What advice do I give to a friend who dates new guys constantly?

She doesn't sleep around but when she gets out of a relationship two days later she will be in a new one. She says she feels like a slut but she doesn't dress or act like it she just has a problem turning people down and feeling unwanted. Her parents divorced and I think that is part of it. I try to tell her to just not date any one for two months and you will realize that you don't need to be in a relationship but it doesn't work. What should I tell her?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Hey there,

    You're spot on when you told her that she will realize that she doesn't need to be in a relationship but unfortunately people don't always (99.9%) see themselves the way we them...however awesome we know they are.

    You gotta ask yourself why is your friend constantly choosing to constantly be in a relationship. As you mentioned before she struggles with feeling unwanted, which is the reason why she has a "problem" turning people down. I can tell you know I've met SO many people that do this exact same thing. From what I've learnt there is a core reason behind it...

    My best guess (and please say if I'm totally wrong) is that she believes that in order to fell worthy that she must be wanted by others. The simple fact is that everyone in the world is born worthy of love and they are here for a reason. But some people struggle with having a SENSE of their worthiness, your sense of your worthiness is what you believe is your actual level of worthiness, but it's not... it's just how in tuned you are with you inherent worthiness.

    When someone struggles with their Sense of Worthiness (SoW) they fail to see their "usefulness" as a person so they'll go in a NEVER-ENDING pursuit of what they believe has to happen in order for them to feel worthy. For some this is being different from everyone else, some it is being "perfect" (not possible), some rebel, some a combination of all of these and for some they aim to please (by not saying no to people)...however they do it is mostly so they can hear back from others that they have been noticed. Your friend is always in a relationship because this tells her that she is wanted and therefore worthy.

    But it is also the reason her relationships don't last...As long as she's trying to find a SoW outside of herself instead of realising how awesome she is WITHIN herself then she be constantly taking from her relationship partners and driving them away...My guess is that if you asked her then she'd also say feels "fake" and that she does things not necessarily because she wants to but because it would "please" others.

    So what's the best thing you can say to her? Be yourself...Now what does that actually mean? (kinda a cliche). It means to do what she wants, how she wants, when she wants WITHOUT apology and F@#$ OFF every other opinion of what she should do (that includes this opinion of mine to….let her decide what to do). Be the Ultimate AWESOME friend and back her 100% with whatever she decides to do….. Tell her to simply ask herself 'Is this what I believe is right for me?'. Is it time for her to reclaim herself without the fear of failing the expectations of others that she always lived up to….

    "Life is not about finding the right path…..It's about writing your own path without fear of failing expectations. The path you write IS the right path for you"

    Let me know how it goes...

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    • And I bet the guys she goes out with make her feel heaps special, but they mostly break up with her for some VERY superficial reason (once they've got what THEY wanted) and she's heart broken each time...

      The very best to your friend and I think you're awesome for caring so much bout her.

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    • Best thing is to just be there to support her, whatever she decides even if its something you don't like personally. My mum once told me "Our job as family and friends is not to stop those we love from falling but to pick them up when they do"

    • thats good advice.

  • there is nothing you can do

    she is one of "those" girls

    some guy described it on here and I am going to find it for you

    then you can give me best answer

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