If you're invested more than the girl, have you already lost?

I have noticed that I'm rarely successful when I ask girls out. Whether it's because they want to play hard to get or just don't want to, I have a low rate of success.

On the other hand, sometimes I just interact like I normally do every day and once in a while a girl will pop up where it's plain she's interested. I know people say that girls never make the first move and whatnot, but it seems to me that when a girl is interested, it's pretty clear, not much guesswork. And from there I can start going out with them. Saves a lot of pain and uncertainty.

So I wondered why this was and I was thinking that maybe if you're the one who shows more interest at first, then the other person has the upperhand? Maybe it's best to wait till someone shows interest in you before making a move?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you feel it show... because people can't read minds and there's nothing wrong with being invested... we want to be cared for. We all care for people etc. You're more nervous if you're invested but its also more important and a rush to try... and if it hurts, it hurts but you realize that its no big deal and move on soon afterwards.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think so... but... idk, apparently lots of guys like mult. girls at once

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What Guys Said 1

  • Perhaps your trouble is you make a conscious attempt to show interest?

    Sometimes girls do that, because, well, in America and so on, sometimes girls do that, because it's generally considered girls don't do the asking, but they want the guy to know they want him. So, they have to. But if she's prone to asking guys out, and guys themselves, there's no need to do it consciously. Interest just happens - you both know, at least, you can hazard a guess. Then you tell her, whatever. It flows, you don't have to try to let them know until you tell them and confirm their notions.

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    • well, yeah, I mean, by asking her out first, I can't help but be conscious about it. So that's probably part of it.

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    • I would say in general, but also asking her out causes me to be conscious also.

    • Well, you're meant to be conscious of it when you're asking her out. But, are you confusing doing something consciously, as in actively, with being self-conscious, as in insecure?

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