Online dating question (it works in real life too)?

I have recently joined an online dating website (I know, I know - go ahead and roll your eyes) and I've noticed a lot of the girls on there have headlines like"looking for a good guy", " where have all the good ones gone", "tired of creepers", etc. About 85% + of their profiles state that they are not looking for a FWB, hook up,one night stand, etc. - Understandable, all of this.

I have stated bluntly in my profile that I am looking for a relationship and not into one night stands. I have messaged a few girls but no reply. The message I send them is more than a "hey what's up?" or a "how are you?" message. I comment on things that are in their profile (mutual interests, movies, books, etc.). Sometimes I comment on looks - a shirt they are wearing, nice eyes, etc.

I never get replies. It seems as if I am meeting whatever requirements they bluntly say they are looking for but have no interest. I feel as if they say one thing and look for another. Girls in real life are like this too only they don't have a paragraph taped to them that is open for anyone to read. NOT ALL GIRLS ARE LIKE THIS! (Sorry I had to all caps that it emphasize that before I get pissy comments about that.

Girls - why are girls like that? (not saying that you are like that)


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, maybe they just are not seriously looking. I know online dating can be tough, I have been doing it for over 6 years now :P On and off of course, as I found relationships along the way. You just have to keep trying.

    There are some guys on dating sites that will say they are looking for something serious and don't like FWB's or random hook ups, but they are just trying to bait a girl because they known that most girls are not looking for that. I had that, and it sucks. The guy basically fed me this story and then I met him, hung out with him a few times and when he realized that I wasn't going to go along with his plan of me hooking up with him, he started to get verbally abusive, and I had to endure his wrath even though he was the one who lied about his expectations.

    This can make girls wary because there are idiots out there who are a wolf in sheep's clothing. So it takes some work, plus there are people on there who set up a profile, and then forget about it or are dating someone and don't take it down.

    The only thing you can do is keep trying. I know I know, it's frustrating. And you are right, not all girls do this. I had to message my fair share of guys, took me 8 months to find my boyfriend on a dating site! So I have totally been in your shoes. It is frustrating, especially when you send out a bunch of thoughtful messages and get no replies. That is why a lot of people claim online dating doesn't work. But I have had two long term bf's through online dating and met many great people along the way.

    Some people are also just on there to troll. I can't even describe some of the things that were sent to me while I was doing online dating. This one 42 year old man sent me a very explicit message, which I did not reply to, but it was really creepy.

    Plus some girls are just plain flaky, which seems to be one explanation as to why you are not getting responses. Maybe they are afraid to message you, who knows why. Some girls do not have confidence or are scared to message a guy for fear he won't be who he claims to be online. It's a valid fear, but then they really should be realizing that they are not ready for online dating yet and to only do it when they are absolutely ready.

    *******Again, try, try and keep on trying. Someone is bound to reply to you! Or maybe even a girl will message you first! Maybe change the headline. Many guys put "I'm one of the good guys" or something to that effect on there. Think up something more unique or witty like "Candle lit dinner for two awaits you" or "Actively seeking travel companion, inquire within ;)" Stuff like that stands out and will hopefully gain you some messages! Good luck! *****************************************

    • Sorry I wrote so much :S But the last paragraph I think is very important, even if you don't read the rest. Sometimes changing the headline helps increase traffic to your profile big time. I used to change my headline every two weeks, and also add updated pictures, and change my 'about me' at least once every couple of months. Excessive? Maybe, but it worked!


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What Girls Said 2

  • What site are you on? OkCupid worked for me. I'm right there with you in the shameful boat. I hate admitting that I met my soul mate online ;)

    • Plenty of Fish. I am not going to go to eHarmony or Match because I don't want to pay to use it.

    • Totally get ya. okcupid.come is free, by the way. Hope everything goes well :)

  • I've often wondered if these work too :/


What Guys Said 5

  • Girls get a lot of messages, and ignore most. If you are sending 'a few' messages, its not enough. You need to be sending dozens.

    If dozens are not getting any feedback, your profile is not good enough.

    I wonder if you are overplaying the 'I'm looking for a relationship' card in your profile.

    Most women want to be able to have sex whenever they feel like it. So they say they are 'tired of guys who are creeps' i.,e. guys who expect sex. They are tired of them because they have 'accidentally' had a bunch of one night stands. They aren't looking for that right now... probably. At least, not a guy who expects sex immediately. On the other hand, your profile makes them feel like they're a slut and you're a prude. What they'd like is a cool guy who is not a creep who is relaxed about sex. If they feel like not having sex right away, he's just fun to be with, and if they feel like having sex, he's cool with that too.

  • Women are like that because what they want is irrelevant. It's all about how they feel. In theory anyway. In reality its more a combination of what you can provide and how you make them feel.

  • Girls get a lot of messages and most are crap. So one can get tired and frustrated of weeding through them. So a good one is easily overlooked.

    How do I know? I met my girlfriend online. And asked her.

  • Not replying is very common on dating websites, and you know girls are never serious when they say they want a good man.

    • My point is why even try to play the "I want a nice guy" card. Just say "I'm looking for a guy that will use me and treat me like sh*t". At least you're being honest...

    • Show All
    • Very true.

    • Yeah, I've had multiple girls tell me how I'm such a great guy, but I've had little success. So I decided to follow that song "what the hell" lol, and I literally had tons better success. Like, I went out with this girl I adored, was respectful and noble, didn't even go for a kiss because it didn't feel like the right moment, and she dumped me. Next girl, I pushed it and we ended up having sex first date, lol.

  • You also have to think that they're probably getting several dozen messages from other guys as well.

    If anything it helps us weed out girls who aren't interested right off the bat.