What's with dating more than one person? Is it THAT normal where you live?

I never quite understood it. Where I live (Argentina), when you date a girl, you are just with that one girl. Else you're an a-hole. Now, as far as I know you can date a few without compromising in the US until you decided to be with one. Is that so, or is this a general misconception about the dating system in the US?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay, what I think you mean is "circular dating", that is when you are single. Here is an example. Lisa is single, she gets asked by Bob to go to a movie, she accepts. Another guy, George, asks to go to dinner, and Fred asks to get coffee. She accepts them as well. Since she is single, she is not cheating, she is simply seeing who she gets along with best, who she clicks with, and who she could see herself with. Say, Bob is rude on their date and looks at other woman without being subtle IN FRONT OF HER. George interrupts her constantly and only wants to whine about his life. Fred and her get along perfectly. So then her and Fred go on some more dates, and let's say she gives George another chance on the off chance that he was having a bad day. All of Fred's dates go well, while George's are still awful. Finally, her and Fred decide to be a couple. Now, Lisa will ONLY date Fred, because they went exclusive.

    Now, if you are already exclusive, and you are an announced couple or have an agreement to not date other people and one of the partners in the relationship goes and dates other people, then it is cheating. That is not acceptable.

    There are also open relationships, where the couple is okay with the partner dating other people while being with them. I think those are a little weird.

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    • So it's kind of "test-driving" till you get the right fit, then you go exclusive right. I get it that not every one does it, but it does seem like a not-so-weird practice up there...

      tx for the example, it was very clear.

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    • I'm calm. I pinky promise. But yea, I agree that if you don't tell them it's sneaky. Because if you haven't made it exclusive, have some time the other person may just assume because no other parties have been told of. I agree that if you do not tell, and you string some one along, it is selfish, rude, and sneaky.

    • Well, hopefully the person would not drag them on long enough to have them fall for you. I've had some one "love" me in two weeks. That's just ridiculous. No one "loves" that fast. He didn't even know me- ya know? But I do agree that not telling makes it selfish and sneaky

What Girls Said 13

  • I see nothing wrong with it. If you're not exclusive you can meet anyone else at any time. I'm not gonna tell one guy "oh I can't go out with you because I went on 3 dates with x". Dating is to find out who is compatible for you. You can't find the most compatible person if you only have one option.

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    • ah, so it's more like a "searching for the right person" type of thing, even if it involves sex?

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    • Tx for your input...it's getting clearer though still confusing. We're kind of monogamous even for dating down here.

    • So if you asked a girl to go on a date with you, and both of you went to dinner and a movie...that would mean you're now exclusive?

  • Yea some people think that's ok... I personally, can't have a bunch of guys on my mind at once, when I like a guy he's the only one I think about...

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    • just wondering... OK maybe for coffee dates to get to know people its fine.. but what if you make out with one of them or two? Is that still ok? What if these guys start buying you gifts or splurging money on you to win your heart? how long is too long to be dating multiple guys?

  • I know what you mean.

    Where I live, I would say it's not that normal no...people might be attracted to many people but they don't go and date them all at once that much. I am unusual I think, I stay faithful to someone even if we're not together.

    That being said though, my friend's father is going through a divorce at the moment. His wife left him for someone else, and she now lives with that man. They are not divorced yet, but the father is dating 4 women at once... I don't understand it, he's not even divorced.

    I think people are just oblivious to other peoples feelings. His father will tell you "well my wife is doing it, why shouldn't I? don't I have a right to find someone that will make me happy" but I see it as selfish and stupid. If he really loved his wife, it wouldn't of taken him a week to start dating others...

    Perhaps people have just lost the point and idea of love?

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  • i don't date, but people I know who do. date multiple guys or girls at once. you are only a jerk -guy or girl-if you are not honest about it in the beginning, or along the way--, imo. if you are above board the person has the information to decide they want to leave you. if you do not tell them, they would be dating a person who was dating other people without knowing. that is unethical. ESPECIALLY, if sex is involved.

    i don't date because there's too much drama & games involved. I don't like titles. it gives the illusion of something that is not there. and people use it as an excuse to f*** around. emotionally, physically, intellectual. its like OK you're my boyfriend, girlfriend, now, so I can be obnoxious& we can 'work' it out. they develop behavior that would be unacceptable if you were still just together because you like each other. don't think bf/ girlfriend give a greater sense of closeness. I think it just gives a greater sense of ownership, which usually means hypocrisy.

    if I like someone& they like me, then we will WANT to spend time together& we will care & respect each other because we do., not because we feel obligated to. & if he needs to think he's my boyfriend, in order not to f*** other people., then id just as soon not deal with him. I think how you feel about someone should be enough. unless your in a relationship, just because you want one-nt because you like the guy or girl. and that's not a relationship I want to be in. I'm not a warden. I don't want a prisoner.

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    • First of all, thanks for the long answer, I appreciate those as well. Just curious now: when you say dating gives you the illusion of something that is not there, what do you mean? The question after that would be, when does "dating" changes into full-time relationship? As far as I know, the only way to get into a RL is to date...but then that's where I get lost with t he multiple-dating system. It's kind of as you said, kind of not right, maybe unethical at a certain point.

