What is the deal with this text message convo from my boyfriend and another girl?

So I had a little thing nudging me to check my boyfriends phone. Since I had no reason to because he hasn't been acting suspicious or nothing, I relaxingly asked me if he would show me his phone. He just handed it over and then asked why. I said I want to see your text messages. There was nothing incriminating BUT just one Thread. A girl name Ciara, his co worker. They texted about work and school. She gave him news on what was going on at school and such. She covered for him one day at work when I made plans to take him to a concert. he texted thanking her she asked how it was and he replied saying it was awesome and that "we should go to one next time" she just repleid hahahaha. Then in days to come she talked about school and work and he scarstically said well ill let you go I'm sure you have to run and tell your BOYFRIEND. She never replied back... But what got to me is this convo: You let me knwo how you would react; (Keep in mind they work together and go to school together also)

He says: "Hey! Why didn't you come see today?"

Her: "How did you know I was there?"

Him: "I smelled you!"

Her: " Sorry, I had dinner plans and had to run :("

Him: " Okay well Ill take a rain check and we can we can meet up some other time"

Her: "GUESS what?!? I just got in an accident for texting you! Thank god the guys was nice and he let me go :)"

Him: 8( oops I'm sorry

Her: "ITs okay glad it was nothing major"

That was the last thing she texted. I asked him what the heck was the deal with "I smelled you?! and saying we can meet up someother time? he said ntohing is going on and that he would even introduce me to her. He said she wears so much perfume so its hard not to miss her and that the meeting up part was for them hanging out for lunch or something. He said that was it. I let it go and asked that I hoped he was telling the truth and that I hope he wasn't lying. The next day I checked his phone again and he had deleted his text messaging thread with her. Why would he do that if I had already seen it? I feel like he likes her and flirts with her. Everyone at his work knows me and knows he has a girlfriend. so what's the f***en deal here?

Updates:
Thanks to all for your HARSH yet helpful advice: But you are right I have to learn to trust the guy. He has done nothing. Due to my past relationship, who cheated, I have become a bit more paranoid at the fear that it might happen again, BUT I do undestand that not all people are the same and I DO agree that if my behavior continues I will probably more than likely ruin a relatiohsip that is actually pretty sweet. Thanks again guys :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He's playing you, pure and simple.

    But what you need to think about is why you were curious enough to want to do that; I guarantee there was some small reason (and just learn from it)

    The obvious thing to do is move on. I reeeaaallllly hope this is a no-brainer :}

    seriously...don't try to rationalize HIS bull$hit so YOU can buy...you'll just end up being that crazy cat lady who walks around with umbrellas on sunny days.

    Flirting is one thing- (the only people that DON'T flirt to some degree...is a friggin hermit); but uhh text-flirting... that's pretty out there, if your considered a couple.

    Unless they were meeting up to smoke pot or something...lol That's pretty much the only reason that might make that even resemble something appropriate.

    I dated a girl that did that kinda stuff. The whole incognegro flirting on texts, and the workplace flirting, etc.

    and guess what? she was the biggest liar I have ever known, and she was cheating on me the whole time. lol, I was supppeeeer green and naive

    =

    learning experience =]

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    • He is playing her, just by talking to someone else? I disagree.

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    • How the hell is saying I smelled you a flirting move. I may just be another guy, but I agree with not just another guy. Deal with the fact he's allowed to have female friends.

    • Really best answer? I disagree with this..

      I did not get that he was playing you from what the text messages said. Give the guy a break..

What Guys Said 8

  • he has wondering eyes and is testing the water, you basically have a choice, break up or do something about it, because he is flirting here and if it goes on for much longer, you will see a change in him, because it would of gone further, because yes, that I can smell you is flirting, and not innocently either, good luck,x

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    • Thanks! I feel the same way. The next day after he got busted. He texted me how much he love me and was lucky to have me in his life. Now I don't believe when he says things like this because I feel that he's doing it out of guilt

    • you sound very mature, I would trust those instincts if I was you, good luck,x

  • Don't read your BF's text. Either trust him or don't truat him but you will misinterpret his texts and get all paranoid. Be secure in your relationship with him or leave, but don't be "that" girl.

