Sleeping with my ex's friend - Acceptable in this situation or not?

Long before college began, my then-boyfriend (Let's call him Frank) and I agreed that we'd separate after we graduated. Frank and I were both very good friends with a guy named "Josh." We were all very close, and Josh and I talked on the phone pretty regularly. Although Josh and Frank were very good friends, Josh and I were closer friends than Frank and Josh. Josh was always respectable and didn't make a move on me while I was with Frank. I had thought on several occasions that if I were single, I'd sleep with Josh. I'd also like to note that when Frank had phone conversations with and hung out with my female friends, I didn't have a problem with that.

Anyway, after college began, Frank and I separated and began separate lives. We didn't talk as much, and he also didn't keep in touch with Josh very regularly either. They still talked, though. Josh and I still Skyped and talked, too. We sometimes mentioned hooking up, as a purely physical thing. No relationship or obligations.

I liked the sound of that, because I was comfortable with Josh and physically attracted to him, and didn't want to be tied down by a relationship during college (Frank had been an 18 month relationship that followed a prior 19-month relationship with someone else, and I was ready to have a casual fling for once).

Josh and I spent a day in the city after a semester in college, and went back to his place that evening. One thing followed another, and we slept together. It was a delightful experience, and we went back to being best friends the next day, just with a couple winks sprinkled in. We've both expressed interest in sleeping together again.

Now, I don't know if I should let Frank know. I did not sleep with Josh to spite Frank, and don't wish to rub it in his face. But does Josh (Or I) have a responsibility to let Frank know? Bro code and all that?

I have flipped the situation in my mind to see how I'd react if Frank slept with my best friend from high school, and I'd be all right with that. Why? We're in college now, we're separated, and I feel that who we sleep with now is our personal business.

But should Frank be notified, and is it even his business? Would it be "wrong" of Josh and I to continue this little fling?


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • Don't tell Frank. That's one thing I learned, you never are going to know how he will take the news. It's your sex life. I think you should keep it to yourself, unless you feel the need to tell Frank because you feel guilty? Then I guess you can tell him. I don't think its wrong.. since you say that you and Frank are distant, and Josh is too. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't say anything.

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