What should I do? I can't lead two guys on.

Recently me and my boyfriend have been having a lot of fights and went on a break. During the break I went to a party with my friend and her cousin (which has a crush on me) The party was great and afterward we went back to the cousins house to watch a movie. He had been flirtsy all day and all night and we fell asleep on each other. In the morning he laid down next to me and cuddled me in his arms... and eventually we began kissing. Ever since then my friends cousin has been wanting to hang out and we have been.. the problem is I have had to lie to my somewhat clingy boyfriend to hang with anyone without him and this time is no different. For the past few weeks after my boyfriend and I have gotten back together I still have found myself hanging with my friends cousin. I feel terrible but at the same time I really like both of them. My boyfriend has been there for 3 and a half years but is used to hanging out everyday and is clingy... while my friends cousin is more of a free spirit , wants to ask me out but does a lot of questionable things.. and I'm not sure he would be there for me like my current boyfriend is. I feel comfortable with my current boyfriend but he has changed a lot and all we do is sit at his mothers house most nights and watch tv. I don't know what to do.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds to me like you've been with your Boyfriend for too long from a too-early age. You still crave that "new boyfriend" excitement (kind of like "new car smell") that you don't get from your 3.5 year old relationship. You tried to settle down too early, and now you feel like you're stuck in a rut and you want excitement again.

    Well, it comes down to this: you have to choose what's really important to you, and you can't have both. If you try, you'll end up with neither.

    Your Boyfriend has a track record of being there for you, but there is no danger there, so you don't feel that rush of excitement. That's real life, though. In real life, there are no castles in the clouds and "happily ever after."

    The cousin is fun because he's new and because he's a Bad Boy. Bad Boys are fun and exciting, but the thing about them is that they are BAD. He'll hurt you sooner or later, because one of the things that makes Bad Boys bad is that they care about themselves more than anyone else. It's easy to be addicted to the fun and excitement that always happens early on, but soon you'll wish he would calm down and straighten up and be steady and reliable for you, but he never will, because that's not what Bad Boys are.

    What you need to figure out, more than anything, is if you are really ready to settle down, or if you haven't gotten the fun and danger out of your system yet. I'm guessing, by your age, and the fact that you've been in this relationship for so long, that you haven't had all your fun yet, and you should probably break up with your guy and go have a few more wild years before you try to settle down again. But it's up to you, and only you, to really make that decision.


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What Guys Said 4

  • Time will decide for you - you have nothing to do but wait. Relax, enjoy. Keep looking around! When the right guy comes along there won't be any of this silly thinking about it - you'll be completely on cloud 9

  • Ooh, textbook case of Reliable and boring, Risky and exciting.

    You're already leaning on the latter one as you've already kissed him. Basically you're living a lie of a relationship with the first. If I was the guy, I'd much rather have the truth out so I could dump you.

  • I would either break up with him or stop cheating on him an lying about it. Make a decision, you can't make both happy but you owe it to yourself and them to be a mature adult and make a decision and live with it.

  • well its no good to lead two guys on

    you obviously have to pick which one

    either your boyfriend has to change or accept your boyfriend with way he is or

    be with your friends cousin


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