    • i think its all the same concept,changed very little- if at all except artificially-by changing the title.

      we you and i, spend time together until we don't want to anymore. it doesn't matter what you call it. whenever one or both of you is done. its over. & if you ned a title to not sleep around, then you don't actually want to be exclusive. you would just do it because you feel obligated.

      when I'm with someone-i know we are together because of how we feel- it wouldn't change anything to all it a relationship.

  • I think people do it because they want to test the waters and see what's best for them. I don't do it because I think it's messed up if one of the people you're dating is getting feelings for you. It's kind of disrespectful and inconsiderate to be kissing, cuddling, and dating someone else. I wouldn't want to be dating someone and they're dating a bunch of other girls. I just don't think that's cool at all.

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    • Tx for the answer freetobe007

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    • I think having the mental space to focus on that one individual and understand who they are and why they are the way they are is actually a more effective way of seeing if they're correct for you. I don't know about others, but when I'm interested in a guy, I like to get to know him on a very deep level. This means spending a lot of time with him and getting a lot of insight into his soul. I can't focus on doing that if there are one or two other guys in my life that I'm considering as well.

    • Tx for the answer :)

  • I come from a culture where people don't really date someone they're not going to marry, so I kind of know what you mean, but we go on "dates" with each other. But its nothing serious.

    I think, if you're in a serious relationship, you don't date several other girls. If you do, its call cheating, and its wrong. If you're not seriously seeing someone, why can't you just have fun with a couple of different guys?

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  • ummm I don't know anyone what dates more than one person.

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  • yeah I think that's strange too...doesn't happen in my country unless you re a douchebag.

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  • I totally agree with you, man! I think dating should be one-on-one. :D

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  • IF they agree to it. If they want to be exclusive and you do not, it's time to break up. (or vice versa). Usually, people date other people during the first stages of a relationship...especially before there is sexual activity involved, but stop seeing other people when things get more serious and you start seeing each other more frequently and/or escalate the emotional/physical level of intimacy.

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  • This concept was foreign to me as well, took me a while to absorb. In America, dating is like job interviews. After a few weeks or X amount of time, you decide if you want to go further with that person or decide he/she is not for you. Once you get into a relationship, that's like accepting a job. I know it sounds messy but it's actually a good process in finding a best match for you. You get comparisons at the same time and save a lot of time by not spending too much time on a person who may not be a good match for you.

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    • Sounds too much like a process if you ask me, sounds too cold and non-personal when it actually is, but I think it was one of the most clear answers so far. Thanks :)

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    • I personally am not into dating multiple men at once. At the most, I'll go out to dinners with two different guys. But after seeing each other about 2 or 3 times, I have a good idea of whom I get along with the best. So, that's when I choose. On another note, I lived in Buenos Aires when I was younger, the men there are such gentlemen! I also loved the mom and pop shops. I miss a lot of things there...except for the economy.

    • Thanks God economy is not everything for us. Else, this would be a devastated country. Back to dating...thanks for all the answers, I really appreciate it.

  • I totally agree! This generation has just become really skanky! I don't think it's okay at all to date more than one person at a time. But a lot of people do it because they want to be free to get sex and sexual favors from whoever they want or they SELFISHLY want to be able to date any person that they'd want to. I think it's disgustingly selfish and totally unfair. I never date more than one person at a time just for the sake of having integrity, tact, and consideration!

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    • I think you misunderstood his question. Read some other peoples answers. ha.

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    • *don't have

  • I live in the U.S., and it seems pretty normal to me. I don't really date so much though and it's usually just one person at a time.

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    • but would you be OK with a guy dating you and other girls? or do you go "exclusive?"

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    • So you wouldn't be jealous at all, or fill you're being "tested"? You know "this one is cool, but the other one is better"?

    • No, I wouldn't be jealous. The way I'm going to get pissed if some girl steals my bf.

What Guys Said 4

  • Depends, I think it's normally acceptable until yall are in a monogamous relationship obv then it's cheating...

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  • No es la verdad. En los EEUU se prohibe tambien. Si lo haces, eres un pendejo, why las muchachas les van a enfadar.

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  • Lol dude sorry to say this, but you can't compare Argentinian women to USA women. I've been there and they have so much class, it's not even funny. Don't even bother with American women dude, stay where you are. The only reason I put up with it is because I live here.

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    • Ah, it seems you knew some fine women here Moloch, but they are not the only ones, we have all the types of them. Still, I don't think I know of any of them that would accept multiple dating.

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    • Of course you can compare cultures, that's the only way to figure out differences. That's not the point though, it has to do more with figuring out how multiple dating works.

    • LOL okay, whatever you say.

  • You're only exclusive once you've had a conversation and both parties agree to be exclusive. Prior to that there is no expectation or obligation of exclusivity.

    If I ask a girl out on a date, it doesn't make her my exclusive girlfriend. Similarly, if she accepts it doesn't mean she can't be dating other guys. It SHOULD mean that neither of us has an exlcusive arrangement with anyone else, but that's about it.

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    • and that's normal there it seems...

    • So you're telling me it's normal to basically act like you're a committed couple on a first date where you are? The whole point of a first date is to get to know someone. How are you supposed to make some big committment before you've even been on a date?

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