Why do I never get past the first date?

I'm just looking for any ideas you guys can toss out there. Often what happens is I go out for coffee with a girl, we have a lively conversation with mutual joking, then part ways with a hug and agree to do something again soon. When I try to set up date #2, I end up getting the runaround. I'm typically reserved with my compliments and not incredibly flirty at the beginning (down the road though when we know each other a little better is a different story), but other than that, I'm at a loss.

I know it's not a huge amount to go on, but is there anything you've seen/experienced that can kill things in this way so quickly?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is a complex question with a complex answer.

    The biggest hurdle both men and women have in the modern dating world is easy access. In the past if a date went OK we'd give someone another chance to take us out, but now the choices are seemingly endless so women (and men) feel like if things don't go almost perfect right away they have unlimited choices to keep picking from on the internet, at work, through friends, and through family. Our attention spans have dropped tremendously, so most people are always looking for the next best thing. What they fail to realize is nobody is perfect, including themselves, and people are so nervous on the first few dates that they cannot be seen for who they are. It takes time AND effort to get to know someone. The irony is nobody seems willing to put in the time. Sad, isn't it?

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What Girls Said 3

  • You say you're a little more reserved and such on the first date. Do you think maybe you're coming off too professional? So she leaves feeling like she met a good friend or coworker but there was no romantic connection?

    I'm not suggesting that you be too forward or over the top, but she needs to feel a romantic spark to be interested in a second date. Flirting more would probably help and throwing out a compliment or two.

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  • Body language is a biggie! The tone of your voice.. Um the things that get me to NOT go on date number two, would be if he didn't seem all that interested in what I had to say. Bragged.. Kept interrupting me without apology.. Looks below the eyes... And is very touchy(since it is the first date).. Not sure if I helped much! But you know:)

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  • why don't you try texting or calling her or writing to her on Facebook a bit more letting her know you are interested in getting to know her more.

    The more rapport you put in the more likely she will want to hang out with you again, that's what I think.

    good luck

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What Guys Said 4

  • maybe its because you are not being flirty enough. I mean if you don't show interest and seduce her, what is the point of her coming back to you again? She is going to think you just want to be her friend and she already has plenty of friends, why more one with you?

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  • Its the complete opposite... Play hard to get. Don't tell her you want to go on another date... or how the date went... Leave her hanging. Everyone hates cliffhangers? But do they work? YES. So do the same thing and ignore what these chicks have said because girls never know what they want.

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  • Maybe you just don't come out of your shell enough or something

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  • What she said below.

    Just move on dude. Be radical and live your adventure.

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