The problem I'm having is letting go when someone rejects me. It's like I still have to convince them; when I do things I like or I'm in my element I wonder first with sadness that they aren't seeing me in my moment and then I start to think of ways in which they CAN see this side of me. It's all a futile exercise that never results in me being happy. It's always "if only I can just convince them", "if only I can show them this", "if I only I say/said that", etc.
I'm hoping that it's just because I don't have a lot of experience.
Most Helpful Girl
My first thought is that your reaction has a lot to do with your own self-value and need for validation. I have struggled with this too, and I've learned that sometimes I feel like I'm not "good enough" unless someone else notices my value and acknowledges it. And if that doesn't happen, I turn it on myself- I was rejected because I said something silly, I didn't do as good of a job as I thought I did, I wasn't at my best and just need another chance to prove myself. The key is realizing that everyone is different, and you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea, and all that means is that their style/taste/likes/dislikes are different from yours. You certainly don't adore every person you meet, but it's not necessarily because you think they're not good enough, right? It's the same for you- not everyone will adore you, and 99% of the time it has nothing to do with you, and you'll drive yourself crazy trying to change the mind of someone who is simply disinterested.
I'm not saying you need to be emotionally dead, because it does sting when you want to impress someone and it doesn't work. But you do need to be able to separate your own self-esteem from others' opinions of you.3