Why do many women hate to give as much as men in a new relationship?

When a guy cooks you dinner, bring a bottle of wine. When a guy pays for dinner, cook for him the next time. When a man text you every morning, text him something nice out of the blue. Why do many women fear reciprocating emotions, my ex did and I just found out she was afraid I would lose interest if she did. Why do men have to give more than women, especially at the start of a relationship?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't understand that either and I'm not that way at all. I don't like the games. If a guy is into me and I'm into him too, he knows it, because I show how I feel. I love doing things for a guy I care about. I do the random texting, cooking for them on occasion, bringing them something I found just because I know they'd like it, rubbing their back and shoulders when they've had a hard day. It doesn't really occur to me NOT to do those things, haha, because if I like a guy then those are things I like to do for him, I don't think about it 'coming across wrong' or about playing mind games. I'd actually be pretty uncomfortable if I felt like a guy was only doing things for me, early stages or not.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Personally, I'd say that my partner and I are about equal when it comes to giving.

    But, I would suggest that probably one of the bigger reasons for why some women aren't comes down to traditional gender roles that say that men should pursue women. Women who subscribe to that kind of ideology tend to think that the man should chase her and be going out of his way to do things to win her over, which can translate into her feeling like she doesn't really have to do anything to reciprocate. He should woo her, she just has to be wooed.

    But I think the example of your ex being afraid you'd lose interest if she reciprocated your emotions has to do with the fact that women are told that if they show too much emotion, come on too strong, tell someone they love them too soon, etc. that they'll come across as clingy, desperate, or that they'll scare the guy away (especially due to the stereotype that men are afraid of commitment). There's also the belief that if you show too much interest in someone, it will cause them to lose interest in you (which is why a lot of people will play "games" in this regard). It could also be a protection mechanism if a person has had bad experiences in the past (i.e. if she's been open with her feelings for someone in the past, but ended up getting hurt, she may be less inclined to share those feelings).

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  • I have no idea. I have always given 110% in new relationships. Usually I'm the one cooking AND having the wine there already. Calling or texting first, being an overall good girlfriend.

    I guess it's probably for the same reasons some guys do the same things. Maybe they don't feel as connected to the person, or just aren't seeing the relationship as a long term thing. Some people have no problem jumping onto the next person that comes buy. So maybe it has something to do with that? I have been on your side of the fence too, it sucks!

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  • Let me break this psyche down for you. Women almost need to feel wanted and it has been socially made acceptable and almost expected for the men to Chase the women and romance them and such. It has almost become a tradition. Women do not want to seem desperate, or clingy, or needy. Remember, I am only generalizing.

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    • Good point. Society is a bit hypocritical. Women apparently are equals to us men but they still love to be spoiled when it comes to dating.

  • because for me.. I've gotten hurt so many times because I thought he was interested in me but ended up not.. only that he was just being nice.. so I try to let the guy show more at the beginning so I know he's interested.. basically I'm scared he isn't interested so I wait and try to read the signs if he likes me.. then I make my move... hope I helped

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  • Not all women are like that. But the ones who are usually do it for the reason your ex did. Many guys are uncomfortable with getting emotional and women texting them, so some women have developed a fear of it.

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  • If a woman was to do that she would be considered clingy and desperate.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I have seen this a lot and I am happy to be talking to a girl who doesn't do that crap. She text messages me when she gets the message, within 10 minutes. If she misses the message and doesn't get back to me after a few hours then she apologizes and tells me why she didn't text me back. Another thing I like is when I ask to hangout with her she doesn't cancel. She also helps make plans and sometimes invites me out. She works in the morning and sometimes she messages me when I get up. It's nice to wake up and see she text messages me. Shows she was thinking of me haha

    This girl I met in the summer who became my friend tells me things. When guys text message her she always shows her friends and ask her friends what she should respond with. She also says things like "I already text messaged him, he should be the next one to text me". While I am telling her that if you want to talk to him then just message him... the thing that really ticks me off with her is that when she receives a text she will sometimes wait to reply. She thinks that playing hard to get with make him like her more. Meanwhile I am trying to tell her that hard to get only works if the guy knows you and likes you... you can't and shouldn't play hard to get with a random guy. I told her that I have stopped talking to countless amounts of girls because they never respond or they respond after a day...

    The one thing I try to tell her is that if he likes you then he will never hate you or think your desperate for text messaging him. If he doesn't like you then obviously no matter what you do it won't work out anyways so might as well message him.

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