I started dating this guy and later found out he's dating another woman but tells me they have never been intimate. She plays games with his heart and breaks his heart and he comes crying on my shoulder and I feel like I'm the woman on the side. I do love him and he tells me he wants me but he talks about her all the time. I don't know what to do. I act like it doesn't bother me but in reality it hurts me when he's hurting and I do hurt too. I have met all his friends and his parents but his parents don't like me because they think I stole him and I didn't he came to me. What should I do
Most Helpful Guy
Hey.. you may care about him but that doesn't mean you have to love him as a man, sweetie. If you were casual about this I'd say who cares, if the sex was good. But you don't seem to be. If he says he 'wants' you, that doesn't mean he loves you.
Don't make the mistakes so many others have of trying to read a person by their words.. you can only tell if someone loves you by their actions. You want a man who could say nothing at all, and yet every day you knew he loved you from the way he treated you.
I can see four things your boyfriend has done in your question.
-Hooked up + stayed with the other girl, the 'player'
-Come crying to you about it
-Tells you he wants you, yet talks about her
-Let his parents continue to have an incorrect negative opinion of you (Inaction is an action. How many people do you know who let their parents believe something false about them?)
These actions don't ring of caring and love to me. However, instead of calling him an ass or a jerk or anything else, like I might, I'll recognize that people live who are not emotionally healthy or mature due to circumstances beyond their control. Recognize that YOU care about HIM. You can continue to care about him, but not as a life partner (a 'man'). You want someone else, who you haven't found yet, whose actions are more like I described. Less passive-aggressive, more on an equal level of caring with you. Key word equal.
To care about this boy who you say you love, you have to recognize yourself (on your own terms) that there is a limit to how much of your emotional health you can link to his, when he still has much work to do in that department. Think of him more as a.. friend-in-progress, someone who could still turn out good or bad as someone to care about as a person.. maybe not as a lover, leave that to another girl. One more like him. You are not like him, and this isn't a good or bad thing. Simply the level of connection you two have as human beings, you can eventually find someone who you'll 'click' more with and so can he. Well, not so sure about him, it's pretty crippling to be emotionally unhealthy (from personal experience).
Best wishes and I sincerely hope that this helps, and that I've armed you with a bit of knowledge for your future relationships.1