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    • Telling a girl to not be "that" girl is a bit harsh. Have you ever had a gut feeling? That was what she had, and she asked her boyfriend before she did it. Sounds like a mutual decision to me. She wanted to know what you thought of the texts, not what you thought about her checking his texts.

    • i agree with you totally. one up for you(:

  • You clearly suck! If he is cheating then he will go away regardless.Why are you bothered about checking his phone and stuff?

    Let the man be happy and cheat or do whatever side business he got going.

    Stop being paranoid.Definitely you are not giving him something that's why he is trying to get that thing from some other girl.Just think about it.

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    • Not true, sometimes cheaters stick around just keep playing the same girl over and over.

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    • #1) We don't know that if the guy in the question is cheater or not.But she is definitely being paranoid about it by looking at his phone and posting this question on here.

      #2) Just like some cheaters stick around play the same girl same way some girls are paranoid about getting cheated on.

    • To all the folks who down rated my answer please go and read Question Asker's update.Boo Yaa in your face.

  • The cool thing about GAG it's a bit like being a jury in a court case.

    Almighty GaG is going to decide the fate of accused boyfriend by majority vote and then juge(a.k.a thread poster) is going to put down the sentencing.

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  • I'm carelessly sexual with all the women I meet. It's just part of my personality. I don't think your situation is a problem but you like all people here, seem to have BA'd the opinion that best formulates what was hinted in your mind so I guess you're already set on a decision.

    Good luck with the next one, I guess.

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  • Well from what you've written, I deduce:

    - he has an accomplice. They are covering for each other, and having fun about it

    - it bothered you to know they had a special relationship (not meaning cheating) so he removed the texts from his phone.

    - you shouldn't ask to read his phone. Trust him or not, but don't ask him to "empty his pockets" in front of you

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  • Sounds like he was flirting and he is probably that kind of guy. Hard to tell if he will take it to the next level. I personally don't get interested in women that put themselves out there like that.

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  • How long have you been dating?

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    • 2 years. We were off and on for t he first year.

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    • Wow... "He's been texting me all morning and I haven't texted back. I don't have the desire to anymore. Or wish to" So this isn't about him possibly cheating.. this is about you wanting someone else and trying to find a scapegoat. Leave him before you waste more of his life, love and time.

    • how long have you's been dating for and if he does that dump him becuase he is probley cheating on you for another chick

What Girls Said 21

  • Not trying to hold any of your previous questions against you, but from your other questions, you are scared and insecure to lose him. Yeah, that is fine, EXCEPT you show him that.

    Guys get turned off by their girlfriends when they are always insecure or questioning them. Or, looking through their phone and such. They think you are not comfortable in your own skin and cannot live without them. He could like her..It sounds like he is starting to like her =( But, you can change this! If you just listen. You need to stop showing him how insecure you are. You need to embrace your beautiful self and make your own self happy. Cherish the time you have with him. And, realize this, if he is going to cheat, he will cheat, and there is NOTHING you can do about it. I realized this just recently which has helped me out in my own happiness.

    I think you need to work on being independent and not needing him to be happy. From there, you will not worry so much about what he is doing with other girls.

    Yes, what your boyfriend did would make me upset. I am thankful because my boyfriend doesn't really have 'girl' friends. He has acquaintances, but we have both known through experience, that they go farther than that. It seems to help us.

    I really do wish you the best. And, I have been there. And, it was a horrible stage in life to be. I was so unhappy. Realize that you are beautiful and if you aren't good enough for him, the hell with him!

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  • Kinda sketchy. But it doesn't seem like anything to worry about, at least he was honest with you. Guys can be friends with girls sometimes, especially if they work together and get along well. And he offered to introduce you to her.

