So I got into a pretty bad fight with the guy I am seeing , like one that could be a relationship ender..and at the moment it is at that awkward stage..He texted me yesterday and it was like a "how are you?" "good.. you?" kind of conversation nothing really to it. But I would like to have a nice talk with him see how he is doing and how he is feeling about the situation. But I am nervous on how to start the convo..any suggestions?
What can I text him?
What Guys Said 2
Be honest. Tell him you are upset about the argument and want to talk because he means allot to you. Use "I feel" statements...like "I felt angry when you did...". Do NOT say things in a tone that sounds like an accusation. Do not keep score..."three months ago, you said..."
Mostly listen...really listen, then paraphrase back to him what you heard. "Sounds like you were frustrated when I did..." Do NOT use such manipulative phrases like "if you REALLY loved me, you would...". He (and you) do what you do because you are individuals, not because you love each other. Do not let him get abusive...name calling or such. If he does, just say, "wow, I see you are upset I do want to work this out; but I'm not going to be called names. I'll call you later or you can call me when you can discuss this without name calling"..then hang up. Same for a for you...if you are getting ready to lose it and say something hurtful, say you need to go...then go.
It us an opportunity to learn about each other and grow stronger. If either of you use insults or manipulations to force the other, you will both end up more upset. When you bring it up, start with a time limit..."I can only talk for 30 minutes because I have GOT to go buy groceries"...that let's you both know that there is "an out", in case things start going downhill.
I once knew a marriage counsellor who would tell his clients, " if you can't fight, you can't get close". He wad speaking about how people WILL disagree, but if they argue unfairly they will not get close.1
Start the conversation by telling he was right about whatever you fought. In any fight the only thing a guy wants to here is that he is correct. Tell him you understand his point of view. Then add to that you point of view about the and put it in a way he can't object. After you show respect to his view, he will return the same. Then you two can come up with compromises and put this behind you.0
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