Is it wrong to set "rules" when you are dating someone?

For example, I'm dating this girl and we are both pretty busy so I told her at 11pm everyday that is OUR time to talk on the phone. If for some reason she busy one day at the time to just text me and let me know. How do you feel about "rules"? I'm thinking whether I should use this when I am dating in the future.

Anyway, I feel like she hasn't been holding up her end of the stick I do have a right to be mad right? Because I feel like at the minimum she can text me saying she busy doing "x". It makes me think she doesn't really care about me.

We have been dating for 2 months and the rule was set in place like 2 weeks ago

Ok people the keyword I'm getting is spontaneous. I guess people don't like the rule idea ( I don't know why but ill accept it). Utimately I'm trying to create structure in the relationships.What would you suggest?

Because I can see in the future a lack of talking will lead to failure of the relatiohship. I did feel like the rule was unique but what should I do to ensure we talk? I need that quality time from the girl I'm talking to else I feel a certain way that's not good.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Did you let her know that is how you feel when she ignores your calls? I mean, maybe she is actually busy when she can't talk... Did you two actually kinda compromise at all, or did you just TELL her? Relationships are more give and take, not tug-of-war.

    On the other side, maybe she really doesn't want to talk. In that case, there's nothing you can do but call it quits. Though I would examine all other possible solutions before the last goodbye. I mean, let her know you care for her... If she does not reciprocate that feeling for you, then you might have to ditch her for someone who cares for you as much as you do for her. Give her a chance, though.

    • No, I suggested it and we then agreed on it. I really like this girl but, like you said, don't feel like it reciprocated. I'm trying to compromise when I came up with that rule but I just feel I'm not that important to her. My brain wants to walk away but my heart doesn't. Its not 11:17pm here where I am and I've gotten no contact from her. I'm giving her until 11:45pm until I call her and if I have to call then I'm going to be disappointer, and further hurt

    • Well, you can't force love. If she won't find the time to talk to you, chances are she might be tired of you. I hate to say that, but if people won't meet you halfway that probably means they don't think it's worth it. Sorry, bud. :/


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • Structure to love or a rship!? That's silly ;p she will grow bored its predictable! What I would suggest is what I said, break the rules let love naturally flow in its course and you will both have fun and let loose without rules especially if someone can't make that 11pm call - then there is no fights or anger. Why not spontaniously surpriseher with a call or cute text every now and then and tell her the 11pm rule is over and that your happyto hear from her whenever she feels like it an if your busy she can reach your voice mail and tell you she misses you!

    Your treating it like an army job or something - it will not last if you act that way - no rules, except for exceptions like cheating etc but that's just mutual respect not rules.

    • check the update... I also wanted to point out that I think having the rule made me feel closer to her because our conversations were more in-depth and surface talk. Basically I just want this relationship to work out

  • I don't think a rule like that is the right way to go about it...sometimes things come up...or maybe there's a time when she meant to call but lost track of time or fell asleep...different possibilities...just try to hang out when you guys have free time and maybe tell her you miss her voice as opposed to saying "we had a rule that you're supposed to be following..." Not sure if you're saying it like that but you get my point...

    • I mean I understand things come up but they don't come up everyday. and no I haven't said anything so far but its kind of bothering me ... it feel like she isn't thinkin about me. but I get the gist of what you are saying

  • I like that. I would have something to look forward to every day. My ex boyfriend and I didn't set official rules, but we would always make time to talk before bed. It's comforting to have a routine and when I had a hard day I always knew that I could talk to him that night.

    • yeahh see this is my intention... its basically like a guranteed time we will talk and have quality US time.

    • I always liked it...

  • NO RULES - don't limit love. Leave things spontanious and flow naturally, how un-exciting to have a schedule for love! Bring back passion, romance, letting go of inhibitions.

    • I guess what I'm trying to do is bring structure to the relationship. What would you suggest?

  • What if she is busy doing something where she can't just pull out her phone and text you?

    • Realistically if she's going to be busy beforehand she can text me earlier. Plus I'm not super strict but that should happen RARELY

    • Show All
    • truely I don't get where you are getting this "controlling" card. We both agreed to it. without the rule I think we would only have a 20 min conversation versus setting aside some time and talking for a hour or hour and half of quality time instead of just a "hi and bye" that will not last

    • She may have agreed to it.. but if she agreed with it, you wouldn't be here crying to us about it...

  • I'm not against all rules, but I don't like this one. It makes talking to you seem like too much of a chore that she has to do every night, and that's not how you want her to think of you.

    • true.. I'm trying to introduce structure though

What Guys Said 1

  • Rules are lame. She thinks you're lame. You are lame.

    • lol I've heard that before. but why would that make me lame? (im not denying it)... really though wouldn't that make her look bad because I'm trying to make it work out. I'm trying to come up with techniques for both of us