    I feel like he's just being friendly, but I'd probably be a little worried too. But he hasn't given you any reason not to trust him yet (I assume, since nothing else was mentioned), so I say try giving him the benefit of the doubt.

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    • yea I haven't said anything else becasue there hasn't been anything else beside the text messages. I told him I will trust him until he gives me reason not to. I gave the benefit of the doubt but ill see what happens. I just don't want him to lie or cheat. I would be heartbroken </3

    • It is definitely hard, but it's the risk we take getting into a relationship. If he's a good guy he won't cheat on you, and if he's not, you're better off without him anyway.

    • thats obivious. lol thanks.

  • He willingly handed you over his phone, he talked to you about the messages AND he offered to introduce the two of you. That doesn't sound like the things a guilty person would do, if you ask me. If you are uncomfortable take him up on his offer and meet her, see how they act around each other in person. I don't think he would have so willingly handed over his phone if he had something to hide.

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  • I don´t think you should worry about it. The texts seem innocent. I text allot with one of my guy friends that I study and occasionally work with and he has a serious girlfriend. Our texts are sometimes just school and work related but sometimes they are more personal or even flirty but that dosen´t mean he´s cheating with me. I know his girlfriend now and she dosen´t have a problem with it.

    Since he didn´t mind you reading his texts there's is probably nothing going on. Maybe he deleted the thread because he saw that it annoyed you. Allot of guys are flirty but still faithfull, its just their personality. :)

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  • I think you might be reading into it a little too much. I think some guys just can't help but be flirty and overly nice toward girls, and that might sometimes come across as too much for you, despite the fact that his intentions may just be purely innocent.

    All I know is the last thing you want is to become controlling and jealous, that will just push him away. Those texts don't sound bad at all, they sound perfectly innocent, not to mention he handed his phone over to you despite the fact he knew you were going to go through his messages. Would he have done that if he had something to hide?

    As eiffelgirl said, there is nothing you can do to stop a guy from cheating, you just have to make sure you don't become someone he wants to get away from.

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  • well...you need to like idk...cuz I don't even let my boiifriend text another girl let alone see another girl...but I do this so this kind of situation doesn't happen to me but just let him know if you don't want him to text to other girls or to even talk to other girls let him know so this don't happen again...dont ask to let you see his phone...because he now know that you would check his phone and he will earase some text messages ... just get his phone and check it...dont ask for permition that's what I do...if I find a girls name or anything that inclouds a girlk that's not me on his phone I would just tell him straight up wats happening I wouldn't want him to be doing that sh*t to me...us girls can't trust guys...

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    • Im not like that either. I don;t want to be in a CONTROLLING relationship. It's natuaral to have male/female friends. But I don't agree with the texting or "flirtexting" That is not cool to me. I want him to feel that he can be himself and talk to who ever he wants as long as he's not being direspectful to me our to our relatiohsip.im torn. I don't want to be in a relationship with all these restrictions I just want him to set his boundaries.

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    • I can see why she doesn't..Me and my boyfriend have an understanding almost like we both feel the same about having friends of the opposite genders..that is why everyone is different!

    • Still she has no authority to allow or disallow it.

  • I don't think it is anything serious. If it were he wouldn't leave her text on the phone. So he is probably just friends with her. They do work together as well as go to school together. And the part about him smelling her he more than likely was telling the truth aboit her wearing too much perfume. I run into those kind of girls a lot. And I am thinking maybe he meant the four of you should go to the next concert together. Meaning you him her and her boyfriend. Or there is an inside joke about the band you went to see. Maybe she hates them and he was joking with her. I don't think you should really worry about it. Youshould meet her and that will probably make you feel better. Good luck and try not to stress about it. I believe you have nothing to worry about.

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    • You know thanks! I haven't thought about it like that. This whole time I was thinking he's into her. But he is a bit sarcastic so maybe there is an inside thing that they have joked about and I don't udnerstand. You're right if he had something to hide he wouldn't have showed me the phone or just deleted the messages.

