Do I expect too much from guys?

1) I usually do expect the guy to pay, and if he doesn't I do get a little bit put off. I don't expect him to be buying me like five star dinners or anything, I mean like ten dollar movies and cheeseburgers haha.

2) For the guy to have a car, or at least his N. Just because I'm seventeen and most of the guys I'm interested in are 18 or 19, so I guess I do expect them to have a car by now. I feel like it's the one thing a guy needs to accomplish as a teenager.

3) For him to invite me to at least half of the things he goes to, like parties etc. I've just noticed this one because I tend to date guys from different schools, so we don't typically get invites to the same events.

4) To not try to hook up with me or even mention sex within the first three times we hangout because it just makes me think they just wanna get laid and I'll write them off immediately.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. You should offer to split the tab after the first couple of times he asks you out. Boys aren't ATM's, they have to earn their money, just like you do. Expecting him to pay every time is thinking that you are to be "bought". Do you really want a man to pay for your company? He isn't buying time with you, is he?

    2. It is perfectly reasonable to expect, but a lot of them don't due to it being hard to find a job as a young person these days. Not every guy that doesn't have a car has done so because he doesn't want one. If you can hang out locally, I'm not sure if that's a huge problem. Do you have a car to split the driving?

    3. Perfectly reasonable expectation here. People that like each other should spend time together, including at each others' events.

    4. A very good idea. Any guy that you're going to want to see in the long-term will know how to get to know you better as a person not just try to get you to drop your panties. Stand your ground on this, you won't regret it, as you filter out the good guys from the bad this way.

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What Guys Said 10

  • 1. I can see where you're coming from if the date is cheap for the first date. But once you start going out regularly it's best to trade off, or split the bill. This is how couples who have been together for a while deal with things, and how adults tend to.

    2. in particular. While most teenagers can afford the purchase price of the car, affording insurance is another matter entirely. This is because until a male reaches the age of 25, he falls into an extreme high risk category which makes insurance very very expensive. Plus if you live in a city with a good public transit system a car is generally seen as not a necessity. I would say getting your drivers license, yes. That's sort of a "Rite of passage" type deal. Buy actually buying the car? When he's barely old enough to work a full time job? That's a bit much.

    3. Why? I mean (using me for an example since I can't use another guy) Why would I want to invite my girlfriend to something I know she probably wouldn't enjoy? Granted I don't go to parties or anything like that, but the stuff I DO go to I'll bet you (or 99% of all girls) would be totally miserable at.

    4. Perfectly understandable.

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  • #1 isn't so bad at the 1st or 2nd date.

    #'s 2-4 are too demanding at 1st impression.

    Maybe his family couldn't afford to get him a car (like my family when I was in HS).

    He may not want to invite you everywhere in the beginning dating stages. However once you're exclusive with him #3 isn't asking a lot imo.

    4) Even the most genuine guy in the world wants to have sex...and you most likely do, too.

    What types of comments/suggestions do you considered "deal breakers"?

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    • Like if he doesn't ask me about it first and just decides to stick his hand down my pants .. It's happened before and it just makes things awkward. I've had some guy just start making out with my neck outta no where. A joke about sex is alright, but multiple ones, are gonna creep me out. Apparently I got used for sex in my last relationship and we dated for ten months, so I'm assuming that's why I'm so sketched out about physical activity.

  • Yea,too many terms & conditions...am I dating or renting

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  • 1) If a girl doesn't offer to pay at the end of a date, flags are already going off. Of course I will insist because I do want to pay but the fact that she expected me to pay will be noted.

    2) You're an idiot. I bet you don't even work. Ever try paying for your own car + insurance? No, having mommy and daddy pay for 90% of it and then you cover the rest does not count.

    3) You better be one cool chick for me to want to involve you in at least half the things I do. No bitching if you're not enjoying yourself while I'm having fun with my hobbies/buds.

    4) Understandable. That doesn't mean I didn't already eye f*** the sh*t out of you already though lmao. Honestly, who isn't trying to get their noodle wet? To think otherwise is just being naive.

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  • Guy should pay. It is just being considerate.

    Having a car makes it easier to get places, so sure.

    You're not going to get invited to his stuff until you are 'going steady', i.e. dating exclusively.

    Also, the at his age the stuff he is likely going to is more singles related than couples related, so you're not going to get invited to that.

    They do want to get laid, just like you do. They should be able to bring the subject up, but you should feel free to tell them you'd like to defer that particular conversation for a while until the two of you get to know each other better. Perfectly reasonable.

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  • i don't really care about the first 3 points.. whatever. but 4 for one is stupid. First off most guys feel the need to kiss the girl, because that's what their taught. Traditional dating rules... if the first date goes well kiss her goodbye at the end.

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    • so if a guy your really into reaches in to kiss you, and you pull away... say goobye to that guy and another possible long term relationship or even husband

    • I don't count kissing as hooking up. He can kiss me all he wants, as longs he's not always trying stick his tongue down my throat.

  • Everything except 3 since I don't party I think is pretty standard.

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  • No those are pretty basic reasonable standards. As long as you don't expcect Him to drive a mercedes, buy you really expensive things, or wait like a year for sex or till marriage its all Good :)

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  • 1 retarded, you can pay for your own things princess.

    2 financially dumb, insurance is crazy, gas money, other transportation means, not a necessity, stupid standard at that age. Do you also have a car to split the driving?

    3 logically fair enough, you want to be involved and around him not sure about half the things tho bit much to ask when first dating.

    4 seems like the best one of the list. May eventually weed out ones only interested in sex.

    This is why dating standards in the younger ages is dumb and unrealistic. You expect a young teen to spend so much money just for your personal pleasure and convince.

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  • I'd say the first 2 are realistic. Number 3 is a bit on the needy side. And the last one is a bit extreme. The third date is pretty much considered typical to be having sex. Since you're younger, maybe not sex, but you should definitely be hooking up by then.

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    • Really? The ONLY answer to get a downvote? Which part do you take the most issue with?

    • Do you think I did it? I haven't voted anyone's answers up or down

    • That's cool.

What Girls Said 4

  • 1. I guess that's not too much to expect. I mean, I personally don't really agree with expecting him to pay for you all the time, even if its not that much, but still. I feel more comfortable splitting things 50/50. Again, though, that's just my opinion.

    2. That might be a bit much. I realize that many people will have their first car sometime in their teens, but many won't. Hell, I'm twenty and I've never owned my own car. Of course, I'm not a guy so I don't know if that really matters to you.

    3. Well...I suppose that's not too much of an expectation, but keep in mind that he won't necessarily be able to just invite you to things. I always like to make sure its okay for me to invite other people to an event I was invited to.

    4. That's a perfectly reasonable expectation, I think.

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  • I think #1 & #4 are realistic. What's wrong with wanting to be treated like a lady and having standards? Nothing wrong with people who put out on the first date or so but not everyone is comfortable with that.

    #3 is a little..needy and #2, it depends on where you live. If you live in the city where there's public transportation, then it might be unreasonable cause not everyone who lives in a busy city will have a car(most probably won't) but if it's like out in the country or suburbs, it's OK to prefer he have a car but I am indecisive about whether it's reasonable or not to expect a car outside of that.

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  • yes.

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  • what you expect is behavior of a guy who really likes you and has honest intentions for a real relationship. due to how society is these days that is just way too much for many ppl. just know you will weed a lot of guys out based on your standards, but it is really for the best. certain girls are better for certain guys ;)

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