Falling in love with my ex-boyfriend while in another relationship. What to do?

My ex is a fun-loving, sweet, musically/artistically passionate person who lacked so much confidence and had so many insecurities about himself I didn't know about until he hurt me greatly (by "sexting" other girls). When I found out he claimed it was the worst mistake of his life, that he'd been acting so flaky and immature about everything and didn't want to hurt me by forcing his urges on me or "tainting" me with his troubles. To him I'm his version of perfection and he couldn't acknowledge how much he loves me, and let every other fault in his life get in the way. The way he expresses his overwhelming adoration for me as he opens up moves me, and I now can't doubt how they've motivated him to be a more self-aware person. He wants to continue to step up to show me he can be a man, and loves me despite me having found a boyfriend after he hurt me. He knows how confused I have been after all the trials we went through and believes he has learned so much, and that I'm his world--he won't give up on any account to show that he loves everything about me, including my imperfections.

My current boyfriend would also bend over backward for me and loves me as well, but not in the same powerful way. He's a driven guy, mature beyond his years, and he fell for me very quickly as he was in the process of breaking up with his controlling girlfriend. He didn't continue with an education beyond high school, yet lives on his own and has a steady full time job, but I can't help but feel like it won't last, and I know he's serious about everything he goes after. This scares me, I can't wrap my head around a future with him--I've never felt a strong physical attraction toward him. He involves me with his family a great deal, and I can't help but feel it will amount to nothing despite his best efforts. My ex is now someone I can count on as well, yet my boyfriend has no idea I still keep in contact with him and see him often. I feel like a hypocrite and that both see things in me that I can't understand. I've heard great deals about my attractiveness, and I know my current boyfriend tries hard to make up in the perceived gap between us through all other parts of our relationship. He's a hard-working, solid, family-oriented guy who values tradition and respect for women. I admire him greatly and I know he thinks highly of me as well, which is why I couldn't stand to tell him about not wanting a future with him, let alone that I'm having feelings toward my ex.

Bottom line, the person I left, and always wanted to be serious is starting to be--while the person I'm with is being more serious than I can handle with him. I feel so torn it's hard to express and I know I have to choose one or the other. My feelings for my ex have become too hard to ignore, and I also know I don't want to lose or put at risk the stability my current boyfriend represents. It may sound selfish but I can't go on deceiving either of them for this reason. Any advice on how to handle this situation?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • i say love the one you're with. ex's are ex's for a reason. he might do it again after all the sweet talk. your current hasn't done anything wrong. you're not letting him have a chance with your mind wrapped up in your ex. you can still care about your ex, but don't hurt your boyfriend.

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    • Yes I agree just talk to your current boyfriend and tell him to stay serious but ease up a bit

What Guys Said 1

  • u have one who did something wrong and hurt u, and the other who hasn't done anything wrong and by the sounds of it treats you very well, yeah you should stick with your current boyfriend, if he's being to serious for you make him aware of it ask him to tone it down a little, so you should just tell your ex its too late he lost his chance and now uv moved on found someone else

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think you should think carefully. What is this guy your with now missing that your ex has. link

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