I'd really like to keep this relationship going, but need some advice.

So this girl and I have been talking since the middle of November. It started out with me having no intention of dating her because she was with her then boyfriend. I always noticed she had an attraction towards me because I would catch her looking at me and when I did she would blush crazily and get this big smile on her face. She had initiated everything. She friend requested me on fb and started our first conversation. Luckily, I found out we both had a lot in common. We talked all Thanksgiving break and things were going south with her boyfriend. To give you some small details about him, he treats her terribly and I think there is some possible abuse like donkey punches and she has even told me she wants to feel wanted but he never gives her that and always puts her down. At this time, he told her he wanted to to see this other girl who he said "was much better than her." They mutually broke up. I gave her some space to deal with it and she got back to me, but the ex boyfriend was still in the picture. We continued talking, making time for each other and I got her to the point where she said she got really comfortable with me really fast and even said I love you. Things were going great up until two weeks ago. She disappeared for a week because her parents took her phone haha. I had previously sent her an early good morning text and I hope she has a great day and got a reply of :):):):) good morning :):):) you're up early and I replied after my run I texted back got no reply. So I called left a message no reply so I just waited. the week went by and she finally got back to me when I was a little upset over it and said good morning got my phone back I'm sorry for falling off the earth for so long I hope you can find it in you to forgive me. so I said as long as we can try to start where we left off. well that went well or so I thought. we talked a little more and she disappeared again for two days this time. I was was like wth? so I sent a text saying you know its not very nice to fall off the earth come back and ask for apologies and get it and then disappear again and ignore me. so here we are now she told me she was confused about her ex and i. she still loves her ex and cares for him but she said "my brain chose you, I love you, you're amazing, but you deserve someone better than me" and then some side note of her ex :P so instead of continuing this over text I asked if we could do it in person she said yes and we have a time for tomorrow. Now I have some ideas of what to say but id really like to keep this relationship going, but need some advice.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Every girl is confused after a break up. Part of the girl wants to move on and part would normally miss what they used to have. Its normal. She just needs some time by herself. Make sure your not her recovery boyfriend as that's never good. Be romantic with her and she will come straight into your arms. It doesn't help she keeps falling off the earth,but I guess a realtionship is based on trust. Just to say if you really have feelings for her make sure you get her! After her previous boyfriend she probably wants to be loved and payed a lot of attention.

    Hope this helped

    Good Luck!

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What Guys Said 1

  • So she has this messy situation and comes to you as a sort of confidant. It seems the prospects are good that you could end up being her next relationship. But part of me says to proceed with caution. When it comes to girls who end up with bad guys, things are not always as they seem. I know this is going to draw negative comments, so before all the ladies jump on me, I’m just pointing out one possible scenario based on the fact she hasn’t completely wiped him from her life. Not all, but some girls with “bad” guys actually do things to drive the guy to the end of his rope. She may have been conditioned that way by some prior messed up relationship, but once there, it can be hard to break the pattern. On the positive side, the girl in question is young and I would hope she hasn’t had time to get dragged down that rabbit hole. So not trying to scare you, but be alert. “You deserve better” can mean I’m messed up (damaged goods). “I want to feel wanted” can mean I need to be the center of his world 24/7. Or she may also say “I’m a lot of work - but I’m worth it, if you are up to it or if you can handle it”. That can translate to: It’s not going to be easy and I’m going to test your limits before I’m through.

    You like her and it will be tempting to rescue her, but I would go into this watching to see what she proposes. Is she negotiating with you, getting you to say or agree to something before she will flush this guy? Is what she needs some kind of hint or assurance as to what treatment she deserves? Does she dwell on how he treats her and whether he does or doesn’t love her? Is she using him to play on your sympathy? All relationships demand some level of (physical, time, emotions) - and some more than others. But the one to watch out for will be inordinate – all you can possibly commit on all fronts, and then some. Don’t rush it.

    I hope I'm being skeptical for no reason and it all turns out well.

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    • I meant to say All relationships demand some level of investment (physical, time, emotional)...

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    • *this is from below* until he was talking all about himself and that she's his slave and rippin into her in front of a bunch of people until I said somethin.

    • Had to look up donkey punches and if it's what I'm reading, sounds like he could go to jail. All the more reason to be concerned that she hasn't left the state to get away from him.

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