Should I go to dinner with a girl I like as just a friend?

I've known this girl for many years, she was married but then last year separated and then divorced. I had always liked her and now that she was single, I finally asked her out to a dinner date and she accepted. Everything went well, I paid, kissed her goodnight on the cheek, agreed to go out again.

Well, then then over the next few weeks, I invited her to several events/dates but she was always busy with previous plans. She was really filling up her schedule with friends and other dates I'm sure. I would have had to ask for a date at her next available opening, and it would have been something like a Tuesday night two weeks out.

Anyways I was kind of discouraged and then got a little busy with work and friends myself, and didn't contact her for two months.

Then I finally wrote her asking her out to dinner sometime and asking when she's available.

She replied saying sure but it would have to be as friends only because she's started dating someone else. I'm not sure how serious this new relationship is for her.

So should I take her up on this offer, and go out to dinner with her as friends? I'd really like to see her again but I don't want to end up in the friend zone.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There are three possible approaches,

    1) tell her I think friends is a good idea, (agreeing with her seriously) and say, but the problem is that you are really hot and I have always had an attraction for you. (This could possibly change the dynamic of the relationship, because every girl wants to feel wanted and hot. The thing is that you need to respect her feelings and if she just wants friends that is all she wants.)

    2) Say we can start as friends, the problem is that you are so attractive. Similar approach, but this is mixing the signals. Girls are moved by their feelings so you have to make her feel like she wants to go out with you.

    3) Start as friends and see if it progresses

    4) Find a girl that can reciprocate your attraction as their are many amazing woman who can

    I think while its possible to switch from friends to romantic partners it is hard too. Unless you feel she is the one, I would try and find a girl who could reciprocate my attraction for her. It is better to not have to force a girl to like you, but for her to like you for who you are. It seems she wants to be friends currently and it would take a lot of work to be more than that. Unless you feel she is the one I would pursue a girl who can reciprocate my attraction to the level I deserve.

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    • Good answer, thanks. If I took approach one or 2, would you say that before agreeing to the dinner date, or during it? I assume you mean during it?

      I kind of like this approach, although part of me thinks I should basically move on as you suggest as the fourth option. I think option 3 ends with me in the friend zone for sure.

    • For option one or 2 I think in person is always better so during the dinner date, if she can agree to see you.

      I think finding a girl who knows your worth is the best strategy and can reciprocate your attraction is better. I am telling a girl today I think friends is best because she is interested in me, and I just broke up with my last girlfriend and am not ready to date yet. I think she would be wasting her time dating me, but would be better off finding a guy who reciprocates interest

What Girls Said 1

  • Ok, you've been pursued her for months now, If you're really like her and still interested YES, YES, YES. Don't get discouraged if she does not feel same way about you. Since you've waiting long enough for another date or dinner, go ahead see her and get out of your system.

    Most of the times, we cannot make someone likes us or loves us, but it just the way of life. Continue pursuing other deserved great women and have fun.

    If you do see her again, try not to come on too strong on her, be approachable, polite... just enjoy the evening.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I think it is wise to strategize, and it is nice she will meet with you. For me it has always been hard to make any progress when I am not actually hanging out with a girl, so I would know meeting is the only option for me, and talking while meeting. I thought of one more option that works, but it is hard to pull off. When she tells you she is dating someone, "you can say I am kinda dating someone too, but I kinda like you and always thought you were beautiful, and always wanted a chance to be with you." If she repeats herself about dating someone, you can say "I know me too, I just cannot help it, you are so beautiful." (I know me too, as in I am dating someone too) This might be the best option, because it changes the relationship dynamic, which is definitely needed, and it changes the dynamic from her being so needy to you and your worth and needs, if you can pull it off. It is more about how she feels, then about coming off as not a douchebag :) I would not worry about the douchebag part, and more about how she feels. It is a tough scenario, but I have beaten it before. You must be in person though. Dating someone is not a permanent scenario, so it is beatable, it also depends how long she has been dating another person, whether she is willing to switch to you. Make her want to try to win you as a prize too, instead of chasing her. It is a very hard scenario, and I think dating a new girl might be best because it can start reciprocal, but if you want to pursue this girl, you do have a small shot.

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  • You're in the friend zone.

    Decline. Tell her you hope it goes well with her new guy.

    If she decides to move you out of the friend zone, she'll let you know.

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    • To reiterate. You are in the friend zone. You could not be more in the friend zone. Its not that she didn't consider dating you. You clearly went on a date. She then avoided another date for a while. She found someone else she found attractive. She is offering to solidify your friend status.

    • You might be right but I'm not 100% convinced I'm in the friend zone yet.

      In some ways I'm glad I'm not her first relationship after her divorce.

      We went out on one date and then she was busy for the few specific days I asked her out on, and then kind of gave up for a couple months. I'm pretty sure she is attracted to me.

    • Then follow my original advice. Decline, wish her luck with her new guy and say 'who knows, maybe we'll both be single at the same time in the future'. Then leave her alone.

  • You are already in the Friend Zone..tell her that you are interested in her as a female and might consider dating her if she ever becomes single once again...but that you already have friends to do things with.

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