The dating games people play

The more answers I read to questions about dating and relationships posted by myself or others, the more I begin to wonder...

One in particular I always find interesting is about these dating rules and games many people seem to follow. Personally, I don't do any of those because I don't like to waste time. I'm very direct and honest and like men to be that same way with me. But I have found that many people are ok with playing hard to get, waiting for him to make the first move, not calling until a certain day, etc. Why is that?

Do you enjoy playing these games or not? Do you follow the dating rules (ie. the guy should call first)? Why or why not?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I am like you are and try to be direct and honest whenever I can, however, I've found that I've had the most success with guys when I've sucked it up and played by the rules. As annoying as it is, boys seem to be familiar with the game playing and have come to expect it. If you are honest about liking them, they assume that you're desperate or that you have no life because you make yourself too available to them.

    Guys like the chase and being in control, so I guess it's best to let them have what they want. If you make yourself hard to get, then they begin to see you as a real catch because it took effort to land you and not just anyone could do so.

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    • It's interesting though when you read the questions about women making the first moves or women letting men know they like them, most men say they would really like that. It's all so confusing...

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    • But couldn't you make the same argument about women who just wait for men to do everything? That they're lazy and don't want to make the effort.

      I think it's all more about fear of rejection. Women tend to get away with not having to go through that initial step of getting rejected on the first move.

    • It's a primal thing. Guys have been making the first move since the dawn of time. Only in the past 40 or so years has it become acceptable for girls to make moves or for people to sleep around.

      While we as girls may feel liberated by this, it's going to take a long time before guys catch up evolutionarily. The thrill of the chase won't get old for at least a few more generations. Until then, it looks like we just need to play along...

What Guys Said 5

  • I am always surprised when people tell me that they don’t play games. I think this is better defined, as they don’t realize they are playing games!

    In every aspect of life there are games being played. The relationship with a parent and how you subtlety manipulate them to get what you want. The boy that does not call you and you resist calling him back because you don’t want to seem needy.

    Now when it is more obvious it is easy to say “I don’t play games!” but you still do! You want to sleep with him the first night but you know it may not be a good idea. He wants to sleep with you too but he holds back and tells you want you want to hear.

    This is normal and honesty the people that understand the game the best are the most successful at finding and keep a great partner.

    Not only is game playing normal but if done ethically is fun for both sides

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    • Good point. :) But I seriously try not to.

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    • Funny isn't it! we truly think we don't play but we do constantly!!

      Nice to meet you BTW and hope to run into you again.

      Mike

    • Nice to meet you too :) I went ahead and added you on facebook.

  • Ladies please listen to this. Guys love to be asked out by girls. We love to be asked out by girls! And finaly we love to be asked out by girls! This is the biggest misunderstanding women have towards guys. I keep reading these posts wear the girl says is it ok for the girl to approach and all the other girls tell her to keep her guard up. And not to be to forward. But all the guys are saying they love to be approached by girls. Why won't you listen to the guys. We don't have a problem with girls asking us out. why are women telling other women we do, I agree sassygirl go for what you want. Even my grandma will say o you never asked out a man back in my day. You know what my grandpa said. I don't see anything wrong with it. My aunt said guys will run the other way if girls ask guys out. I asked my uncle would you have been turned off by a girl asking you out back in hischool. He said I think it would have been kinda nice. Women just won't listen to us.

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    • Well I think sometimes women get burned by being too direct, as I kind of just did. But I don't think that's a reason for women not to continue to do these things, especially with men who are shyer. I think men play these games too when women ask them out and women can get hurt worse because they tend to be more open about their emotions and such. Men also have to learn how to be honest and direct, especially if asked to be. Just because a woman asks you out does not mean you show interest because you like that

    • She asked you out. You should be honest about true interest, or at least explain what's going on.

  • I partly do, but I hate it! I `m a very direct person too, but that just scares away a lot of girls. So I learned to play by the rules, until they know me good enough to accept me the way I`am.

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  • I hate all of those retarded childish games. They're so annoying and they do NOTHING but cause problems, drama and confusion. Why do people do that? Life is full of enough drama as it is. lol

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  • the games just describe the stages of happenings throughout a realationship

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What Girls Said 3

  • Personally, I really don't like the games. Makes you all nervous and gives you too much anxiety. I too don't understand why it's so wrong to just walk up and say you like them without waiting for the person to call you first. But then I also understand how showing up needy is a bit of a turn off for a lot of people.

    Honestly, I feel like these rules and games are just so less people get hurt...or some kind of defence mechanism we have for ourselves. By playing these "games" we can just "stop" after finding out the person doesn't really like us very much. That's what I think at least..I do follow these rules..but I end up breaking them sometimes unknowingly when I like someone very much. I guess..whether you follow the game/rules or not, you get hurt either way. People just need to learn to take the risks and learn to get over the hurt.

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  • I at least try to play these "games" simply because whenever I went after a guy even a little and even if he already liked me my plan would backfire.

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  • i plat games. I know I shouldnt do it cus it might not take me where I want to. but the majority of the time, it works. right now, it seems like I'm playing a game. I DONT want to tho.. but its fun. I'm afraid that this time it won't work cus the guy that I like is not into that. he's more direct. idk...

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