

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    • thanks, really good answer. I know we are not just FWB but we are having sex without a commitment... I will try putting my foot down and tell him. thanks !

    • @confused415 = Thanks. @ Answerer - that's true. We all need our own space. After a while you feel like you are suffocating.

  • Being nice isn't the problem, being too available is though. Make advanced plans with the guy, and let him know you have other things going on. Don't be too unavailable though because that's a sure-fire way to say you're not interested.

    Go out in a definite date scenario and just ask where the two of you stand. Either things go in your favor or you get some clarification and can decide what you want to do next. Don't lose faith though, because us decent guys are out there.

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    • Men older than 22 would hold nothing against a woman who is available. These little detail games are complete nonsense as you grow older. Being clingy, however, is a recipe for disaster.

    • If somebody is always available, I question if they have a life. When I say "let's get something to eat tomorrow" and she goes "I've got plans to go snwoboarding, how about *insert day here* instead?" I consider that a good thing.

  • There are two kinds of women that get men. Bitches and women with sex appeal. Women with sex appeal are far superior to bitches.

    A bitch will be friendly to a man and then be mean to him. Being friendly gets him to like her, and being mean hurts him which fools him into thinking because he is hurt he must have feelings for her. So he loves her. Brainwash 101.

    A woman with sex appeal will laugh with a man while rubbing his chest. Will lean on a man then pull away slowly. Will breathe wet and heavily in his face. Will touch his shoulder. Touching a man is one of the friendliest things a woman can do for a man. It makes him feel handsome. Then he will love her more than the bitch.

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    • and what if a "bitch" has sex appeal ? he falls harder ?

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    • I think I'm neither but I like this answer!...xX

    • that's not true. bitches can have sex appeal especially if they're just hot and they have big t*ts or a big ass and a pretty face. sex appeal is not some difficult thing to accomplish especially if you're pretty. men are so easy and simple to charm with sex appeal. it's not some magical thing that bitches can't achieve just because they're bitches

  • That's not true I really liked this girl, she was quiet sweet, then she turned to a bitch and then I dropped her and we don't talk anymore.

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    • That's called a two-face woman. Pay attention when your out in public with a woman. If other woman are giving her dirty looks chances are she's a bitch. Women have better bitchdar than men do.

  • False you are you going for the wrong type of guys apparently

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  • I want a nice girl though I am sy so I want her to be understanding

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  • Don't take it out on all guys, cursing the air because you dated ones that it didn't go well with.

    All the girls I've approached/dated have been bitches to some extent.

    Let me tell you, there are times where I would've killed for a real nice girl.

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    • I am sorry, I shouldn't generalize but my last 5 relationships if we can call it that, have turn the same way, and all my best guys friends just tell me the problem is I never say anything and let them get away with treating my like sh*t, so they just continue doing it, and don't see the need in making an effort, because I am don't see the need to start a fight for something not worth it and I am just always happy to see him, always nice..

    • You're allowed to be angry/frustrated with your previous relationships. Just don't make the mistake of likening individual people to an entire gender, because when you hold onto that judgmental sexism, some day you will screw up your opportunity with a really great guy.

  • I have no wish to even attempt to compete with Mr Oracle...however...see how far you get with most males ..if you are bitchy?

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  • we have a lot in common.. trust me not all guys are like that I wish I can meet a girl like you =)

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  • I'm not sure

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  • I can't stand bitches. It messes

    With my esteem and vibe I like a peacefull house. The Bible talks about bitches very badly. No one likes a nag. Be nice and set standards. I'm a Christian and want this type of girl. Maybe you need to see guys in a different location or more older mature type. Young men aren't known for being stable. Older men are what you might want. For me I want a girl a can respect takes my breath away and that has christian standards. Someone I would want a family with not a party girl or a bitch.

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    • This works if you are handsome. If you are on a date and women are giving your date dirty looks I can guarantee you she is a bitch. Women have bitchdar while men have whoredar. You don't want a party girl. I do. But neither of us want sluts if that's what you mean. It takes a lot of subtle sexual advances and seeing how she makes moves back which will give away if she is a virgin or not. There are body languages of that of a virgin and that of a non virgin. It takes age and wisdom and experience

    • It's not just virgins who don't accept every sexual advance made on them, you know...

What Girls Said 15

  • Yes, bitches are preferred over push overs the same way bad boys are preferred over push overs. The whole idea of being nice is fine, but nice translates into over the top pushovers.

    Anyways, your idea of being a bitch is just having and opinions and putting your foot down, that's your problem. You have to be your own person with your own preferences and be able to defend yourself.

    I'm sure your intentions are well, but you need more of a backbone. That doesn't mean gripe and whine and complain.

    All it means is know when to pick your battles and when to put an end to his pushing over you.

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    • Very friendly people don't mind pushovers. Maybe it's better to be a pushover to weed out 90% of the population. Sure you'll get dumped a lot but you'll end up with the very friendly in the end. I can't help the question asker on how to detect men who are a**holes. But women who are bitches get dirty looks from other women when I'm on dates, smirk a lot, and various other give aways. Maybe some women can help her out to detect a**holes.

