Met this guy on Facebook. Don't want to seem desperate...

So I met this guy on facebook about two weeks ago. We met for coffee a week ago. We've been talking mostly online all week and some texting. Then I asked him to go to lunch and he said he'd let me know because he had an exam to work on. Then he starts conversation with me online around lunchtime and tells me he's done with his test. But he doesn't mention lunch. And by that time, I had already made plans with someone else. But I ask about lunch anyway to see what he says. And then he calls me, but I told him I already made other plans. So he jokes a bit and says he waited too long and that maybe we could do it another time. We joke a bit and then I tell him that there's always later today and we could hang out then because I do get hungry later in the day too. So we joke a bit more and he says he's usually not hungry til dinner anyway. So he says, yeah, maybe we could do that. So he tells me to call him after I get off of work.

How does that sound? I don't want to sound like I have nothing else to do, but I did want to hang out with him today. He also always suggests we do stuff, but then never sets a date or time until I bring it up again. So I don't know, maybe he's shy?

Updates:
Ok, I called and no response. Then got a text saying, "I'm hanging with some friends tonite. Catch up with you soon!" WTF?
I don't understand. He starts conversations with me, suggests we do things, but never follows through. And then today, again he starts talking to me, calls to try to do lunch, and then tells me to call about dinner, but nothing! Opinions needed...
So we talked for like a minute yesterday online. He started it. Then we talked again today. Then he asked me to lunch today, but I had already eaten. We decided on tomorrow instead.
Grrrrr! I posted a new question...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • That shows he is not dedicated to you or maybe he is not organized in his head. He should be aware that he is wasting your time. He might be absent minded and oblivious. If he really wants to go on a date with you then he will make the efforts to make it happen. He's not making the efforts needed. If he is 20 or older he should know that he and you do not have an infinite supply of time.

    I recently went on a coffee date with a friend of mine and I asked her when she would have time, and we both determined a time to meet. She had a busy schedule, but she found a time slot when she was free. Then we had coffee when we agreed. Arranging a time and place to go on a date should not be difficult. It requires little effort to say "I am free at such-and-such time and we can meet you at such-and-such place."

    You are not acting desperate, he is just making your life difficult. He should straight up ask you when you are free and the both of you should agree on a specific time and place. When he says "we should hang out or do lunch," then you should ask, "when?" The next time the subject of going on a date is brought up by either you or him, you should ask him which specific day he is free and make it a real date.

    Don't allow the conversation to end with the words "we should hang out sometime." Your next conversation should end with you knowing a very specific time. Give him one more chance. But I can tell he is testing your patience. If he will not fulfill his obligations next time, then it shows he's just not that into you.

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What Guys Said 11

  • With that kind of behavior, either he is VERY shy and nervous about hanging out with you, OR he is simply undependable.

    If you think it's the latter of the two, then I suggest you just cut it off with him and ignore him... If he is REALLY interested in you, he'd follow through.

    I also recently met a girl online, and how funny is this, but I just met her today and had coffee with her! I am kinda wondering what to do next... She told me to give her a call when we split up after coffee... She is VERY attractive... like 10+ attractive, so I don't know If I should call her and suggest we go out to dinner or a movie or what... Here is the pint though, I am very interested in this girl, and I certainly would not ask to do something with her and flake out over and over! I'd follow through without a hint of a doubt... It's my honest opinion he is just flaking out and putting you on the back burner. If I were you I'd find someone who won't leave you hanging. :)

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    • Yes you should call her! You should have made plans when you were sitting at the table & realized you were hitting it off. Give her a call & plan the date.

      Tip: don't do the, where would you like to go bit. INVITE her somewhere. Good Luck! =)

  • Sounds like he's flaking out on you. Don't take it personally. People just get cold feet. The good news is that it's not a lost cause. If you have a realistic feeling that something can come of this, I say continue the pursuit but change your strategy. Try backing off, and then in a week or two fire off a text or a call. If he calls you act non-chalante, as if though you had plans but you might be able to squeeze him in. It works as well on us guys as it does on you girls. We're not all that different.

