How come a girl that you've been friends with for a long time won't talk to you anymore after she gets a BF?

This has happened to me probably 10 or 15 times in my life time. I knew one girl for almost 10 years. She was cool we were just friends. Never really talked about dating each other. We knew it wouldn't work out between us. She told me about this guy she was talking too and he seemed cool. They seemed like they would make a good match. I noticed the more serious they got the less her and I talked but that's just how it goes. I didn't say anything because you know how love birds are in the beginning. Later on after a year passed I called her up to ask her what she's been up to. She told me that she couldn't talk to me and to never call her again. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. I don't understand why some girls do this. After 10 years she should realize that I'm not going to make any kind of move or do anything to compromise her relationship.

Are women so afraid of sleeping around they can't even talk to other guys while dating?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow...no, I would say its women are afraid of sleeping around... its thier guy that's afraid of thier woman sleeping around..or simply possessive and feel they are all thier woman needs. I'm going through that right now with one of my best friends. He's jealous of me..and I'm never going to sleep with her!

    I wouldn't take it personaly...easier said than done..and to be honest..its been 3 years and I still have a hard time with it that we can't be friends because her boyfriend feels he's the only best friend she needs. She certainly can't have any male friends... From the way your friend reacted to you call..Id say its more him than her.

    Generally, I noticed its pretty common tha women lose touch with male friend when they start dating a guy, but they aren't rude about it..just fade away really. I dont...my friends are my friends..I still have lunch and go out for drinks with my male friends, and my boyfriend knows where I am and who I'm with. I'm not doing anything wrong or inappropriate with them afterall...most of the time they are talking about the girl in thier life...or how to get a girl, or what have you anyway.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Wow, that seems extreme to me. I would be concerned about what type of person her boyfriend is if she is not allowed to talk to her friends.

    That is not normal behavior to me. I have drifted apart from my guys friends when I got involved with my husband, but I never felt I couldn't communicate with them if I wanted to. We've spoken now and again, but whatever made us friends just wasn't there anymore. I couldn't tell you if it was them or me - but it definitely wasn't my husband.

    Is there someone you can ask about her boyfriend?

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    • I've met him before and he doesn't really seem that weird on the surface. She and him are very hard to get a hold of anymore.

    • Also, I don't think he abuses her. If I could get a hold of her I would look out for her but I'm not sure how to anymore.

    • It may not be physical abuse, but being in an ultra controlling relationship is mental abuse. But it could be that he does not want her to have male friends. Though, I would expect her to give you a better explanation, especially if you guys were friends for 10 years.

  • Its not her that's afraid, it's her man. Guys get jealous really easy about any guys we are close with besides them. I have a really hard time with this too because I am honestly just one of the boys. I have one girl friend and the rest are all guys and I love them all to death, they are the best. I tell them everything and we always have so much fun, but none of them have ever been someone I would date, ever. Every boyfriend I have ever had has had a problem with it. They hate it, it drives them crazy. At first they are totally cool about it and be the nice, understanding guy but as time goes on it gets to them more and more. My best friend Rodger set me up with this guy Rick and me and Rick didn't work out after a few months. Me and Rodger, of course, were still best friends. Nothing changed between us at all. It drove my boyfriend crazy that I was so close with one of my exes friends. He didn't see it as my friend who happened to set me up with someone and it didn't work out. He only sees him as Rick's friend and it bugs the shit out of him that I would still talk to an exes friend. Even other guys who I haven't been with in situations like that, guys I work with that I am close to, it bothers him. This one guy I work with calls me like three times a week because he needs something from me and if I don't hear from him for a week or two I text him and say, "Do ya miss me?" That's my way of asking if he needs anything, it's always been that way. My ex saw that message in my phone and totally flipped, he didn't believe me that it was work related.

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  • If I were the boyfriend of 1 year, I'd be intimidated by the 10 year relationship you and my girlfriiend have. He's probably insecure still and afraid that she would find reason to be unfaithful to him with you.

    Try being friends with her boyfriend maybe? That way he'd know what kind of person you are, and maybe he'll let his girlfriend have more time with you as soon as that trust is built. Good luck!

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  • i've found myself in the situation more than once. I've been really good friends with a guy then they get a girlfriend and it just isn't the same anymore. I think most of the time it's a jealousy/insecurity thing. the girlfriend doesn't like it when other girls are hanging around, especially if they're not around to witness what's going on and their boyfriend and the girl were really close friends.

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  • Not really. It's possible but usually, when that happens they don't want the boyfriend to get jealous of the best friend & so we act dumb and choose our boyfriend. We just don't want our boyfriend to have a problem with it so we make sure he can't be.

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What Guys Said 3

  • To avoid trouble and misunderstanding, it is indeed better not to go out with the opposite sex if one is in a courtship. If one needs to talk, why can't s/he find friends with the same sex ? "There are just things that only the opposite sex can understand, or boys are more open" is an excuse considering the one you are dating, or married to, IS an opposite sex already.

    Don't bother figuring out the underlying motivation of girls who "use" you as a "listening companion" because that will drive you crazy. They know what they want with you, clearly.

    Find out what you want with a girlfriend, and find that girl.

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  • The girls have a new man in their lives. He takes priority, he's the one they turn to when they have a problem, when they want to hang out, etc etc. So the friend ceases to be of much use.

    It's always the way it is.

    I'm curious if you really just wanted to be friends with all these girls or if you wanted more?

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  • These are women you have platonic friendships with, correct? No dating, kissing, sex, correct?

    If so, I suspect were probably using you as a placeholder. They get a little attention from a guy, they have a friend for watching movies and attending concerts. But when they get a boyfriend, he takes over those responsibilities. And your ass gets tossed out.

    As I see it, the main problem is that you keep allowing this to occur. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice (or 10 to 15 times), shame on me. You're not owning your role in this repeated pattern. I've done similar things, and not until I took responsibility for my choices did I stop the pattern in my behavior.

    What do you expect from these "friends"? Do you hope they'll see that you're the man for them? Do you expect that they'll get tired of the assholes they usually date and understand what a catch you are? If so, wise up. That simply doesn't happen often.

    If you don't expect those things, I think you need to take a hard look in the mirror and determine why you allow this to happen so often, why you choose these types of friendships.

    Also, I think it's generally unwise for people in exclusive, committed relationships to have close friendships with opposite-sex people. Married men should not regularly go to lunch with female friends. Girls with long-term boyfriends should not hang out with male buddies. It's not about jealousy. It's about propriety and respect.

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