Doomed to be the rebound girlfriend?

Ive been dating a guy for 6 months, I thought he was wonderful and we were incrediby well matched, but two months ago he started becoming distant and I found out last week that, although he likes me as a person and finds me attractive, he is still in love with his ex who he broke up with in March. I'm absolutely gutted and have called off our relationship (which he doesn't want to continue anyway). He has admitted that I'm a rebound relationship.

The problem is that this is not the first time this has happened to me - I seem to have fallen into a pattern over the last 4 years of becoming involved with men who are on the rebound and who are never truly 'available'. At first I thought it was just bad luck, but now I think that it can't be as it has happened quite a few times, too many to be coincidence. Surely I must be subconciously attracting these men, instead of men who are emotionally available?

I don't know what to do or how to change this pattern. I wouldn't say that I'm a massively insecure person (no more so than anyone else anyway) so I don't know if its self esteem issue? Perhaps it is and I just don't realize it. I never beg them to stay and I don't think my life will be over if it doesn't work out - I always say that I don't deserve to be 2nd best and walk away with my head held high - but I seem to constantly be the girl that men get with to get over someone else!

I have had a couple of long term relationships (4 yrs, 18 months) in the distant past, but my dating life seems to have turned a (bad) corner, and I Haven't managed to have anything long term for over 4 years. This most recent break up of 6 months long is the longest relationship I've had in that time.

I need some friendly advice on how I can do something about this. Should I go for counselling to get to the root of the issue? I don't even know myself WHAT the issue is & why I'm attracting men that don't want me and attracting relationships into my life that are going nowhere. I need to break the cycle as I DO want a healthy loving partnership with someone that is available and feels the same. I'm starting to lose heart and am really wondering now if this is unachievable for me :-(

I feel very sad at the mo, and am thinking about him a lot (although I won't try & call him as I know it won't change anything and will just make me feel worse).

thanks for listening.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Or just ask the guy on whether he just broke up with someone

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