Should I downplay (or even give up) being a white collar guy to avoid professional daters

I'm a 30 year old, normal hard working guy. Almost a year ago I moved to a different state for a new white collar job that pays well but is very demanding via time. I also run a consulting business on the side so I average around 45 to 65 hours work week sometimes more.. Being a former professional athlete (was a cage fighter) staying in shape is still a huge deal to me. I'm not vain, it's just my pride. I make sure to work out for at least one hour every day. This doesn't include the time I take to ride my bicycle to the local gyms.

So anyway I really have refused to jump right into the "I'm middle aged now ..so lets drink...drink... get a beer gut...laugh...bullsh*t...socialize...and drink some more" mindset that many of my coworkers have. I'm a little antisocial, but for a good reason. I hate the fat corporate, sedentary lifestyle. Everybody acts in denial that they are getting in worse and worse shape and aging faster. I used to think it was just an illusion about getting older. But the movie office space is some ways really true. So with exercise/work life I really don't get out and socialize more than once a week. I decided to turn to online dating (I've had a close friend find his wife on POF).

I am also dismayed to notice that the older and more white collar I get (despite still being in great shape) the more of a magnate I've become for blood sucking, professional dating women who want a nice dinner/attention for one night and nada else (yeah...you guessed...no intimacy). I'm the man, so I pay up even when women offer. Deep down I think it's complete bullsh*t and a disgusting double standard that so called modern women (including hypocritical feminist) still happily embrace. Now than I've become a white collar guy I see some women are looking to gold dig even more. Back when I was doing MMA I had several blue collar buddies who worked respectable (personal trainer, kickboxing instructor, contracting, etc), yet low paying blue collar jobs and had professional white collar women (nurses, teachers, etc) helping them out. Some of these women were pretty attractive too. I was in and out of a lot different girls back then. Can't say there weren't times I wasn't lonely. But at least I had my moments.

I changed my career to use my education and too keep my future in mind. Deep down I really want a wife and kids. But all I run into is freeloading women who want momentary/monetary attention. In the last 6 months I haven't gone further than a kiss and embrace from a few women (no sex). The only girl I did sleep was a little cute blond who didn't know my age (we met in a club too...not online).

I will admit I don't like my job (although it pays well) and miss my old mma lifestyle. I will admit I'm depressed. But I would be more depressed if I was broke. It just feels like I get punished for doing the right thing in life (cause sometimes the right thing is not as glamorous...actually kind of boring).




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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds like you're working out what you really want and how you can get there. Sounds like what a lot of people go through around this age.

    I don't think quitting your job is going to make things easier for you and you definitely shouldn't give it up just because women are trying to get into your pockets. (If you sense that a woman is doing that, and you didn't ask her out and you know it's not going anywhere, you can always take her up on splitting the check.) However, if it's true that you absolutely hate the corporate lifestyle and and are beyond miserable working in an office, that's a very real reason to seriously consider a career change. But are you sure it's the job itself and not the depression talking? If you're sure it's the job, you ought to start thinking of another job you'd like and how you can make it happen.

    I don't mean to offend you, but maybe the reason you're not getting action is because women sense that you're not well? Depression--in the clinical sense, I'm not talking sadness--is serious and people can pick up on it. Most people want to date someone optimistic and easygoing, and a depressed person is usually not. So I'd recommend getting that treated for your own sense of well being, through medication or therapy or through whatever means you prefer, ASAP. The sooner you get that licked the easier everything else is going to be.

    Women like a guy who is successful and many want a husband who can be a provider, so I think the fact that you're a professional making a good living is a good thing. I agree that maybe you could try meeting ladies other places, like the gym or some kind of community group you're part of or something. And get a cute dog and take her on walks; they're chick magnets. Anyway, at least you're a guy and biologically, you have plenty of time to find a wife and have kids. And you will.

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    • yes depression is a big part of it. I had secretly taken psychotherapy 2 years ago. I also was on and off lexapro for a long time. About 5 months ago I decided to quit altogether. I didn't want another chemical in body. But I will admit it did help. In fact I really want to get back on it again, being single during the holiday season is horrible. Nobody in my immediate family is single except me. Now my sibling are older they are bring their bf/gf's family over for Christmas

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    • well she could also use him as a rebound until something better comes along. Alright...sorry to spew that...but that is how my brain/judgement is acting. I'm full of hate, pessimism, anger...not productive. It doesn't accomplish anything. I'm going to talk to a psychotherapist again (secretly of course) Maybe it will help me stop making so many typos too...lol.

    • That sounds like it will be helpful. Best of luck with it.:-)

What Girls Said 3

  • I have a feeling that your online profile could be attracting the wrong type of people. Going by what you are saying, I would imagine your profile screams 'I make a lot of money, and I don't have a lot of time for an intimate relationship'. This is scarring away the types of women you are looking for ' family ordinated, good values, etc), and attracting gold diggers. Am I correct? Maybe have one of your female friends take a look at your profile, and have them give you a honest opionion. Good luck in your search!

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  • so basically u think ur being used if u buy a woman dinner and she doesn't put out?
    but you see no problem with your blue collar friends taking money from their white collar gfs?

    if u find a woman who makes similar to what u make I don't see why there should be a problem.

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  • I am a lot like you. Except I had my son at a young age. I am successful despite things that happened to me. I put off dating until now, my son is in high school. The few dates I have went on ended up being 'dead beat' guys. One 'forgot' his wallet. Another still lived with his parents. Both of them I met online. That's just two examples. I just give up. I'm praying Mister right just comes an knocks on my door lol

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    • Well I haven't put off dating. There have been times here and there were I stayed away from it (really busy at work...or training for fight back in the day). But let me ask you this. Of all those guys who you went on dates with, did they all pay up come the dinner bill (besides the one who forgot his wallet...obviously).

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    • Just wanted to add that there is nothing wrong with being a blue collar man, with a white collar job. I hope you didn't take that as an insult & I hope I help at least a little.

    • My luck turned around a bit a few weeks ago. But as nice as it was to get some girlie action...getting an actual relationship is still tough.

What Guys Said 3

  • Reading your detailed question and considering the worldwide financial crises, inflation, unemployment and bad governance I will recommend that you keep the job. Consider yourself lucky and get over depression. There are many guys who use the old quotation:--"I like the job, it's the work I hate. There are many people who feel that they are underemployed or underpaid. Make a list of your good qualities and this will help you get over depression. You are already a busy guy. How do you get the time to feel depressed. Maybe, around bedtime. For that you have to search for a girl who wants a long term relationship. Consider buying food or drinks as an investment for the future .

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    • you got a good point. The recession hit my old consulting business hard in 2009 (I never depended on fighting for money). I felt extremely bless when I got my new job 10 months ago.

      I get depressed when around my family. I'm the oldest sibling and the only one who is single. My brother is a blue collar guy and lives at home (he's 26) but has never, ever had trouble finding women. Including very attractive young women, some of them have good jobs. I love my bro, but it feels

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    • consider paying $10 subscription to a good online dating site, however make sure that your profile is very detailed and you write down what you want , what type of girl you are looking for. If the dating site matches properly you will get a girl within your required age bracket.

    • Yeah I could try match

  • You're fishing in the wrong lake. Do some Starbucks and supermarket number getting.

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  • Bro.do like we do ,dont discuss work till third date...

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    • work is always a boring subject. But on dates girls ask about it. Maybe I should make up a james bond story.

    • nah bro,play their trick on them ,get her talking about herself,it she plays trick back on You,talk future hopes dreams aspirations ...

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