  • I just went though the same thing last week with my boyfriend. His messages were similar in that they weren't that bad but slightly flirtatious. I'm really jealous too so I got mad but he claims it meant nothing and he didn't know it was something that would bother me since he claims that his intentions were merely friendly. I told him that I thought it was inappropriate and actually freaked out a bit which definitely didn't help the situation. Now that he knows that it bothers me, hopefully he doesn't do it again but honestly I think it's wrong and disrespectful. I'm giving it a chance because he's a great guy otherwise but I know for a fact that there are guys out there that know better.

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    • im the same way. he great now and our relationship hasn't been this great! but now that its out in open about what I think is acceptable we can move on. I will no longer grab his phone or questions him unless I have real evidence more than just a feeling! lol

  • i'd be suspicious if I were you

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  • It depends. The guy who flirted with me heavily has a girlfriend but never talked about her. He then started being touchy then kissed my. So I would keep an eye or make a decission. His action could lead to something...

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  • he smelled her? uhhh weirdd. its a bit too friendly to me

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    • exactly what I said! I was like wtf do you mean you smelled her! he laughed and said I was psycho

  • In addition, trust is not there. If he is as close to this girl, you would know of her.

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  • Break up with him, he's cheating on you.

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  • I feel bad for you. It seems like your boyfriend is cheating on you. I guess she's prioritizing that girl instead you. Break him up! If he do follow you means he really loves you and if not, surely you know the reason behind.

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  • if you don't mind me asking, what ended up happening after this situation with your boyfriend? I'm in a similar one now and would love to know the outcome... I need to know whether I'm being paranoid lol

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  • If you are secure in yourself and your relationship with this person you can choose to overlook this.

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  • even if its not directly cheating, this guy is still not committed to you all the way and has wandering eyes for something better he's not in love with you otherwise he wouldn't initiate the conversation with another girl who shouldn't matter. and if he wasn't guilty he wouldn't have deleted the thread on his phone.

    i think you should break up with him, I would if I were in your shoes, I know it sounds harsh because he didn't sleep with her or anything, but thinking logically, he is taking baby steps to losing interest in you. otherwise he wouldn't care about texting other girls. its better to do it now then to let it carry it on and get your heart broken over and over again.

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  • Perhaps they`re just friends and nothing more and maybe your just assuming things

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    • I did talk to him calmly and straightforward. That's when he mentioned I could meet her and that he promised nothing was going on. He said I could meet her at anytime.

    • exactly there you go! if he was hiding something he wouldn`t let you see his phone or tell you that you can meet her!

  • I went through the same EXACT thing with my ex.

    He was having a "fishy" conversation with one of his friends, and when I told him I was a little annoyed about it, he just deleted it. Later on, I learned that he kept talking to her that way AND WORSE but kept deleting them so I wouldn't see them.

    The lesson I learned is this : it bothers YOU. That's all that matters. That, and a guy who tries to hide something definitely will hide something more. My ex also did the whole "i love you" thing out of guilt. Seriously, it's the same story.

    I suggest you find a guy who can set the boundaries to himself, without having a girlfriend to have to run after him and keep an eye on him. That's the worst thing in a relationship. I hate having to tell him what to do and what not to do. I'd rather he just knew on his own what's acceptable.

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  • I think you're overreacting, this isn't even bad.

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    • You don't think so? He keeps dropping these hints that he wants to hang out with her...I was upset but didn't yell at him or give him an ultimatum either. I was adult about it. Talking and expressing how the situation made me feel. Can you please explain your point of view?

    • I completely understand though because I'm the jealous type, and you're right it can go both ways. But don't immediately assume that he's cheating if je wangs to hang out with her, it's possible that she may be just a friend, but do take precautions if you really feel like there's something going on between them

  • definitely testing his boundaries.

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    • Right?!?!? What the hell, I was fuming and he was like nothing is going on your crzy. Just meet her and you'll see he said. We talked about trust that night before going to bed and he seems OK. but I'm not.

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