  • People do not all fall into categories of nice girls/bitches or nice guys/jerks ;)

    Google Rori Raye. She has products you have to pay for, but she also has articles on her website and a free newsletter. I think that'll help :)

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    • Uh yes they do. A friendly girl gave me medicine when I was sick. A bitch reached into her purse then yanked it away and started laughing at a homeless man.

    • They really don't. People use the terms 'nice guy/nice girl' on this site to mean being nice but also lacking in confidence. That's what I meant - that you can be confident and attractive like that without being a pushover or feeling like you have to settle for whatever you can get.

  • Yeah, it's crazy how so many men out there will put up with all kinds of sh*t as long as a girl is hot. She can be a bitchy, selfish, cheater who disrespects his mother and he'll put up with it if she has big t*ts and a pretty face. Most guys are so stupid. Trust me.

    I used to feel just like you, then I stopped giving a f*** about pursuing guys because of their constant idiocy. So then I stopped caring and just started focusing on creating my dream life and now they all come flocking to me. But they seem to just always make me disappointed and frustrated in men so now I feel complete disinterest in dating until I come across a man who acts like he has some damn sense

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    • And those men are usually less good looking. A very handsome man isn't going to put up with that kind of sh*t. He will easily go for a woman just as pretty but friendlier.

    • Actually, logically that sounds correct, but that's not true. I have dated a few athletic guys with wonderful bodies and very handsome faces who put up with sh*t like that from girls and are now jaded towards women.

    • wish I could not give a f***, but I am still pursuing those guys...

  • Um, it's not you being "too nice" it's that you're finding jerks. Not all guys are like that.

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  • Im sure there are guys out there that actually really like really nice girls like you. I don't think you should make to much of an effort to change for this guy, I mean I understand you really like him but would it be worth faking it forever?

    At least you're yourself from the start and guys know who you are. You shouldn't have to change to be liked because then it's not YOU that they like...xX

    You only make yourself more exclusive because of how nice you are so that in itself is appealing.

    I think that Mr right who adores girls who are just like you is still out there...

    And they do exist because I have a friend who LOVES girls like you and complains about how they're so hard to come around...xX

    Whatever you do I wish you the best!...xX

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  • Gosh I have the same problem. Thanks for asking the question.

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  • You should date a nice country boy. They like nice girls and if he's really a good county boy, he'll appreciate that you're so nice.

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  • Don't be a bitch, but don't let people walk all over you.

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  • oh now I know what might that book I saw is talking about ..the title was "why men love bitches" :S



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    • There's only one use for a book like that: link

    • lol I didn't read the book so I don't really know what's in it but It could help her right ? ...

  • I don't think they necessarily want bitches but they do want the hot girl. Ideally they want a nice docile hot girl but that type is so rare. The prettier girls tend to be bitches because they're allowed to and can get away with it. So that's why it seems like they want bitches.

    But in your case I don't see why you would think the guys you've dated wanted bitches? Based on what you said it just seem like you enable guys to walk all over you. Of course they're going to keep doing it if they know they can get away with it. Time to start putting your foot down. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

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    • Pretty bitches cannot get away with it with very handsome men. Most of the most beautiful women I have ever met are friendly. This is because they know there are other women just as pretty as them and friendly. A very handsome man is going to go for them and is experienced enough not to go for a bitch.

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    • Lol yeah he doesn't know what he's talking about. This is the perfect example of guys coming to the defense of pretty girls/bitches. They can do no wrong!

    • yeah, guys are so stupid. no wonder there's such an increase in the lesbian population. guys are just frustrating, idiotic disappointments who only care about their d***s.

  • There's a difference between being nice and being a doormat. By being too available and tolerating his cancellations etc you are being a doormat.

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    • She should be a doormat to weed punks out. If a man treats her like a doormat then he's a bitch. A real man wouldn't do that to her.

    • actually I am, but in my head, if it is not worth being mad for and having a fight, I just won't say anything. I am like that in life, and it just comes as being the girl that accepts everything so easily but it is just me not wanting to be mad at someone for little things.. until it comes as normal because I let them do it too many times.

  • Guys that like bitches mostly are the type who don't want to get committed in a relationship.By getting with bitches they can come and go anytime they want,without any commitment. I'm sure that a guy who really want a serious relationship won't choose bitches to be with.No ring for slut,like one of my guy friend said.

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    • A bitch is not a slut.

    • Whats wrong with you? You commenting in almost every people answers here.What do you wanna hear?

  • Not really sure bitchy is what men really look for. I think confidence is the key. You can still remain the nice lady but exude in confidence as well.

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    • Men and women like confidence. Men and women like shy. Men who are shy have a hurt before being hurt code while women who are shy, well are shy. 90% of women who act shy are not shy but are doing it for sex appeal and are complete sluts.

  • I hear you. I don't feel I should change for anybody because it is a great trait and I refuse to pretend to be something I am not. So it is the single life for me, better than not being true to myself. Sorry I can't help with your situation but I hope knowing others go through this too helps you feel better.

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  • Read "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov. That's what helped me :). Don't fall for none of this "Oh you're dating the wrong men" bullcrap. Trust me.

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    • So what does it say? be a bitch?

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    • All right well sorry, I thought you might've been this other anon girl who clearly told me she didn't like me. I did take it a little personal, sorry.

    • I will look into it, thanks !

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