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    • Well, I was just gonna not call or text anyway. Not as a strategy though, just because I'm annoyed. lol.

    • Haha, that sounds reasonable!

  • He assumes from all this delay that you aren't interested and are just being polite about the invitation for lunch. OR he's decided that HE is not interested and HE is just being polite.

    In either case it's over...

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  • He's going to think you were stalling or putting him off in a polite way, so he's responding in Kind!

    Most people have multiple possiblities in cyberspace so they're not going to hesitate to drop someone who seems stand-offish..

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    • I thought about that too, but it was his fault. He starts conversation with me and doesn't mention having lunch, and then when I bring it up, he calls! But it was so late already and someone else had asked me to lunch, so I had said yes. lol.

    • Doesn't matter whose fault it was...

    • Yeah, I know that. :)

  • Hmm, if he suggested to call you after you're finished with work, then I think you should. If he didn't want to talk to you or make plans, then he wouldn't have made that suggestion. But I agree with xSUNKiSSEDx, in that the next time plans are made, he should be making them if it appears like he's putting you off.

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    • I called, and got no response. Then the text saying he was hanging with friends and we'd catch up soon. Then why tell me to call?

    • I agree, that's not consistent on his part. If he really wants to hang out with you, he should make the effort to see you and not blow you off.

  • Why is sassy so out of herself now? Just wondering.

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    • Even someone like me has these moments in life. It's ok, I'm over it now. :p

    • Show All
    • Lol. I've actually been trying to get my one girlfriend to meet one of my guy friends. They would be perfect together! But things just never work out correctly. I'm not good at these things :p The funny part is that they're finally going to meet this Friday and I didn't even plan for it. Life is funny :)

    • And the coffee guy... yesterday he starts talking with me online again. Then today we talk for a bit again. Then about an hour later he texts asking if I've eaten already, which I assume is an invitation to lunch, right? But sadly, I had just gotten food. So then I ask him if tomorrow would be good. He says sure and to let him know what time. So we're moving along, I think. At least making some kind of plan. :)

  • best thing to do not contact him for a while. if he do contact tell him you were busy .

    if he really interested in you he will put more effort for you, if not just move on.

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  • He's ether not interested in you that much or he's playing hard to get. Ignore him for a few days, make him show you how much he likes you.

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    • So difficult!! I would really rather he just not make contact with me then, if he's not interested. But he does attempt to make contact, which throws me off completely. I understand not being interested and not calling or responding. That I'm ok with. What bugs me is that he DOES try, but then he doesn't follow through.

  • just plain, playing hard to get, he's making you chase him, the other way around, finally...

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  • Move on. A real men who likes you won't play hard to get.

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  • He told you to call him after you got off work, did you?

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    • Not yet. Still at work.

    • I wouldn't throw in the towel until you've talked to him about this. You need to tell him how disrespectful saying you two should eat dinner, and then going off and hanging out with friends.

What Girls Said 5

  • he's either not all that interested or a procrastinator of the worst kind...although what you're seeing may be blown out of proportion since you obviously can't be entirely objective about it.

    If you feel like you're giving 95% and he's giving 5%, it's bound to fail. Without effort from BOTH sides, a relationship or even a friendship will most likely collapse.

    Try again though, but don't let him take over your life and make you worry all the time.

    I'm sorry! I hope things get better :(

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  • well, I would just say let him call you when he's ready to meet. and he needs to make the plans. If he doesn't than stop wasting your time on this guy and find someone who is less of a flake!

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  • He told ya to call him after work, then call him after work. Sounds like he wants to hang out with you. It also sounds like he doesn't want to be pushy about it either.

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  • Girl, I don't think that makes you sound desperate. You're just trying to make plans to hang out. There is nothing wrong with hanging out. Just call him later on today & see about dinner plans. But as for the next hang out let him make the plans.

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  • I think he's just confused on what he wants with you.

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